Shame And Trauma

[Sandra]

Well there are places here for free but it takes forever to get on the list. I do have insurance on therapy but it doesn't cover much at all. So bottom line I still couldn't afford it. I am retired and on a very fixed income.

 

[missd84]

I understand. I'm trying to fight to get the services I so desperately know I need. I am unemployed right now but I did have insurance that was supposed to cover it, but it usually cost me over $100/session. I was in a very dark place and knew that if I didn't get therapy, I would not be here much longer. Perhaps you could utilize a crisis hotline? Of course, I don't know your story but maybe that would be something that could help you and you would still get a benefit similar to what you would get in therapy. Hang in there! Best wishes!

 

[wcdean]

We're all here for you, Sandra, for what it's worth. You too MissD...

 

[missd84]

Thank you Dean!

Btw, love your icon! It is so true.

 

[Sandra]

Thanks everyone. :)

 

[Tinyflame]

Dear Dear, thank you for all your time and trouble- I will go back and read the links.

As you said, suffice it to say, if ('we') know there is that connection then that is enough, essentiallly, for a recognition of perhaps 'why' these things are so difficult to understand. At least in so far as myself- I am more likely to think of blaming myself (i.e. "Try harder"-) than acknowledging a biochemical/ neurochemical influence.

I would never have thought of it (depression as an explantion for my responses to those things) if you hadn't mentioned recognizing your experience hearing mine.

But truth be known although I am very animated with others I don't even notice much about how I feel myself, unless it's a meltdown.

I have to say I agree wholeheartedly too; somehow we have to be willing and ready to let go of old ways of identifying ourselves (or ptsd), and I think I can speak for most when I say that it's always more tempting to fall back on what we know (than that which we don't). (Yikes! :eek:) -A tightrope with no net.
- "To (choose to) do what is most difficult".

I had no clue 'why' I 'was' as I 'was' for decades- last 3 years it resurfaced- or I was forced to acknowledge it had no-where-to-go-but-down, rapidly, so I cannot seperate what is 'me' from what is 'ptsd'. Except for what has 'deteriorated'.
But maybe that doesn't matter-(?)

I realize there is no cure but I have managed some other parts more effectively now that I can identify them, perhaps this is part of the step of identifying that, too.

You speak so hopefully, your words are so hopeful-

-Thanks so much-
(((((((Dean)))))))

(P.S- your hugging Donkeys make me laugh- even have long eye-lashes and ears and sweet feet :barefoot: :), lol)

 

[doglover]

wcdean, thank you for the post about shame and depression. Your discussion of different brain areas and function helps me see this as a physiology issue more than an issue of being a horrible, unlovable person.

Maybe I don't deserve to shame myself all day long under the veneer of feeling almost nothing. Maybe my experience broke my brain a little and now I'm feeling the effects. I can grasp that in little doses but not easily carry it around constantly. The shame voice interferes with internalizing it or something.

I'm really grateful that this turned into such a meaningful conversation. I am glad so many of you got some value from this thread.

But truth be known although I am very animated with others I don't even notice much about how I feel myself, unless it's a meltdown.

I have this too, Junebug. Like who I am when I'm alone just fades into this fuzzyness. I feel more like a person when I'm around other people. I feel kind of invisible unless I'm interacting with someone. And then I beat myself up for having such a divide between how I am alone vs with others.

 

[Tinyflame]

Yes, and alone even in a crowd, more often-than-not.

 

[Zipperhead]

Alone in a crowd. I hate crowds. For some reason though, that fits. I know we issolate ourselve, and to some degree it's because we feel shame and tell ourselves we are unworthy. All our friends could gather around us, and we would still be alone. Punishing ourselves for our own private sins. Hey Doc, can you fix that one first? I might appreciate the support as we continue on.

 

[wcdean]

Hate crowds as well. Already feeling defeated today as I woke in the middle of the night with my fists clinched (wear a bite splint so I don't grind my teeth into an oblivion; jaw aches too as I end up chewing threw the bites after about 6-8 months. Dentists say they've never seen anybody do that). Had an anxiety attack before I was even out of bed.

So hopeful one day; knocked back down the next day.

 

[wcdean]

I'm really grateful that this turned into such a meaningful conversation. I am glad so many of you got some value from this thread.

Thank you for starting the thread Doglover; I think you really hit a home run on this one. If you were Charlie Sheen you'd be "WINNING". (small attempt at humor; still groggy from the anxiety med).

 

[doglover]

So hopeful one day; knocked back down the next day.

Oy. Get out of my head! (Little joke to say I can relate to that too.)

Great thing about this place is we can find others having a more hopeful day on those days when we're in the muck.
We can be alone in the crowd together, use our trauma as a bridge to peer over to another and say hi there... you want to play with me?