Share Your Experience Of Telling T Hard Things.

[SinkorSwim]

I write :)

 

[Lola Nocheprieta]

@Ronin, I'm gonna match your TMI and raise you some!

It's usually the opposite for me, although that's not to say that sex isn't often ... fraught (flashbacks, intrusive thoughts, conflicting feelings, etc.)It's just that, I've been with my wife for so long, 23 years, and we've come a looong way, with a lot of therapy. All my previous relationships had been abusive, including sexually coercive.

But for me, sex is the appropriate place to have sexual contact; it's when things come out in a non-sexual context that freaks me the f*ck out. Don't smack my ass as I walk by getting ready for work in the morning, you'll have to scrape me off the ceiling! And I have to remind myself that I actually like sex. But boy, when it's good, when it's not just "making love" or having sex, but a knock down, drag out session .... Verrry therapeutic! ;):cool:

 

[Ronin]

Thanks, @Lola Nocheprieta. Humor & Light are totally the way I compute with sex as a happy thing and so many meanings of what it's supposed to be, & the realization I actually know how to separate sex and violence in my head is rather helpful.

(Been on & off about that tangent for a damn year now. <facepalm>)

 

[Morphius]

I wanted to hear your thoughts on how you share challenging issues with Therapist! Anything from trauma...

This is such a good question!

I have the most amazing therapist anyone could ever hope to have. On my second week of therapy, I said "That's it. She's amazing. I really, really want to open up and be heard and trust someone after all I've been through." I wrote two pages on my childhood se*ual abuse (I still have a hard time typing certain words). I handed it to her. She read it and then with such a compassionate tone, she apologized for what I'd been through and said. "I'm going to keep your note close to me. Not in your file, but with me, if that's okay with you. It means so much that you shared your story." From that moment, At that moment, I kind of cried, internally. She was so compassionate. It just showed that she wasn't just a therapist, she had this human side, this sensitive but strong side and I kind of felt so relieved, because it didn't feel like I was talking to one of those overly formal therapists.

My second time, I wrote three and a half pages on another traumatic experience. I just wrote it on my phone, because it wasn't something that I wanted to print out. We spoke about it and she said "I want you to know that you're brave for having shared this. You can talk as much or as little as you want right now. We can process these emotions together, if you want, you can close your eyes and I can help you relax."

There were moments I told her things that other therapists disliked me for and even told me to find a new therapist. I told the same things to this therapist and never did she turn me away. In fact, she understood why I am the way I am and knows that the flaws I may have aren't anything intention, but caused by trauma. It's like no matter what I tell her, no matter how severe, she responds with compassion and understanding. I have been to over a dozen therapists and not one of them were so understanding of everything I told them. It just goes to show you that some therapists are really and truly there to listen no matter what and respect you as their client as well as the choices you make and will help you through the process if anything goes wrong.

Typically, I write them down on the phone and give her my phone. Then, we talk verbally after she's read it. Rarely but sometimes, I'll e-mail her, but that's more like for general things.

 

[Lee2001]

@Morphius I think that's great you have such an awesome, understanding T. The fact you can literally share anything and she gets why you are the way you are is inspiring! The fact you are comfortable and safe to share says a lot. One of my biggest fears is that the T will think less of me etc! So the talking myself out of sharing certain things is ongoing I'm afraid! Thanks for sharing and the phone idea is smart as it's not on paper.

 

[Lola Nocheprieta]

Thought I'd share this with you all:

Today I blurted something out toward the end of the session. I'm not a blurter by nature; I'm a ruminating, perseverating rehearser. Since I'm in the midst of doing Prolonged Exposure (PE) therapy now, it was during the processing phase after detailed recounting of one trauma memory, so, like the last 15 minutes of an 80-minute session.

<Jesus f*cking Christ on a stick but PE is some hard-ass shit! But I digress.> Here's a bit of dialogue:

Me: There's something I'm not saying.

<Said quickly, eyes downcast>

T: Really? What?

Me: Well, can't I go on not saying it?

(We share a laugh)

T: No, not now that you've said it.

Me: <crickets>

T: Of course, you don't have to say anything if you're not ready.

Me: <blurt!>

I told her something that was the most shameful, god-awful, totally f*cked up thing about that memory and frankly, many memories. Something that had been bothering me for weeks, both the fact of it and the fact that I wasn't talking about it. I blurted it out quickly, crying and snot dripping and everything.

