Sexual kinks as a form of therapy

[Friday]

So then as vanilla, what does that look like?

Well, for example, every time I’ve been raped? My libido upticks for around 6 months.

It’s something of a more extreme version of the old saying ‘The best way to get over one man, is under another.’

Substituting every bad memory, with a thousand good ones, is probably the most accurate representation.

It’s not quite exposure therapy, and also not quite not exposure therapy.

(My actual exposure therapy I’ve done on sex & rape issues looks wildly different than this).

***

I have more I was going to say on the matter, but tangled thoughts mean rather than just leave this in drafts until I untangle it, I’ll just go ahead and add this bit for now, and come back later.

 

[Roland]

Well, for example, every time I’ve been raped? My libido upticks for around 6 months.

It’s something of a more extreme version of the old saying ‘The best way to get over one man, is under another.’

Substituting every bad memory, with a thousand good ones, is probably the most accurate representation.

It’s not quite exposure therapy, and also not quite not exposure therapy.

(My actual exposure therapy I’ve done on sex & rape issues looks wildly different than this).

***

I have more I was going to say on the matter, but tangled thoughts mean rather than just leave this in drafts until I untangle it, I’ll just go ahead and add this bit for now, and come back later.

That makes perfect sense

 

[Muttly]

So, my history is similar to yours. I don't know when it moved from grooming to abuse, from my dad, but I know even as a toddler I was sexualized. And he continued to sexualize and harass me into adulthood.

I read a lot of erotic literature and eventually moved to porn and then found online doms. It wasn't healthy, especially those doms, but it was me trying to work through stuff. My T at the time didn't shame me for the kink, and was kink friendly and I slowly learned to take out the shame aspect. And after that happened, I was able to try to explore kink that wasn't traumatic. It was a process and there was lots of other therapy work going on.

I finally found an online site where I started, from a healthy perspective, exploring my kinky side. I figured out what I liked and didn't. When to stay away from kink because I was in a triggered place and it could too easily become re-enactment. I found a dom who was nice and respectful and helped me figure out more of that. He was very determined that it be healthy, limits be expressed and gave me a much better understanding what healthy kink could be.

Fast forward to today and I have a wonderful, supportive boyfriend that I also met on that site. We are in love, which is still sort of unbelievable and amazing to me. Our relationship is balanced and sex and kink is just a small part of it. It's a great part though and we both enjoy it and experience it in healthy ways.

 

[Roland]

So, my history is similar to yours. I don't know when it moved from grooming to abuse, from my dad, but I know even as a toddler I was sexualized. And he continued to sexualize and harass me into adulthood.

I read a lot of erotic literature and eventually moved to porn and then found online doms. It wasn't healthy, especially those doms, but it was me trying to work through stuff. My T at the time didn't shame me for the kink, and was kink friendly and I slowly learned to take out the shame aspect. And after that happened, I was able to try to explore kink that wasn't traumatic. It was a process and there was lots of other therapy work going on.

I finally found an online site where I started, from a healthy perspective, exploring my kinky side. I figured out what I liked and didn't. When to stay away from kink because I was in a triggered place and it could too easily become re-enactment. I found a dom who was nice and respectful and helped me figure out more of that. He was very determined that it be healthy, limits be expressed and gave me a much better understanding what healthy kink could be.

Fast forward to today and I have a wonderful, supportive boyfriend that I also met on that site. We are in love, which is still sort of unbelievable and amazing to me. Our relationship is balanced and sex and kink is just a small part of it. It's a great part though and we both enjoy it and experience it in healthy ways.

Thank you very much for sharing your experience. It’s nice to see there’s both sides. I see all the time about people getting abused with kinks or using their kinks as self harm, so it’s cool to see it as a form of therapy and managed well.

 

[EveHarrington]

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