Poll Should A Person Talk About His Fears? - A Poll

[Deleted member 28812]

This poll is related to this thread: https://www.myptsd.com/threads/not-a-laughing-matter.52927/#post-844695 and the answers which in turn is related to another thread. Sorry *sigh*.

I did not choose "display votes publicly" so you may vote anonymous or tell me in the thread what you votes if you want to. One of my questions is asked in the poll the other is what the spouse should do, talk about her husband fears or have an excuse?

 

[Viosinger]

I'm torn, and I'm genuinely struggling with this right now, so I chose "other." It seems incredibly awkward and rude sometimes, but it's important. It's a fine line to walk with when/with whom... And it's a balance I haven't found.

 

[Fadeaway]

I have a problem with the poll. None of the choices had to do with the persons desire or ability to talk about their fears. Sometimes talking about something can open a Pandora box you aren't ready to deal with.

 

[Deleted member 28812]

I forgot this answer and also forgot "It depends on how well he knows them" but I cannot edit the choices anymore.

 

[Fadeaway]

Its ok, so many possible choices, but those would be mine.

 

[Samantha_38]

Situational

 

[Born to Run]

Do you mean any person, or people with ptsd? That would make a big difference imo.

 

[Deleted member 28812]

Both. Why do you think that it makes a big difference?

 

[moonbeam]

Those answers aren't sufficient. It doesn't say to who, the situation, etc. Some of them imply that fears should be shared with everyone (like so others who have the fear stuff).

I don't think anyone is OBLIGATED to share there fears with anyone. I think its good to share with supportive people who can help cope/overcome. Its good to share with supportive loved ones so they can better understand how to help and interact.

There has to be a lot of trust to share a fear because it's always a concern that it could then be used against us.

Some fears are also difficult to talk about and some are difficult to explain. Fear of being buried alive sort of understandable. But there are people who are afraid of the number 13. I can't understand why because to me it's a number just like 12 or 14. But for some people its a genuine fear.

Some of my fears I can only talk about in therapy because it leads down a rabbit hole it isn't safe to trod without trained assistance. And some of my fears are silly to everyone but me. But my fear of my fears being used against me prevents me with sharing with all but a very select few.

 

[Deleted member 28812]

It doesn't say to who, the situation, etc.

Okay. I wanted a more general question but let's make it more concrete.

What if there is a person who has a deep fear of Hawai and his friends and his wife are planing a Hawai themed party. I know no such person. It is just an example of a fear a person might have nobody else who does not have this fear might have an idea about.

 

[anonymous]

Other. It depends on so many variables that it is impossible to answer other than case by case. There is no blanket approach to something like this.

It depends on the fear, the cause of the fear, who the person is being expected to share it with, what their reaction is likely to be....to name just a few variables...

End of the day, the only 'should' that comes into it is that a person should only share their fears if that is a decision they have come to themselves. They should not be pressured or feel obligated to do so.

Even with your example of Hawaii - who is the person being expected to share his fear with? One trusted person? Everyone involved in the party planning? Everyone invited to the party? What if he can't share that with anyone without expecting to be ridiculed for such a seemingly bizarre fear or have that minimised or swept aside? Should he still share it?

 

[scout86]

In your hypothetical situation, I can see where some people would be tempted to think that sharing their fear of Hawaii would be good. In my own, personal experience, it would be a fairly stupid idea, under the circumstances. To begin with, I'm aware that "most people" don't HAVE a fear of Hawaii and are going find MY fear to be irrational because they don't understand it. If I tell them of my fear, 99 chances out of 100 they will tell me some version of "You're being silly, get over it." They MAY even tell me that I DON'T have a fear of Hawaii, which is also a bit hard to hear. No good comes of that. Besides that, this fear is MY problem and I'm the one who has to deal with it. They want this party? Who am I to deprive them of the type of party they want? Just because I'm a nut case and find the idea terrifying does give ME the right to ask them to change their plans. And, maybe they're super nice people and will feel sorry for me and want to change the nature of the party on my account. That would be HORRIBLE! Then I'm responsible for them not getting to do what they wanted. I'm going to OWE them. At some point, I'm going to have to PAY for this! I KNOW I will, that's the way it ALWAYS goes and it will be bad......

Does that clarify anything? What's kind of funny and maybe a little alarming is that I started off planning to give a calm, rational explanation and was actually kind of getting into it by the end.

This isn't hard and fast, and therapy and where you're at with things makes a difference, I suppose. Personally, my experience is that anything I say can and will be used against me, so I'm best off keeping my feelings (such as they are) to myself. Like everyone else has said, there are a lot of variables and there isn't one answer. And the answers are going to vary some with the person. I would think some guys (in particular) would have trouble sharing their fears because the stereotype is that guys either don't get to BE scared or they "deal with it".

One thing I know absolutely for sure, just because someone wants me to talk about something or share something that doesn't mean it's a good idea. And just because someone says they can handle it doesn't mean they can. And 100% for sure, just because they say "You can trust me!" doesn't mean you can. (In fact, I think it usually means you can't.)