Sharing your diagnosis.. thoughts?

[candletea19]

I suppose I would put this under social, though I had a tough time deciding where to post. I'm sorry if it's not in the right spot.

I've been struggling lately. I think this is the first time I've opened up and actually said those words.
I've been seeing my treatment team for months and months, on medication for months and months, including what seemed like the right dose for months. The past few weeks I've been really struggling.

Besides the past few weeks, I have been struggling with one thing in particular. I'd like to get some others' opinions and views on it.

A few years ago, I was very actively trying to share what I could on Facebook (for example) about mental illness. I made sure those I associated with knew I wouldn't judge, I had open ears and heart (and closed lips!) to come to if they needed. I wanted to help however I could for friends, family, and strangers alike. My thought frame was basically "If I had a mental illness, everyone would know, and everyone would know it's okay. It's okay to struggle. It's okay to have a mental illness. You are still great, you can still have a good life. " etc etc.. I wanted to, if I ever had a mental illness, to help beat down the stereotypes, and help raise awareness and such.

Now that I've actually been given a diagnosis, I am dealing with it, with my "new normal," as my therapist says, I find it harder and harder to talk about it with people who are not in my close "support circle." Every few weeks-couple months, I will want to make a post about it. I will want to admit to all my Facebook friends what my diagnosis is. That it's okay to have a mental illness, there's no shame. I want to share that PTSD is not only from the military, that depression doesn't look obvious. You can have anxiety and panic attacks, or your friends or family could have panic attacks, and you don't even know.
But every time I want to post something like that... I don't. I feel shame, I feel the fear and panic setting in. I feel guilty. I feel like I'd be pretty publicly saying "I'm not a good mom," even though my logic always tells me I am a good mom. I feel defeated. I feel judged. I feel sick to my stomach. And I don't post it. Every time.

Does anyone else go through this? Am I overreacting? Should I post anyway?

It's all so frustrating. I just hope I'm not alone in this.

 

[I_Am_Titanium]

You are not alone in this. *hugs*

I was diagnosed with PTSD from abusive relationships about 2-3 years ago and am still in trauma therapy. I also struggle with posting about it on social media like FB every so often. I'm not sure why I struggle. I'm a mom too and I know I'm a good mom.

You mentioned you feel shame and such. Have you worked on figuring out where that is coming from? I'm currently doing inner child work with my therapist and shame comes up a lot for me. I was shamed a lot through my life and am still working on it. It really is a journey.

I've come to the conclusion (for me personally) that I need to limit what I post on FB about it. If I don't feel right about it, then I stop. Every so often someone will tell me that what I posted helped them. So I'm learning to listen to my gut instinct on what to post and when. If it doesn't feel right, I just don't do it and I try to not beat myself up about it. Instead I post on forums like this one which seems to help.

 

[candletea19]

You are not alone in this. *hugs*

I was diagnosed with PTSD from abusive relationships about 2-...

I think a lot of my shame and guilt come from a mix of my diagnosis (PTSD (including anxiety and panic), Major Depression, and Pain Disorder, and how before my diagnosis, and all growing up, I've never really had great self confidence or self esteem. I've also gained a lot of weight between having my child, my birth control option, and my diagnosis. I was 110 when I got pregnant, about 7 years ago), 150 a week after the birth, and now weigh about 210. I'm slowly working on this, but my psychologist wants me to do it very slowly, as she wants me to "treat the brain before working the body too hard." That gets to me a lot, too.

It just, it frustrates me, and I want to do things to try and help, and try and be open with people, etc. But even sharing certain articles.. some I won't, some I will. If anyone's paying attention, they definitely know I suffer from some sort of mental illness. I follow a few pages about it, and I share some articles about it, but have never said "HEY, I have ___"

And thank you for replying, it means a lot!

