Intothelight, I doubt you're totally worthless. :smile:
Filing for SSDI is not easy for me, either. Resisted this for a long time myself. What it's going to do is essentially buy me some time to re-order, and re-assess my life, goals and my relationship with myself and the "exterior world'. Time to "train my brain" and self educate my communications, develop new more refined skills. Re-think, and re-train my relationship with myself and society. Plus, I may go berzerk and get into some ultra-nerdy computer stuff just for kicks; some "mental gymnastics".
It may not be forever, but it doesn't matter. I paid my Social Security quarters and so the insurance is legally mine. For about 6 years, maybe more, I resisted this. Call it denial or inability to recognize just how bad my anxiety disorder was, and how badly the stress was disaffecting me - whatever. Hindsight, right? It was a mistake, wish I'd initiated the process sooner. 'Course, have arthritis to back up my claim. Nevertheless, for me, true self esteem can only come with accepting the limitations I have, and may - to a degree - always have. But, not only accepting them, using them; my arthritis tells me: "use your brain". My anxiety disorder tells me: "master your emotions" (in the exterior world). How can I not accept this and go with it. Still, by moderating my life for a period of time, at least there is the chance of recovery and real measurable progress. If I keep the pedal to the metal forever, doubt there'd be much chance of a breakthrough.