And she was awesome. She was super understanding and reassured me she didn't think any less of me, etc., etc. Her facial expression and body language showed nothing but compassion and concern. She actually pointed out that I was telling her what happened in the memory, and what I was sharing now was my interpretation and judgment about it. She said she noted that my SUDS scores were highest when talking about that part, and she was going to ask me about it eventually. She praised me for "doing such hard work." I can hear her voice even as I write this.

We processed for about 15 minutes, and after blubbering a bit I was able to look her in the eye and basically go back to being a grown up.

It was pretty remarkable, yet a very emotionally draining session (like, more than the usual emotional drainage.) Now, I just hope I don't have an over-sharing/vulnerability hangover for the next week.

This gives me hope that maybe one day I can tell her the #1 most horrible secret thing that I'm ashamed of .... One day, maybe one day ....

 

[Morphius]

@Morphius I think that's great you have such an awesome, understanding T. The fact you can literally share anything and she gets why you are the way you are is inspiring! The fact you are comfortable and safe to share says a lot. One of my biggest fears is that the T will think less of me etc! So the talking myself out of sharing certain things is ongoing I'm afraid! Thanks for sharing and the phone idea is smart as it's not on paper.

She's definitely awesome, it took me so long to find her, too! I'm glad I'm there, now. I totally understand your fear in telling your therapist something and then thinking that they may think less of you. It's been a common fear of mine throughout all the therapists I've been with. Maybe you can even include that in what you write? "I want to tell you some things, but I'm just... scared you'd think less of me." See where that goes. I don't think she'd think less of you. You want to open up, which is a great thing, but maybe that fear is sort of like a defense mechanism so that you don't have to find out what happens if you do tell her the hard things. Good luck! And thanks, yeah, the phone method was easiest for me. The only thing I ever printed out was my trauma narrative.

 

[Glo809]

Greetings

I find myself in a downward trend. The urban influence I mentioned before came full force tonight, when I was a federal LE Officer I didn't have to absorb the attitude, but now I do.....

The knot of angst festering in my soul, will be no good for me.....

And I know the attitude givers, could care less....

G

 

[Lola Nocheprieta]

Greetings

I find myself in a downward trend. The urban influence I mentioned before came full force ton...

I'm not sure what all you're going through, @Glo809, but I wish you the best. Gentle hugs :hug:if you accept, chocolate (Yum!) if not!

Hang in there; this too shall pass.

 

[Missycat]

Good thread , good question.
I spent ages skirting around what i wanted to say and then would disassociate as the anxiety worsened. My T is amazing and with time i was able to say the words i was sexually abused .... i couldnt get the words out of what happened and the detail due to it triggering me and the shame etc.
With further work i was then able to put it in writing and email her prior to sessions - i had always wanted to tell someone and part of me felt relief that i had altho it was so difficult to face her at the next session. She made it comfortable for me by saying how brave i had been and i know it has helped her help me by her knowing what happened. Im on week 17 of T and i still struggle to say the words though. However with emdr it is not neccessary to speak about / talk about the detail.
I have certainly found it easier being able to write it down.
Good luck on your healing journey

 

[Muted]

Great question! I tend to drag things out until I can't stand to deal with it myself anymore. Or sometimes I tell my T. enough clues and information until she just figures it out. She's amazing at making it feel safe to talk to her though. But even still...sometimes it's really hard. There are still things I wish I could tell her, but just can't.

 

[Iamsensative]

Let me jump in on this one. i have such a difficult time sharing. My therapist had to drag out of me that i was sexually abused. Round and round we went until finally he got me to admit. Usually i get more and more hyper before i disclose, i become super sensative and easily hurt. I do write to him, he asks me if i want to talk about what i wrote and normally i say no. but i wanted him to know. But being able to send him emails have been life saving, i cant hold eye contact long when we are focusing on me, my feelings and trauma But i keep working at it. The other issue is my brain, when i become emotional everything becomes blank, i go into forget mode, if i didnt write things, he could would never know where i was. I decided with him i dont want to process the past, but i am trying to move forward by understanding what are my ingrained thoughts, feelings and work this way instead of focusing on details of abuse.