Si & Not Realizing It

[equestrian4life]

Hi,

So I feel a little strange posting this but one thing that's been happening is that I've been self injuring without really realizing it. Let me explain.

I work in sometimes a stressful situation (with family) and I'm not one to show my stress or anxiety about something and if I am stressed or anxious I have a habit of taking it out on myself. Recently I've been aware only after the fact that I had rubbed the skin off my hand/wrist in two places. My right hand looks like it's been through a war. I can't tell if when things get too overwhelming for me, if I unconsciously do this? If I keep it up, the scars will be unbearable. To me it's a form of dissociating...but I need to realize it to stop it.

Does anyone else do this? I don't know that it's directly related to my PTSD, but it's a bad coping mechanism I picked up somewhere. I really want to stop. Grounding is not going to work as it's almost too late. I'm going to bring it up with my therapist when I see her, but I'm not sure when that will be, my schedule is packed, but I've got to see her, it's driving me crazy yet serving a purpose all at the same time.

Thanks for any help/advice.

 

[Hope4Now]

Although it's not as severe as what you describe, this happens to me too. Yesterday morning I noticed I had four bruised on my upper arm and four on my forearm. I vaguely remembered digging my fingers into my arm the day before. I don't know whether, for me, it is a form of dissociation or an extreme attempt to somehow stay present in my body. Either way it is disturbing.

If your hand looks like it went through the war, you should consider calling your therapist to help you address this. While scars may be an issue, the real danger when yiu break skin is infection.

Please take care of you!

 

[NightShadows]

Hmmm I used to self harm but it was on purpose. But I also have always bitten my nails really badly so much so I didn't realize when I was doing it. It seems to be an anxiety thing. A habit when you get nervous.

 

[Wyakin]

@equestrian4life I rub my wrists when I am anxious, mostly my right one. I hadn't noticed I was doing it until someone pointed it out to me but like you, I now have very sore patches of skin. My friend who noticed has helped me to work out when I do it by pointing it out to me and helping me work out what is going on. I am worse when I can feel a pressure in my wrist as a memory.

I have found that the reason I was doing it was mostly because I had nothing else to focus my desire to move my hands on. I now wear a watch and have an elastic band on my other wrist so that when I am feeling anxious I fiddle with those rather than rubbing.

I still do it sometimes but for the most part it has stopped, I have been putting savlon on the sore patches to help them heal.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

Almost all of my self-injury is done in a state of dissociation. It comes in two forms. If I am super anxious or afraid, I often scratch the skin off- usually my hands or legs (if I am curled up). My legs and hands are horribly scarred. I try really hard to check in on myself when I know I am in danger of going into this state and pay attention to what my hands are doing. Of course sometimes I can't stop myself from entering that state because I am not really aware of going there. It's tricky.

My other self-injury is cutting and it happens when my emotions are overwhelming. I slip into another mindset and cut. I don't know I've done it until I see the blood or the bandages. I am working on strategies for helping get those emotions out before they build up that way. I take breaks to bounce basketball, take a walk, write, or rip up old magazines. It's a long road though with only minor success so far. The scars bother me a lot and I hide them when I can.

 

[lonelyshadow]

I am constantly doing this in many minor ways... I feel so guilty(?) ashamed and ugly. To other people (like my boyfriend) it comes across as over grooming/perfectionism because I spend so much time in the bathroom. The problem is I can't stop until it really hurts. I do things like picking at my scalp and developing little sores, plucking leg hairs and digging into my skin with tweezers, cutting cuticles back to raw skin, pulling at rough skin on my feet until it peels. I can spend ages in a trance doing this in a semi conscious way. Afterwards I am conscious of the horrible/yucky/painful way it looks and that is why I force myself to restrict it to places that won't be easily noticed by other people. Lately I have been fighting the urge to do more serious damage using pins and scissors. It's especially difficult while my boyfriend is overseas for business. I do these things whenever I "need" to although it's not always a conscious decision that I factor into my daily plans, it can disrupt other plans I had made for the day ahead (which I fret over). One thing I've noticed, and can't work out why, is I always do these things after having sex (sorry if TMI). It's such a dissociating/self loathing/cathartic/punishment/hate thing I can't "dig" to the bottom of (pun intended). It's so hard to stop myself at the best of times and so often I just give in for the tiny bit of relief it brings. Just another thing too hard to explain to "normal" people. Just another thing I have to fight against myself. I'm so exhausted of this life.

I'm sorry I don't have any answers for you, as I can relate and can't seem to help myself either...

 

[ghotiff]

I had rubbed the skin off my hand/wrist in two places

If its always the same places, would wearing a bandage, bracelet, or support type brace, or sticky cream like Vaseline, or something else that would feel weird to rub your wrist with it there...maybe it might help pull you into being more aware of it at the time? Once aware of it, maybe you can have a plan on what to do to instead.