Sex

[Wosuwaz]

Are you certain that it is sex itself that you are craving then, rather than human connection more broadly?

 

[Nitiba]

Ohhhh yes. I realise I have been "uptight" lately and for a long time. but I've been hurt by every man I've been involved with - in big or little ways.
I suffer rejection trauma too, or mistreatment trauma. Or maybe I just don't trust what I attract or my
Means of dealing with men.
Wish I did. But men have become like an alien species to me. I just don't get them! And they don't really get me /-;

 

[Odubu]

Greetings

It has been 9+ year's since my last human encounter, it has been nobody's fault, just a lot of bad timing where life interjects issues.

M, Is my only way to remain sane, as I'm just starting down the ptsd road of enlightenment.

Btw I'm 55 and my heterosexual partner has been with me for over 10 years.

G

 

[Uco]

I haven't been intimate with my husband in a while. It's not that I don't offer it's that he doesn't want it if I don't. I'm just doing it for him. I don't do any kind of "release" it doesn't feel right. My therapist said she doesn't want me doing it unless I want it. What if I never do? Is my poor husband supposed to go without the rest of his life because of me? I can't do that. I'd rather just deal with it than torture him.

 

[Uta]

I'm damned sure that I was getting the come on from someone a third my age a few days back (they would have been legal but the age gap would have raised some eyebrows if anyone else knew ). I didn't act on it.

T suggested I stop trying to over think it, get a fresh packet of condoms and go have some fun, with that person, another or even with my right hand...

one day those bits will stop working - enjoy them while you have them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

one thing to be warey of with masturbation
be careful about the fantasies - you don't want to develop imagined feelings for someone who cannot return them and who you cannot "have"

 

[Fohe]

I'm damned sure that I was getting the come on from someone a third my age a few days back (they would have been legal bu...

Why would a therapist suggest that having relations with somebody barely legal in age isba good idea if YOU are questioning it yourself?/sounds to me like THEY have ethics issues

 

[Ute]

I have to agree. I'm not sure if it's ever a good idea to "go out and have fun" sexually. Someone always gets hurt. Call me old fashioned but it's true

 

[Isad]

I didn't read that they said barely legal, I think you are inferring that
and yes, sometimes we just need to have sex, even if it is just by ourselves, that sounds like what UTA's T was saying

 

[Ajeci]

Try not having any for eleven years.. I wish I was kidding.

 

[Muzuke]

I didn't read that they said barely legal, I think you are inferring that
and yes, sometimes we just need to have sex, ev...

When it has to say they would have been legal that implies quite a bit.

 

[Noka]

I'm not sure if it's ever a good idea to "go out and have fun" sexually. Someone always gets hurt. Call me old fashioned but it's true

I'd have to disagree, there. When people are honest, it's far from guaranteed that someone always gets hurt. When people misrepresent themselves? Either by wanting more than a dalliance, or by dangling the hopes of more than that to someone who wants more, then people get hurt. Same token, however, any real relationship is a risk; whether sex is involved or not. The likelihood at the beginning of every relationship is that one or both people will be hurt. It takes two very dynamic -but still wrong for each other- people to be able to end things in such a way that neither gets hurt. That's about as rare as frogs fur. The risk is still considered worth it for most people. So whether it's a purely a sexual relationship or fling, or it's an attempt at a serious relationship looking towards marriage; that someone may lie (or change their minds) about what they want, or someone may decide this relationship isn't working for them? That someone may get hurt? Isn't a reason to close yourself off from the world and never risk the chance at happiness. Well. It's a reason. But not a good one, IMO. Just an understandable one. Being afraid of being hurt, is always understandable. Just sad.

When it has to say they would have been legal that implies quite a bit.

I've slept with a few men in their 60s when I was in my 20s. That's 1/3 one's age. They were vigorous, virile, sexy as f*ck, and I respected the hell out of them. While I slept with far more men in their 20s-40s, I was both an adult and free agent at the time, I could sleep with whomever I chose to. 22 or 62, it's the man that matters. Not the body he wears. I've always tended to prefer men in their prime / 40+, rather than the promise (and inconsistency) of youth. Men who know who they are, what they want; who have lived, loved, grieved, lost, learned, and whose character is firmly in place. That's just personal preference. Nothing sordid about it.

 

[Pikuj]

They were legal - and in Europe that can range from 13 to 21, depending on where you are at the time.
in this jurisdiction, which is at the upper end of the spread for legal age of consent, they were well and truly considered competent to decide for themselves, and have been for several years.

my hesitation was questioning why they were giving the come on to someone so much older than themselves- so it was me who didn't consent.
I'm not going to be a party to acting out or self harm.

If there is going to be a legislated age of consent, then it is absolutely black and white - someone is either legally considered able to consent, or they are not, there is absolutely no grey area. One minute before midnight is illegal, one minute after, and it is legal.

Can I ask those who are questioning, why they feel more competent to decide than the person who's body it actually is?