Should i wait for therapy or pay?

[Thinkingoutloud]

Hi,
I’ve on the waiting list for therapy and it should start in a few months. But I’m really struggling now. I was thinking of paying for therapy before I start my nhs therapy but would struggle to pay for it. Would it be worth having therapy for 2 months before starting my nhs therapy? I find it hard to trust and my issues are complex. Can they help much in 2 months? I don’t know if I’m just wasting my money which I don’t really have but struggling so much.

 

[Suzetig]

It really depends - a couple of months can achieve a lot, therapy doesn’t need to be long term to make a massive difference to your quality of life and trauma therapy doesn’t need to be long term either. If you’re waiting for the nhs it’s likely to be relatively short term therapy they give anyway.

So, if there something particular that’s making daily life hard for you or a particular symptom that is particularly debilitating it might be worth working on that specifically. If you’ve never been in counselling before doing some short term work can let you know whether you are likely to be able to work that way. Not everyone gets along with talking therapy, and not everyone needs it, so it’s worth testing out.

In terms of relationship- it may sound odd but you don’t need to trust the person that is your therapist any more than you need to trust the person that is your GP. You need to trust their ability to support you and that they know what they’re doing but if you go into therapy thinking “I don’t trust”, you’ll really struggle to engage in the process. Could you reframe it in terms of you finding it very hard to trust but will try because trust will help your recovery? That thought process will help far beyond therapy and helps you to challenge all or nothing thinking - which is an important part of any therapy.

If you’re struggling financially, unless there’s a compelling reason to start with someone sooner, I wouldn’t bother because financial stress isn’t going to help things any.

 

[James McGregor]

Hi,
I’ve on the waiting list for therapy and it should start in a few months. But I’m really struggling no...

It's a tricky one, NHS therapy in many ways is sadly not very good, it used to be. Now the first thing they will tell you is when you will finish with them, without even knowing you or your problems, and there is practically no leeway with thqt. Private therapy is better in every way, apart from the obvious one - it can be very expensive. Because NHS therapy is so infrequent (you don't have any input into its frequency) I ended up topping up the NHS with private. If I could afford it is always go private, but have to settle for NHS sadly.

 

[Friday]

I don’t have to trust the person to learn from them, nor use their skill set.

I’m not dating them.
I’m not making friends with them.

Like a professor, a mechanic, a doctor, or any other professional... I care that they’re good at what they do. Doesn’t mean I blindly follow everything they say. I question teachers, mechanics, doctors, and every other professional as well.

 

[barefoot]

I think it depends.

A couple of months isn’t very long in terms of building a therapeutic alliance and opening up and digging around in complex, traumatic stuff. But if you have a particular issue or symptom etc that you’re specifically struggling with at the moment, it is certainly possible that you could make progress with that and get some useful support while you wait for your NHS therapy to start.

For me, I think if I could narrow a focus to a particular challenge to work on to make day to day life more manageable (eg anxiety) that would mean I would be less concerned about the need/want for a strong therapeutic relationship and trust would be less of an issue.

Personally, I do feel it is important that I trust my therapist. And my medical professionals. And I find that very difficult sometimes. But that’s probably because doctors and teachers have been abusive in my past - hence part of the reason why I am in therapy in the first place!

Your NHS therapy is likely to be short term, I suspect. So, I guess another plus of starting with a private one now means you may identify someone who you would like to return to and continue with after your NHS sessions have run out.

Ultimately though, I think it depends on your financial position. If you really can’t afford private therapy, spending money that you don’t have on it probably isn’t going to make anything better. If anything, worrying about money or getting into debt will probably add to your struggles.

So, perhaps start with that - can you realistically afford some private sessions or not? And, if not, what other resources can you use for support to bridge the gap between now and your NHS therapy starting? This place? Reading? YouTube videos? Are there any low cost groups in your area?

If you think you can afford it in the short term, perhaps think about what particular thing you would benefit from focusing on. Where would you like to get to with that issue in your time with the private therapist?

And, on the trust front, it may be worth asking yourself what you might need in order to feel safer/trust in therapy. And, if you can identify something, then look to see how you might go about meeting that need. It may be something you can do for yourself. It might be something you can ask a therapist about or something that can help you choose a private therapist if you go down the private route.

 

[charlies mum]

Definitely go private, I’ve done the nhs ones but you only get up to 12 sessions at 50 mins a week, they are always running late and don’t make the time up. I did 12 sessions which wasn’t nearly enough, they have to discharge you at 12 weeks however bad you are then you can reapply but you will go to the bottom of the waiting list and will just have to wait, I’ve been waiting 3 months now since reapplying and heard nothing. At least privately you can choose when to end the therapy and when you are paying you are definitely treated better.

