Sex Is Kind Of Gross.

[Loner]

Just to add, I have no doubt I can stop looking at porn, I do however doubt that actual sex with a real women will feel as easy and comfortable to me as that in the forseeable future.

 

[rightkindofme]

Nothing goes from being weird/hard/gross to easy without a lot of exposure. I have vague recollections of thinking sex was gross but I got started so early that I worked through that before I hit puberty. Thus I don't have good recommendations for a grown up. :)

 

[Lionheart]

I used to think of sex as being kinda gross too, but as I have worked through a myriad of abuse issues, I have come to want sex to be more light-hearted, care-free, and fun (although not without mutual respect and responsibility of course).

I like to think of sex as being "the most fun you can have without laughing" and this represents a big change for me from the way I use to view sex; *(as disgusting and problematic).

Instead of sex being something that is "done to" me or someone else, it has become a pleasure that I share with a partner and not a chore or a power trip. This has taken many years of hard work to get to this point, but I feel it is worth it to finally be able to enjoy my sexuality.

Pornography seems to hold the unspoken view that sex is about power and control and I think it objectifies women as being merely sex objects. I prefer to think of sex as being pleasure and sometimes an expression or extension of a loving relationship.

 

[Barconian]

If you get into a sexual relationship, you also get into an emotional one! Unless you just have random sex

 

[rightkindofme]

I had well over a hundred sexual relationships. I wasn't really emotionally connected with them.

I did think sex was really icki early on. But I thought of it as a "baby-ish" response and I actively worked on stifling it. I had a pretty unhealthy childhood. But I can imagine there being a healthy adult version of an exposure therapy sort of thing.

Would just cuddling with people in a more intimate way (like your nose near their armpit) be a way of kind of working towards the familiarity with a body so you don't get overwhelmed by all the gross up close all at once during sex?

 

[Barconian]

Would just cuddling with people in a more intimate way (like your nose near their armpit) be a way of kind of working towards the familiarity with a body so you don't get overwhelmed by all the gross up close all at once during sex?

Instead of playing the field, find one for you and build trust and I reckon it will all change... Just cuddling people is a good start

 

[Loner]

Yea this girl and I already have cuddled a lot, thats not a problem. For some reason we cuddle really well together actually, its very comfortable with her both physically and emotionally.

We've had sex before that was not uncomfortable either. Its just that once all my built up sexual frustration has been let out I now feel kinda grossed out by it all.

Right kind of me, youre right about that aspect of porn, but I've never really gotten off on that, I have only ever been turned on by porn if it seemed like the girl was enjoying herself, and the views I had of sex in my mind have always been of something mutually enjoyable where both parties felt close to each other.

I guess with time this can change, I hope.

 

[rightkindofme]

Oh, you can get all the same practice with one person. :) I didn't mean to imply that one must go on a slutty rampage to deal with an aspect of your sexuality you want to change. :)

 

[Woof]

In an effort to isolate whats being, or not being said, could the Sexual Act be likened to another act, for instance; Eating?

We all eat....but, in my mind (if I focus) chewing, or masticating is in and of itself a gross function. (I mean have ya ever listened or watched one masticate???

It has helped me to "go beyond" the act...Meta-Chewing (it's an old word I just made up) and focus on beyond the actual act of chewing....eating. Enjoying, having the comfort of a full belly, feeling the warmth and glow of a post digestive experience, along with the energy, motivation and nutritional values of any given meal.

Could the actual "act of sex" be over looked, viewed as a means to an end. To achieve the warmth, comfort, nurturing and loving qualities that often stems from the sexual encounter? Could one look to have that Meta-Sexual experience and not get caught up on the minor details that bring a couple or self to that end?

 

[Loner]

Right kind of me, thats not how I took your comment, but its actually interesting you mention that because I have been thinking that perhaps this would be easier for me to deal with if I WERE to 'go on a bit of a slutty rampage'

Its funny, because when I was SCARED of sex, due to trust issues and stuff, I think it was best for me to become close to one person who knew my issues, and gradually work through that.

Now though, I'm not scared, I'm just kind of grossed out. I've been thinking that perhaps the excitement of being with new people, and the buildup of tension that goes along with that could distract me from being grossed out. I don't mean one night stands with strangers or anything like that, I know for me sex will always have an emotional component and i won't ever be able to or want to have sex with a woman who I am not attracted to as a friend as well, but I wonder. I have had sex with one other woman recently besides the one I mentioned and from that experience it seems like there might be some credence to this theory. Hmmm. Interesting.

 

[rightkindofme]

The joy of new-person-sex is a fleeting beast. Sometimes chasing it works really well and it boosts your self esteem. Sometimes it is crushing and damaging.

When you have PTSD or any other anxiety disorder becoming promiscuous is a very mixed beast.

That said, I miss new-person-sex like nothing else. *sigh*

 

[Philippa]

If it is just the fluids and body hair, smells that are grossing you out now, maybe can you just be ok with that? I don't think it's wrong or bad to find some aspects a little gross. Wet spots are something I still find quite gross and pre-cum dribbling out of the penis is something I have never found appealing, or the smell that can come under the foreskin of some men (if you don't insist they take a shower that is ;) )

Maybe it's ok to love sex but find some things gross?

I've recently met a guy I like, who likes me, and we had sex the other night and it was terrible for me. He realised after that he got too carried away and just pounded away and was fixated on cumming as quickly as he could, which he did...to my dismay. Sometimes starting out with a new person takes some time to get used to each others bodies and especially if you are mainly used to fantasy sex on a screen, it would be a bit disconnected from reality, and therefore a bit strange for you.

I'd say give it some time and avoid porn. Now that you are getting into sex with real women and enjoying it mostly, apart from the icky things, the more you do it the less you will need porn. Porn is there for people who don't have a partner, or for couples who want a little bit of background stuff to spice things up.