 

[New]

You are definitely not alone. People can be so cruel and many of my so called Facebook friends are very insensitive to any mental illness diagnosis. I have lost many friends from my own but I’m fine with it. It let me see who really cares. But like you I haven’t told many people. I’ve also decided so many people just don’t understand. They have no clue what we go through. Sending hugs if that’s okay.

 

[EveHarrington]

Have you stopped to think it may not be about shame?

Once it's in the internet, it's out there forever.

Facebook privacy settings fail frequently enough.

Why shoot myself in the foot and hand people ammunition to use against me?

The stigma is real.

Not being out doesn't indicate shame necessarily. For me it indicates a sense of privacy and self preservation. (Food on the table and a roof over my head are good reasons to only be selectively out!)

 

[Chitoshi]

Honestly I haven't shared the nature of my diagnosis on Facebook or with anyone other than friends, and that's if something relevant comes up such as if I'm in a full blown state of panic right then because of a trigger and I need their assistance (I'll tell them after I've calmed), if something comes up and someone says something ignorant about PTSD (because sometimes saying "hey I'm going through this and you're not correct in the least bit" helps, but I use MAJOR judgement about if they're open to it or not), if I'm advocating for myself, or if it comes up in conversation and I feel like sharing would be beneficial to me.

That being said, I've never told any of my employers. I did inform my university, but only because I qualify for ADA accommodations that I can only provide if my therapist provides a diagnosis to the ADA coordinator.

My family doesn't know because I believe it would break my mom (I think she'd blame herself and honestly at this point I'd rather she deal with her own stuff). My fiance's brother's fiance knows (well that was a mouthful) because it came up in conversation and I told her not to say anything. I trust her.

So basically I could only tell you mine comes down to gut feeling, but I didn't tell anyone for at least a year. I still use caution because I'm not certain I trust my judgement completely yet. I just don't want it to burn me.

If I want to tell someone something but not the full story? I tell them I have an Anxiety disorder. That's only a half truth, but at least it doesn't have as much stigma attached, unfortunately. I try to operate enough that I can be an advocate without limiting my options.

Other people may feel differently.

 

[Chitoshi]

The stigma is real.

Not being out doesn't indicate shame necessarily. For me it indicates a sense of privacy and self preservation. (Food on the table and a roof over my head are good reasons to only be selectively out!)

I completely agree with all of this. Thank you Eve for voicing my reasoning more eloquently than I could.

 

[Deleted member 44517]

I did this about two weeks ago. I just made a giant post about struggling with ptsd and depression. I am done hiding from stigmas. I am finally learning, after 20 years, that it's hard to get help or consideration if you never tell anyone.

Now, my FB friends are few in comparison with other people. I also am under a pseudonym so it's not like the world will know. It's mostly family. I've been struggling and isolating over the past two years and now they know why. I told everyone in one fell swoop. I'm glad I did it. People were generally supportive.

 

[Chem Lady]

I don't think you need to feel shame on top of everything else you must deal with in a day. Be ok with the decision you're making now. You may want to share more later and then you can. It is great that you have been a safe place for people to share about mental illness, but not all people are so progressive. It is a sad reality that sharing with the wrong person just puts more on your plate. It can really be good self-care to share with discretion.

 

[EveHarrington]

I did this about two weeks ago. I just made a giant post about struggling with ptsd and depression. I am...

A pseudonym on Facebook is against the rules and can get your account shut down.

I'm cracking up at you being "done" with stigmas yet your Facebook name is fake!

 

[Deleted member 44517]

I'll chance it.
I and several others i know do not use our real names because we work in fields where that could undermine our safety.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I never put anything on FB anymore, got burned badly by my daughter and had my account hacked so she could tell me off and call me every bad name she could think of while being very drunk one evening, I had to unfriend her and family members too. Now I just post memes and pictures and keep in touch with a few friends, but I am not big on talking about my diagnosis. I too do want any more ammo given away, It is a public forum so it is not really a safe place to do things like that and maybe your gut instinct is trying to tell you to be careful in what you share. You know what you can share or not, Good luck.