 

[Lucycat]

Not all NHS therapy is the same. I was really lucky to have an NHS therapist and I saw him as frequently as was necessary. To start with, when I was in a crisis and thought I was going mad, I saw him 2 or 3 times a week, but it quickly reduced to weekly, monthly until finally I was discharged. He said when it comes to PTSD it takes as long to heal as it did for the damage to occur. In my case I was abused for a period of 7 years as a child, so I understood that I was in therapy for the long haul and it turned out to be about right. However I only saw him 3 or 4 times in that last year.

Of course when I say 'heal' I do understand that PTSD (or CPTSD as I was diagnosed with) never actually goes away - but it becomes manageable so that it no longer takes over your whole life all the time - just now and again.

My sessions were usually about an hour long and my therapist came to my house. Often he was late, but I knew it was something important had turned up. He always texted me to give me an ETA in those cases. I appreciated that he saw every client as important - and he would not cut someone short at the end of a session when they are distressed.

I don't want to give you false hope. I do know that my therapist was exceptional, and I was extremely lucky to have him. But I don't want you to read all the doom and gloom and write it off either.

 

[Emotional girl]

I have had a mixed experience with the NHS and I think it depends on the area where you live and the type of therapists which are available.
Where I used to live was a very populated area I got the usual 12 weeks sessions and I have to admit I found that very difficult to deal with.However a couple of years ago I moved to a different part of the UK and last year I started to see my present psychologist who specialises in complex therapy and I honestly can't fault him in anyway.We have been seeing each other for about a year now and he has been so patient ,kind and supportive with me ,I couldn't ask for a better psychologist and it was him that identified that I have both PTSD and CPTSD .If I had my way he would get a massive pay rise because he deserves it for all the hard work that he does and I feel very privileged to have him as my psychologist.
For me NHS therapists seem to get a hard time on here but it is not their fault that they are restricted due to the lack of funds available.They work really hard and deserve alot of praise but like in profession you can get good and bad therapists and I am sure that is the same in the private sector as well.
I think everyone needs to do what feels comfortable to them .If you would prefer to go private than that is your choice but please make sure that you can afford it and it doesn't cause you any hardship.
If you want to wait for the NHS then maybe you could ring up your local NHS mental health services or speak to your GP and just ask them some basic questions like how long the wait is and how many sessions you will be seen for and then make up a balanced view on how to go forward.
Good luck with whatever you choose to do.

 

[Deleted member 36028]

I think private has worked best for me. The money helps me stay commited- although I do struggle to open up and so it is expensive. I have paid for a few different therapists and they have varied in experience and how we connect. At the moment my therapist has many years of experience I am paying a pretty reduced fee that you would normally expect to pay a trainee. I am lucky.

As for NHS therapists well the waiting list is hard enough to get onto so that was a barrier. But I have seen a psychologist in the past but our sessions were so infrequent that is was stabalising to an extent, but there was little in depth work done. In have had a few shoddy therapists through my gp surgery, but they are also private so it doesn't seem to make a difference there. I would give the NHS therapy ago because you have nothing to loose and can always fall back on it, you can't fall back on NHS therapy.

I think going to private therapy could be useful, I know all the therapy I have had up until this current stint has prepared me for the work. What to talk about, what is the setting like, what are my preferences etc. you might not need that and actually the seeing different people might just throw you mid flow, just something to consider. I hope it goes well for you and best of luck!

 

[eirecolleen]

Hi,
I’ve on the waiting list for therapy and it should start in a few months. But I’m really struggling no...

I really relate to this. Felt like then that there was so many different parts to my trauma, that if I started on one, the others would also be there and would pop out. I felt where do I start to unravel. I wanted to be able to control it so that I could still function and I wanted to control who I spoke to. The NHS scared me, as I felt, and I don't know why, that I would be misunderstood, but I did not know where to go. Fortunately my GP surgery had counselling on site and this is where I was first diagnosed with PTSD, at the time one of my traumas was prevalent, a trauma which I was reliving 25 years later, so I went with it. I was relieved that it there was a name for this. After completing this, I needed to go on. They sent me to different places in the NHS for assessment, but felt they were not relating. I had to try. However through the NHS they spoke about options with me and one of the options was outside of the NHS where they offered financial subsidy, so I had to pay very little for a more trauma related specialism. From there, the specialised service supported me and were able to refer me to another part of my trauma which was troubles related. It is a journey and it is difficult, I always remind myself in difficult times that by searching and talking about it I am breaking the silence of it and that it is a new way of surviving,a better way of surviving with support. It is a searching journey looking for the right support, through this journey I have found that my strength is my resilience, that what happened to me normal reactions to abnormal situations and that has been of a comfort to me, along with knowing that I am not alone in this anymore and that there are a lot of people who also relate to this...