Sex

[Zasi]

I probably wish people in general took more care with their sexuality. It's not really the light thing it's often made out to be. I'm older now and I learned the hard way. Not everyone gets hurt but many do - yes men too.
I wish youd said you wanted to ask her out and get to know her. That's a very different thing

 

[Ifupu]

the other side to my not acting (and I am overthinking this too) is that the woman may feel rejected, abandoned and somehow not good enough because her come - on was ignored.

She likely does, I did, but thats one less hardle later in life.

 

[Ojeta]

I don't think there's a gender monopoly on either naivety or manipulativeness

True. But naivety mostly belongs to the young.
I find that bizzare that your therapist encouraged you not to overthink it! Drumming up more business for the future?
oh dear. I'm a bit triggered by this
But I should not be on this site any more as lately I've read too much and gotten triggered all over the place!!
Time for a break...

 

[Ofut]

Noka, here... I agree with your therapist. Let the other person worry about their side of the street. If you don't w...

Has it ever occurred to you the man was sleeping with you BECAUSE you were in your 20s and you were a huge ego boost for the guy? And frankly if nobody ever cared about how anybody ELSE felt this world would suck more than it already does.

 

[Uni]

Has it ever occurred to you the man was sleeping with you BECAUSE you were in your 20s and you were a huge ego boost for the guy?

I don't think there is any indication in the description that the member gave of her relationship with an older male -that he was in any way narcissistic, or using the relationship to feed a grandiose ego. that is only one (very dark) interpretation of the many possibilities for why they got together.

As the older male who didn't make a move - I'd have seriously gone for that woman if she had been my age. She had an amazing personality, very warm, very clever, and also adventurous.

I would actually like to have had an ongoing friendship with the young woman - and may yet achieve that, and yes, it has been a big wakeup and boost to my very limited confidence that someone with her qualities appeared to find me attractive - regardless of her age.

as for a romance, I still haven't sorted through whether it is my own sense of inadequacy which had me isolate away from a younger partner 20 years ago - or whether (as I thought at the time) she'd outgrown me and I should just get my shit out of her way...

a bright young person in their late teens and early twenties is still growing up and changing rapidly

I guess even that growing up isn't necessarily limited by age - we certainly grow when we get into therapy, and I've seen that happen very clearly with people here.

 

[Ebu]

and yes, it has been a big wakeup and boost to my very limited confidence that someone with her qualities appeared to find me attractive - regardless of her age.

I got (and still get) that a lot and sadly, for some of us 'younger females' it has not much to do with being attractive.

 

[Ewu]

I'm using attractive in the widest sense
I'm reasonably physically fit, and did walk to a hill top with her, but I'm certainly not going to pretend to be james bond - or to be believed if I did try it.

 

[Kuvok]

Has it ever occurred to you the man was sleeping with you BECAUSE you were in your 20s and you were a huge ego boost for the guy?

But why on earth does this matter?

People are individuals, and all the elements that go into attraction/repulsion are so complex. So long as both are consenting adults - I don't see the point in getting in the way, or judging, or anything. I've had short affairs with my share of older and younger partners. I feel a responsibility to myself, in any circumstance, to make sure that I'm being as open and honest as I can,. with both myself and them. After that - it's not up to anyone but the people involved.

I don't think that's not caring how other people feel; I think it's respecting their right to self-determination.

 

[Ififal]

There's a power imbalance between a 20 year old and a 60 year old. I'm not saying people of all or any age cannot fall in love etc etc, but that's not what you started off saying. It was more about going out and having (sexual) fun.
Whole different thing