Should I Share What I Wrote With T?

[NightSky]

I have emailed before a session when I know I won't be able to speak, and although I'm INSANELY scared to face her after doing so, I've never regretted it. Some of those emails have included gritty details that I needed someone to know, that were intruding after something in a session sparked them. And it turned out that in some of the details that maybe would be considered unnecessary to share, I've learned major lessons about why I do the things I do. It also helped me to have someone believe me.
I have also used writing to avoid feeling in session, and I'm trying not to do that anymore. If it's something I feel like I might get emotional about, I write it out to process it myself and go into the session determined to say it instead. Being in the room with her and receiving instant feedback and validation is healing, and writing can sometimes stand in the way of that. But if I know it's something I just won't be able to get out of my mouth because of fear or shame, writing to her has always proven very helpful.
I think, based on what you wrote, keeping things inside is poisoning you and dealing with the awkward, while hard, makes you stronger. So I say go for it.

 

[Cannottakethis]

When I wrote poetry relating to my trauma, my T had me read it out loud to her. But when I wrote out the Trauma Timeline, I just handed it to her and she read it. Her face and response were so validating. Kind of saying "no wonder you're in so much pain".

@Holdingontohope do what you'll be most comfortable with. In my mind, sharing the details can be a purging experience. Tell your T and it's not your burden alone anymore. You must trust him enough to speak as much as you have already.
all you can do is start, and see how it goes. You can always stop if it gets to be too much.

 

[ShodokanJenn]

I write everything in advance for my T. Then we go through it together at my appointment - I read, he responds and asks questions and answers questions and gives advice and points out distorted cognitions. It has worked really well for me, as I tend to struggle a lot with putting words to what happened.

So I think showing your T what you wrote is a great idea.

 

[sun seeker]

We just have never really talked about the details of what happened or the specific memories. Can it be helpful to share/talk about those details?

It depends what you want. If it's going to be so hard for you that as you say you won't be able to look him in the eye afterwards, I'd say not. There is no particular benefit to going into all the details vs. being more general. He already knows you were sexually abused and is helping you process that (I imagine - not sure what level or type of therapy you are doing). You can process the trauma without necessarily going into the details. I have done lots of processing the emotions and the somatic sensations associated with sexual abuse, for instance, but have never gone into a lot of detail about the content. For me, I don't as yet feel the need to.

On the other hand, if you share more details, it sounds like it will bring up shame for you. That could be an opportunity to work on processing shame, which is a nearly universal result of sexual abuse. (It shouldn't be - you weren't the one who did anything wrong - but it is.) If you can have him read what you wrote and then let him help you work through how you are feeling about sharing that, it might benefit you by helping you release the shame you have been holding on to. Just sharing the writing and then feeling like you have to hide would make things worse for you, which is not the point of therapy.

The question to ask yourself is are you stable enough to do this and then be okay to go home at the end of your session? If not, it probably is not yet time.

 

[Deleted member 34328]

I know I'm late adding on to this thread @Holdingontohope I just want to share with you something relevant that I did last week with my therapist.

I've had a huge flare up over the last 3 to 4 weeks. It's been a while since things have gotten this bad. My therapist was out of town at the time, and I chose not to get in touch. I probably should have, might have helped to lower anxiety etc... regardless, because of the nature of my trauma, I've developed a huge distrust of all men. Doesn't matter if they're store clerks or cashiers.

My therapist is a man. I've been with him for 4 years with no interest in changing. However, being a man, I felt very threatened by him, had no intention of closing the door and being alone with him. There's no way I can open up to someone I don't trust. Unfortunately after all this time, he's in that category - whether it makes sense or not. My last session was last Thursday.

I decided to take my journal with me and gave him part of it to read. Gave him all the info he needed regarding how and why I'm feeling the way I am. I didn't give him everything, just a part.

He handled it very well and we worked it out that I could stay in the office and manage a full session. Now I'm trying hard to maintain some contact - short text or something like that. Sort of regain some of the trust I had before. We'll see how it goes, but giving him some of the journal was definitely an important step. Risky on my part to share personal thoughts with an "unsafe" person, but made a very doable session. I definitely was more relaxed by the end then when I started out.

That's just something I did recently. Don't know if it helps at all or not.

 

[EveHarrington]

If we keep everything inside, what is the point of therapy?

I'm not even sure how one would process the trauma without disclosing details. I mean it's impossible to process if we're only dealing with generalities.

 

[BlueOrange]

Before you process anything, you have to create an environment that's safe enough for processing to occur. A legitimate goal of therapy is to 'stabilize and prepare for processing'.

Well done @stp2012.

 

[PTSDsirv]

OK, first of all, sorry I have been posting/asking so many questions lately. I just really don...

Your therapist is trained to handle your information in a very non-judgmental way. Most therapists have heard a lot of pretty graphic stories in their career. While your story is unique, you are not alone. You have him with you now as you revist and process your trauma in a safe environment. Yet, listen to yourself. You may need to go through this slowly even if you are tempted to get it all out at once. There is something to be said for reviewing the abuse at a pace that isn't overwhelming or at the opposite end of the spectrum, too general. Your feeling of shame is normal and often what the abusers counted on. My abusers did. In any case, shame is a very human emotion and your therapist will most likely understand and help you work through it. So, share it with him in a way or pace that doesn't overwhelm you. Writing for me was so helpful because sometimes when I spoke on my own my thoughts, feelings, and memories got jumbled together which is also normal but not very helpful and often added to my shame.

 

[PTSDsirv]

Before you process anything, you have to create an environment that's safe enough for processing to...

Yes, if your therapist has shared a treatment plan with you, this would be in phase one. You also need to have developed trust in your therapist
in this phase. Phase 2 moves to reviewing and processing the trauma at your pace.

 

[Robbie]

I dealt with this myself recently and did "bite the bullet" and let my therapist read my journal entry from the previous week. It was the first time I had shared such a thorough explanation of my feelings of shame, guilt and self-hatred as a result of the sexual abuse I endured as a pre-teen.. She read it silently while I shook with anxiety and fear. She asked some questions for clarification and voiced her empathy for me. We have a really close bond now and my relief from the purge is huge. I feel a weight has been lifted.