Sinking Feeling

[mytai]

@Junebug The lack of sleep is from stress and my mind racing. Trying different ways to combat the insomnia, but the new meds might be contributing to it a touch. As for not eating, I still really don't have much of an appetite since I got over the pneumonia and the meds also make me not so hungry. I try to snack throughout the day though.

I don't know if this is really gut instinct or just fear of being close to him distance wise. It's not like I told him I'm coming down or contacted him in any way, and as far as I know, no one that is going to be there at Christmas speaks to him either.

 

[Tinyflame]

Mytai, I would GUESS it's a cognitive fear (anticipation), from what you have said, due to all of what you 'know' and have experienced, and are dealing with now.

I try to remember 'fear'= Fictitious Evidence Appearing Real'. Ask yourself what 'specifically' do you fear? (What do you 'fear' could be the outcome, and what evidence supports that, and go from there).

Just make sure to keep yourself in a position of safety. There are safe places and safe people. :hug:

 

[franciemarnie]

I know what you mean about hesitation to trust your instinct or gut feeling and not being sure you are having one or have any.

For sure we have gut instincts. It is really a journey to rediscover them now. PTSD with its dissociation helps disconnect us from our feelings and picking up vibes of unsafe environments and people. Mindful meditation has helped me because I do body scans - feeling sensation in my body from head to toe while lying down. I practice focusing on non-judgmentally feeling and it seems to be connecting all of me - my head to my body whereas before my head was not connected to anything below the neck. I literally need to feel my gut.

I always vote to err on the side of caution in making decisions now. I live and learn re: connecting feelings to who I am with. It for sure takes time to know what's an important gut instinct or real intuition or a fear based on the past.

If you go, just please be safe. You will know if you go if your premonition was correct. It may be that nothing bad will happen but perhaps your insides suspect a potential for triggering. Sometimes we have to choose between the lesser of two evils - be alone for those days or ...I don't know.

 

[mytai]

@franciemarnie It's true that sometimes we have to choose the lesser of two evils. Being alone is something I do to avoid people and connecting. So I know I shouldn't avoid going to my family's Christmas. I guess I will find out in a week or so if it was a gut feeling or just fear. However I won't put myself in harms way intentionally.

 

[rainy_daze]

'fear'= Fictitious Evidence Appearing Real'

I like this Junebug, I've quoted it on my status. I hope that's okay with you.

I think we're all in agreement that as long as you keep yourself safe @mytai then you can hopefully enjoy Christmas with your family. I commend you for learning ways you can keep yourself safe in therapy, especially given that this situation is still so fresh for you (with him contacting you a couple of months ago).

I do plan on following what my T has said to do. I don't want to actively put myself in harms way

As for a safety plan I think that is what my T is planning on doing next week

I think once you have a clear plan that you've spoken about in therapy going there for Christmas will be more manageable. You'll have a toolkit to handle anything which may, or may not, arise. Best of luck to you :).

 

[Tinyflame]

Dear @rainy_daze , of course, I needed that reminder. Always so much fear the worst will happen (since the worst at other times has happened). And so low on reserves to begin with. Thanks. :hug:

I love your avatar, thank you. :)

Mytai I agree. And you're not alone with this. :hug:

 

[Higgins]

Hey. So I have this sinking thing happen, but it happens randomly. It happens when confronted by a trigger, yes, and I think that is normal. It's the random sinks that bother me because I don't know where they're coming from. I will be fine and suddenly, it's like my heart drops, and I am suddenly confronted with images of what happened. I don't have any better words for it.

 

[Tinyflame]

Yes very much the same for me @Higgins , you describe it well.

 

[Higgins]

Yes very much the same for me @Higgins , you describe it well.

Thanks. I'm sorry you have it happen too.