Sex With Therapist

[Ditudi]

I had sex with 2 therapists. Though they were free therapists/counselors but were in that role. They acted on my come ons. Issue is, those comes ons were from my past trauma, I did not want to do it but thought I had to. It is the therapist's JOB to set proper boundries and to teach you that you have choices. And a lot of other stuff. I would NEVER classify those sexual experiences as good, even back then.

Those sessions ended the very day we had sex. One of them met with me several more times but they were just sex sessions if you will. It retraumatized me to the point that when I got to my current therapist, I was all over him thinking thats what therapists do. He had to, as gently as possible so that I wouldn't take it as rejection or abandonment, peel me off of him and set strict boundries which led the way to what we have today which i would never change.

If those past experiences never happened then i wouldn't of been all over my current therapist. I would have adhered to what i learned since i left the cult out in the world. I likely would have been very reserved and scared but not that.

We also had to do specfic therapy sessions around those encounters. I had to now heal from that. It damaged me.

So no, nothing good comes out of this!

 

[Kavus]

Those

I had sex with 2 therapists. Though they were free therapists/counselors but were in that role. They acted on my come...

Those two need to be fired.

 

[Igeb]

I can understand that you feel that way but I also agree that it's not a very good idea. I didn't go through any kind of sexual abuse but I developed quite an unhealthy sexual life anyway. I fantasize a lot about my therapist cause she's the first person I actually feel I can be myself with and I would love to feel that intimacy with her. And also, she's quite attractive, which doesn't help!
But one day I really thought about it, cause I am really good at talking people into sleeping with me (I'm also a woman, which makes it easier) and I was sure I could make that happen with her too and realised that would mean the therapeutical relationship was over. We'd be lovers, for as long as that lasted, and then that was it.
I think the intimacy I share with her in her office is worth a lot more than any kind of sexual intimacy I could experience with her. I realised I'd rather have her by myself while I try to find some balance while figuring out my sexual self than having this one shot at getting it right and then having to lose her when it doesn't work. And it wouldn't work because I am so not ready for that kind of relationships.
I thought about discussing this with her but I am in no hurry now that I know I won't go down that path. Besides, I can still fantasize and that doesn't hurt anyone. ;)

 

[Igeb]

I can understand that you feel that way but I also agree that it's not a very good idea. I didn't go through any kind of....

By myself = By my side. Talk about Freudian slip!

 

[Kohida]

I fantasize a lot about my therapist

I do as well. He says it is normal to do so. In my case it is to feel safe.

I think the intimacy I share with her in her office is worth a lot more than any kind of sexual intimacy I could experience with her.

I agree here as well. I am the one that had sex with 2 free therapists in the past (since anon area can get confusing). What our relationship has developed in over 8 years is almost a friend like relationship. Not quite but almost. It is a VERY trusting one. He is the only person I fully trust. I also know that trust (or part of it) goes both ways. It is a relationship I hold dear and would never trade. But that was developed by adhering to very strict boundries. Those boundries and the fact he would never allow it, anything close to it or looks like it, or any talk in that direction either, that allowed me to actually trust him fully as I do. If he would have allowed it or anything close to it, it would have shattered trust completely and that would have been over. Completely beyond repair.

 

[Vilepa]

I felt uncomfortable having my therapist hug me, I can't imagine having any type of physical intimacy with one. I would think that it would almost be considered rape. They have all the tools to our psyche and what makes us tick to take advantage of us. Very irresponsible and unethical.

 

[Edet]

I am wondering if anyone will share their experiences of sex with their therapist. I would post this in therapy forum bu...

I agree with the members that have shared that a sexual relationship with a therapist is not ethical, not legal, and is one more trauma to work through because you are being victimized whether you think so or not.

Predators are not always scary looking, they can look friendly. What they have in common is that they violate a boundary. They will describe that there acts are to be helpful. Because you need support, you may be open to their 'caring' manipulation

As therapists, they have a professional boundary to uphold; of NO sexual touch. It they cross that line, for any reason, even if it feels good, they are a sexual predator, you are a victim-even if you are consenting, due to the defined, professional relationship. Instead of a healing encounter, a form of rape is being re-enacted, from the past of one of you.

Seek help to leave the relationship. When you leave, protect yourself, as a predator may be threatened if you leave. Sometimes going quietly is the safest, giving up all contact, and giving the predator no way to find you. Always be with a friend.

 

[Hesoma]

It is so incredibly safe to work a therapist that uses the erotic transference ethically; it is a vehicle of trust, a safe connection, rather than a bond that gets contorted to meet the therapist's needs.

For most adults, a heart-felt safety activates sexual energy and sexual attraction. It takes a committed and skilled professional to not respond with sexual ovatures.

I had one therapist who overtly, with explicit physical acts crossed the line, once he 'groomed' me to trust him. A different therapist crossed the line in a more subtle way, by mentally encouraging me to have fantasies about him. Both acts were unethical and based on their needs.

It was hard to pull away. The powers of the sexual bond is strong; brutally and cunningly deceptive and dangerous as many of us know from our trauma history.

 

[Ginan]

Original poster here. So, wow, I can't believe this is another thing I'm apparently completely wrong about.

I am not in love with him at all. I am attached to him though. I have a hard time with dissociation in therapy and so I can't seem to connect with him. I just feel disconnected and terrified and if anything I have frightening transference...not erotic. I just want to touch him so badly and feel that he's safe and connected and that I'm not alone. I think just one time of doing this and I would 'wake up' in session and stop feeling like I'm reliving something terrifying.

I mentioned this in therapy and he didn't seem to say this couldn't happen. He actually made a joke about how it's possible he could want it, too, but we changed the subject. I'm not that vulnerable of a person. It wouldn't be predatory of him. It would help us break through this awful frozen experience of therapy that I'm having. Plus, I know he's attracted to me. I'm half his age and physically fit. I think being with him would be the hottest most cathartic experience ever. I'd probably think of this on my death bed. But reading all of your responses does make me question my sanity.

I kind of see this as cathartic in the same way BDSM sex can be cathartic. Yes,being tied up, flogged and f-cked can be re-traumatizing...but it can also be amazingly empowering and help form the deepest bond imaginable. Healthy play with Master/slave relationships can be healing. Why can't a loving sexual encounter with your therapist be healing?

 

[Curop]

I'm confused. Are we talking about healthy touch? You said "I just want to touch him so badly and feel safe and connected".

Would a hug do it? A hand to hold?

Did he really joke that he would maybe want sex, also? Or just contact? There's a big difference.

It makes me wonder if you are actually after reversing the power dynamic. I had an awful lot of sex after my sexual trauma, and in every instance it was a way for me to feel in charge of another person, the way someone else had been in charge of me.

 

[Seju]

Why can't you find this safe sexual touch with a non-therapist? Without the risks of jail, job loss, and traumatization?

 

[Ubali]

I'm not that vulnerable of a person. It wouldn't be predatory of him. It would help us break through this awful frozen experience of therapy that I'm having.

You are and it would. If you're dissociating in session it suggests he isn't working within your window of tolerance. That is to say that he needs to slow down the pace of work or help you ground during session but having sex, or sexual contact is never going to be appropriate, ethical or healing for you.