Should I Leave My Moms House?

[matthios]

I see you've listed CO as your location: I really don't know how things are there. Maybe you can ask around and research the local psych wards to see which isbetter. Please understand, I'm not trying to discourage you from getting help, only that for most of the people I've known (and me), that place wasn't helpful and really ended up doing harm. I know one person who said a trip to the psych ward was a good thing.

Also, don't think I'm trying to say that those with mental health issues are to be avoided. I mean, it's a pot/kettle/blackness situation if I meant that. But being suicidal/depressed/anxious/neurotic is a very, very different ballgame than the psychotics. Some psychotics have rather pleasant delusions... others will scare the crap out of you. You really never know what mix of people you'll be around until you get there. I've had the unfortunate experience of being around violent psychotics. If you're on this forum, and have ptsd, then you're probably accustomed to not feeling safe... well, when that's your baseline, and you've got someone talking about wanting to crack your skull to eat the smurfs that live in your brain? well- it's even harder to feel safe.

Maybe, though, having some sort of external scare will be good for you? I mean, one of the things to serious reduce my suicidality (at least for a while) was having someone try to kill me. (fo' real real, not fo' play play/psychotic delusions). This isn't to say you should seek out a dangerous situation: far from it. Maybe a trip to the psych ward (even a safe trip) would just be sufficiently outside your comfort zone to shake things up a bit. Maybe that's all you need?

I really hope you find the help you're looking for and don't have the sort of experiences I've had.

 

[InHell11]

I don't have much choice even if there are various places to compare, I think there is only one hospital I can go to unless I want to be even more unable to pay the bill. There is a program to help people with medical costs but you have to go to specific clinics and they have one hospital and I imagine it has a psych ward. I suppose beggars can't be choosers, fits here.

I know you're not trying to deter me from getting help, I am just anxious about it since going to the psych ward from what I know isn't exactly my idea of a good time. It doesn't help that in basically every movie that has a psych ward in it is either a horror movie or just generally gives an over all negative impression of such places. So I really am not to thrilled about it I just feel like its something I likely have to do if I don't want to off myself.

Also though I tend to kind of scare myself at times, like when the PTSD fight or flight response kicks in and my mind chooses fight. I mean its not the same as being psychotic but it certainly seems pretty similar, I mean I am not a violent person yet yesterday It took everything I had not to punch my moms boyfriend in the face because he set me off.I think I'd rather be around people with psychotic disorders than my moms boyfriend.

At this point I think if someone was telling me they would do something like that and I actually felt they could at least make a good attempt at it it would either scare me me or I'd go 'PTSD psychotic' on them and I'd be the one being restrained so I don't hurt them. I mean up until this past couple years I more suffered the anxious/depressed sort of detached, numb side of PTSD but in the past couple years the adrenaline/rage thing that sometimes gets triggered rather then 'oh crap gotta get out of here' feeling has gotten quite a bit worse.

So other than feeling suicidal I also don't want to cause harm to anyone and end up in jail(even though its likely they would end up still putting me in the psych ward, due to unrelenting anxiety and stress it would cause. I would probably either shut down and not be able to do anything other than stare or I wouldn't be able to stop the physical anxiety reactions). I can't very well force my mom to kick her boyfriend out and end her relationship just because I might not be able to hold back that punch to the face next time.

 

[Shellbell]

The situation you are in at your Mum's house is not good, or conducive to healing, especially with your Mum's boyfriend making things worse.

I hope you are safe and you are okay?

 

[Philippa]

That's a tough situation you're in.

I've stayed in domestic violence shelters before, and they were fairly good...well, the first one wasn't great, but the two after that were clean and manageable, good people, and in the homeless shelter I had my own room, with a fridge and lots of space.

I also had free counselling whenever I needed it and a case worker who helped me find a place to live, and even had the shelter pay for a course I did in ESL, so now I have a career teaching english to foreign students...not too shabby.

They differ though depending on where you live, so I don't know how they would be where you live, and I don't like to suggest that you fake a story to get a room or a bed in one...but if these are your only options, maybe it's a better alternative to the streets?

What's the weather like where you're at? Is it winter or summer?

I'm like you...I would avoid going into a psych ward unless it was the absolute last resort...and even then, I may just choose to live on the streets or in a park rather than have my freedom of choice taken away, and be dosed up to remain docile and obedient.

 

[saffy]

Hi inhell11
It sounds to me that it is your mum who is the manipulator to me. Your little brother is still innocent enough to share his feelings and thoughts. It's no wonder you cannot. Do what you think is right, if you want to look after him and tell him you are on his side, then do so.

As for leaving home I think a break would help as there is obviously a lot of triggers there that you have to face everyday and not always knowing what to do for the best. By being away you can start looking in from the outside to see things for what they really are then you can start dealing with them. if that makes sense.

You are fortunate that you have somewhere to go, but it depends on the relationship between your aunt and mum to make sure she will remain impartial. It will give you a chance to start recovery.

Best wishes
Saffy :)