Sexual Anorexia

[Futureseeker]

Has anyone ever heard of sexual anorexia associated with PTSD? Or of phobias towards intimacy?

 

[mytai]

Haven't ever heard of it before, but if it exists that would be me to a t.

 

[Leah123]

What do you mean by sexual anorexia, do you mean depriving yourself of sex?

At any rate, phobias about intimacy are extremely common with PTSD in my experience and reading. Much trauma is related to sexual assault and sexual withdrawl is an understandable response. And if you mean emotional intimacy, avoiding that is basically one of the criterion that may be used to diagnose PTSD:

1. Feeling alienated from others (e.g., detachment or estrangement).

http://www.ptsd.va.gov/professional/PTSD-overview/dsm5_criteria_ptsd.asp

 

[NovemberStar]

I'm not sure what you mean?

Do you mean, you don't want sex / avoid it / have no interest in it? (Anorexia meaning 'loss of appetite?'

OR

Do you mean you starve yourself, restricting food intake and losing weight so your body is not curvy and sexual like a woman's? (As in anorexia nervosa).

It's not uncommon for people with serous mental health issues (what where depressions or PTSD) to lose interest in any form of sex or sexual activity, but I'm not sure the term you've used explains what you mean?

Fears of intimacy are also common. For me, it is emotional intimacy I am terrified of (not in all contexts - specifically it's with those I'm working through my trauma with as I feel so exposed; and part of my trauma was emotional abuse and manipulation - which did more damage to my psyche than the physical or sexual abuse ever did).

 

[Futureseeker]

I am asking not for myself, but my wife. The topic of sex is very taboo and difficult to talk about let alone being physically intimate with her.

I am trying to make sense of her view on intimacy. And this very difficult to understand when she will speak very little and I'm not sure if what she is telling me is what I want to hear or if its true.

I am trying get her to understand that the very negative sexual experiences that she had is not the way it would be for us.

I am trying to find a way to help her know that sexual intimacy between two loving and equal partners is not only possible but necessary for the health of the couple and their relationship. And that this a beautiful and wonderful part of that loving relationship.

I was reading about sexual anorexia and it describes her well and I was wondering if it would be part of suffering from PTSD or something completely different.

 

[Futureseeker]

According to what I have been reading sexual anorexia is not just loss of sexual desire but putting tremendous efforts into avoiding sex and intimacy. Also fearing and hating their own sexual desires and therefore doing everything they can to avoid it even at cost of meaningful relationships.

 

[jmni]

There is a book called Sexual Anorexia by Patrick Carnes but I have not read it. @Futureseeker Have you?

 

[Meadowsweet]

@Futureseeker it is very common with PTSD. It is even more common when a person has been sexually abused and raped.

If someone had forced you to do sexual acts, can you not imagine that it might put you off a little bit? It's not a matter of your wife having a lack of understanding, it's that to have sex with you, every touch might well bring an image of an abuser/rapist into her mind.

Can you imagine, if you were trying to enjoy sexual intamacy and somebody kept putting up pictures of atrocities in front of you, do you think you would be able to say 'oh well,' and continue to enjoy your sexual moment?

I'm asking those questions to try to help you imagine what your wife may experience. Trying to nag her into it, or explain to her that it won't be the same is way off with understanding PTSD. People with PTSD don't become stupid and unable to understand that other people have pleasurable sex, but they do re-live trauma as if it was happening right there and then, every touch, every emotion, every fearful thought that they are about to die. Sometimes it's not a flashback to that extent, but we get intrusive thoughts and images come into our minds. It is completely involuntarily, and those thoughts and images are of the trauma that happened. They can't be shut out.

If your wife is experiencing symptoms like this, then the way to help those symptoms get better is for her to go to regular therapy. This may take some time, and symptoms may become worse, so it may be that you would have to sacrifice your sex life while this went on. There are other ways of showing affection, and there are other ways of relieving your sexual desire too. It may also help for you to learn about what PTSD is, and to have some therapy for yourself to help you to cope.

 

[Springer80]

If I were you I'd would do everything you could to take the pressure off it. The ONLY thing that she needs to be working toward is minimising the illness she has.

I have had my heart ripped out of me, from being in love with someone and knowing that normal relationships are possible but not being able to achieve one. All it did was remind me of what being raped and abused as a girl had cost me and was costing me still. The general ignorance around it and around ptsd is actually harmful to the condition and can make you worse. I imagine your partner with every fibre of her being wants nothing more than to be able to enjoy a normal relationship. The stress of not being able too will only add onto the stress of having ptsd and the stress of having been raped and the stress of not being able to rationalise it away, which is what most people think a sufferer should be able to do.. It's a Neuro-physiological condition.

If you had a raped young woman in front of you that was distraught, how would you treat them?
They would need very basic comfort, and an incremental building of trust of a very slow basis.
Sex is emotional not physical. She can't emotionally do it.

 

[Laura 2]

@Meadowsweet - very well put.

 

[Pencil]

I am trying get her to understand

You're not going to get her to understand anything - for the simple reason that she does understand. But the problem does not lie in comprehending. It's way more complex - as explained by other posters. And the more you try to reason, explain, persuade, the worse it will get.

 

[Laura 2]

It occurs to me that you may be focusing on only one thing: sex/sexual intimacy.

That's just a tip of the iceberg symptom, one of many that need to be healed before you get what you want/need. Focusing on sexual intimacy may be the very worst thing you could be doing, @Futureseeker