Ok, here I go. Please excuse the spell ck.
I left school in the 8th grade. My focus was more on what kinda of sexual act I would have to perform on my step dad or what type of beating I would have to get prepared for...It was usually the belt on my back, the other choice was to take it up the A** as he would say. I always took the belt. Anyway It started before I even went to school so I'd say about 3? Until 15, it all came out when I got caught writing a letter in class about it.
I was abused physically, mentally and emotionaly by my step dad. My mother knew it was going on but turned the other cheek. She always attempted to comfort me after I was beaten...she would hide food in my dresser drawer incase i was hungry after being stuck in the corner for hours. She'd even sneak in the closet to feed me toast if he left to go the store real quick.
I had a brother that loved me so much he died trying to protect us. He was shot with a 12gage shot gun by our child hood friend who didnt know the gun was loaded. He thought my step dad was getting out of jail again. (my family bailed him out the 1st time) It was the first time I ever got to tell him I loved him then his eyes rolled into the back of his head and he died.
My mom ended up throwing me out after I came back from a weekend at a friends house. She wanted to start a new life. I've been on my own every since. My step dad did 20 years back in 1987. I testifed alone and I have to say it felt good I stood up and looked into that MONSTERS eyes. After he got out years later I found him and confronted him. Of course he wanted to meet me at a public place because he said I had too much time to think about things. I was ok at first because he let me know right away it was his fault and he applologized. When I asked him why he did it he said it molded me into the woman my mother wasnt and blamed it on drugs. He appologized about my brother but said he felt more like I was his since my mother hooked up with him when she was pregnant with me.
He had one question for me that made me want to do every little thing to him that he did to me. I didnt want to kill him but I sure wanted him to experience the torture he made me go through. He had the nerve to ask me if he ever force me? Wow, if someone tied you to a bed jumped on you beat you and laughed or better yet would threaten to take you to the dessert and f*** your brains out and no one would ever know...Would you really have to foce me!!! I laughed and ended the visit and never contacted him again.
I have no mother, father, brother. Hell, I dont even know who my real dad is or even what nationality I am. My mom to this day plays the victim roll and acts like she cant remember anything. She was angry when I moved out of state and she felt like I owed her something. I did owe her something I printed my step dads pic of off "Watch Dog" a registered sex offender site and sent to her in the mail. I reminded her she was suppose to protect me and my brother from him not feed us to him to be tortured. Needless to say I havent heard back from her.
I can go on and on but i'd be writing a book. I was lucky and had the opportunity to put closure to alot of the events that happend to me. I had counseling briefly after I told because it was court ordered. Once my brother died the court dropped everything, made me an immancipated minor and the rest is history.
I just try to deal with the problems as they come. The nightmares and dreams bug me the most but once I figure them out they usually go away.The latest thing I'm dealing with is this horrible smell it's only happened to me twice but the smell is some type of chemical that leaves me standing terrifed where I cant even move. I feel instantly overcome with fear. Then within a minute its gone.
Ok...I better stop rambling...Love and peace to all new found brothers and sisters! Stay strong, know it wasnt your fault and never be ashamed!
I left school in the 8th grade. My focus was more on what kinda of sexual act I would have to perform on my step dad or what type of beating I would have to get prepared for...It was usually the belt on my back, the other choice was to take it up the A** as he would say. I always took the belt. Anyway It started before I even went to school so I'd say about 3? Until 15, it all came out when I got caught writing a letter in class about it.
I was abused physically, mentally and emotionaly by my step dad. My mother knew it was going on but turned the other cheek. She always attempted to comfort me after I was beaten...she would hide food in my dresser drawer incase i was hungry after being stuck in the corner for hours. She'd even sneak in the closet to feed me toast if he left to go the store real quick.
I had a brother that loved me so much he died trying to protect us. He was shot with a 12gage shot gun by our child hood friend who didnt know the gun was loaded. He thought my step dad was getting out of jail again. (my family bailed him out the 1st time) It was the first time I ever got to tell him I loved him then his eyes rolled into the back of his head and he died.
My mom ended up throwing me out after I came back from a weekend at a friends house. She wanted to start a new life. I've been on my own every since. My step dad did 20 years back in 1987. I testifed alone and I have to say it felt good I stood up and looked into that MONSTERS eyes. After he got out years later I found him and confronted him. Of course he wanted to meet me at a public place because he said I had too much time to think about things. I was ok at first because he let me know right away it was his fault and he applologized. When I asked him why he did it he said it molded me into the woman my mother wasnt and blamed it on drugs. He appologized about my brother but said he felt more like I was his since my mother hooked up with him when she was pregnant with me.
He had one question for me that made me want to do every little thing to him that he did to me. I didnt want to kill him but I sure wanted him to experience the torture he made me go through. He had the nerve to ask me if he ever force me? Wow, if someone tied you to a bed jumped on you beat you and laughed or better yet would threaten to take you to the dessert and f*** your brains out and no one would ever know...Would you really have to foce me!!! I laughed and ended the visit and never contacted him again.
I have no mother, father, brother. Hell, I dont even know who my real dad is or even what nationality I am. My mom to this day plays the victim roll and acts like she cant remember anything. She was angry when I moved out of state and she felt like I owed her something. I did owe her something I printed my step dads pic of off "Watch Dog" a registered sex offender site and sent to her in the mail. I reminded her she was suppose to protect me and my brother from him not feed us to him to be tortured. Needless to say I havent heard back from her.
I can go on and on but i'd be writing a book. I was lucky and had the opportunity to put closure to alot of the events that happend to me. I had counseling briefly after I told because it was court ordered. Once my brother died the court dropped everything, made me an immancipated minor and the rest is history.
I just try to deal with the problems as they come. The nightmares and dreams bug me the most but once I figure them out they usually go away.The latest thing I'm dealing with is this horrible smell it's only happened to me twice but the smell is some type of chemical that leaves me standing terrifed where I cant even move. I feel instantly overcome with fear. Then within a minute its gone.
Ok...I better stop rambling...Love and peace to all new found brothers and sisters! Stay strong, know it wasnt your fault and never be ashamed!
