Show Wife I Don't Mean To Push Her Away?

[Raj]

How can I show my wife I don't mean to push her away? She is very supportive in general, yet this PTSD "monster" is coming between us! I have extreme guilt about the fact my disability canceled hers out due to bureaucracy. She no longer has medical coverage and I do.

She also gets overwhelmed when I share too much information (flashbacks and negative thoughts), so I withhold and try to find outside resources to cope with my multiple medical issues. She shares guilt about my stress over driving with seizures in an area with no public transit.


If I don't share she gets hurt. I am lost in how to show respect for all she puts up with and not overtax her support. I want to be a team mate with her and not a user.

 

[ashdawn8287]

It's all about finding a balance Raj. Trial and error. Explain to her you and working on finding a balance between opening up vs being too open. I am working on that with my fiancee right now. I cried to him last night but I didn't tell him why other than I had a childhood flashback. He pulled me close and held me. I worry that I pushed it too far with crying, but hey I needed the comfort. I only cried for a few minutes too. Just explain to her that you don't want to overwhelm her by sharing too much, but also not hurt her by withholding too much. She what she says.

Also, my therapist told me to work on the relationship. We have been doing date nights once a week. One week I will plan it, big or small, just anything new we haven't done together. The next week he plans it. BUT, we don't tell each other what is planned because it keeps us on our toes. Last friday I bought a puzzle and we listened to music and did a puzzle. It was nice.

Just remember it's all about the balance. You'll get there.

 

[99Phoenix99]

I agree with everything that Ashdawn said.

It's hard to ask for help and to share. It's an even worse feeling to know you cause someone you care about pain because of what you share. It's a balancing act. That takes time and practice.

I think the thing that helps me the most is taking myself out of my own situation. And posing the question to myself: "if a friend was in this situation, what advice would I give them? Would I allow them to be as hard on them self as I am to myself?"

Self compassion is probably one of the hardest things for me to put into practice.

I wish the best for you, and hope that you can cut yourself a break. It will cone with time (probably one of the most obnoxious but truest facts there could be)