Sinking Feeling

[mytai]

Not sure where exactly this belongs. Hopefully I posted in the right section.

Does anyone else ever get a sinking feeling that something bad is going to happen to you? This probably makes me sound completely crazy that I feel that way. I just can't get rid of the feeling that something is going to happen to me soon. Maybe I'm just paranoid because I'm going back to the area where my abuser is. Am I crazy? Am I paranoid?

Those who have read my post in my trauma diary about the holidays know that my T and I have already had a discussion about how I will stay safe by not leaving the house on my own. That way I don't put myself at risk of getting hurt again. But I still can't shake the feeling. It's making me very uneasy. I also feel completely ridiculous for feeling this way. I can't sleep through the night, I feel sick from it.

Does anyone ever feel like this? Is it completely ridiculous to feel this way?

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Dare I say feeling unsafe is a primary "symptom" of PTSD?

 

[Mommyof5]

I feel this way EVERY day. I made a huge mistake by continuing to live in the same town as my abusers. I furthered this terrible mistake nearly 4 years ago when I convinced my husband that the best choice for our family was to rent-to-own my childhood home from my parents.

Would have been fine, but I failed to weigh in the FACT that 'my molesters' parents live directly next door, and that I would have to deal with seeing him/him seeing me & my kids/knowing where I am.

I thought I could be strong.

Well, I've come to realize that while strength is one thing that I do have much of, Super-Human powers are not part of my phisiological inventory; I may have been dealing, but honestly, far too many times has that sick face caused me emotional relapse.

After much thought, we have decided to re-locate 2 states (751 miles) away... and I am devoting myself to never looking back... I am looking forward to NOT looking behind.

Personally, after living through this every day, my advice for you would be to have family come visit you, instead of putting yourself in a Triggering and unsafe situation. But, I do commend your courage and strength if you do choose to go.

I hope that helps...

 

[rainy_daze]

Yes, I feel like this sometimes, although I also feel like the something bad will happen to people that I care about, rather than myself. I think (for myself) it's linked to a sense of dread, like I'm under threat or need to stay alert and be cautious of anyone I don't know, and other times it's the fear that something awful will happen again (for me, that's a death of someone I know in a traumatic way, that will come out of the blue). There are other things that trigger this kind of response in me too, but that's a whole long story.

I don't have the sinking feeling all the time, just like I'm not constantly overly aware of my surroundings and/or jumping a couple of foot in the air when I get a fright. I find the sinking feeling is in my chest and then my whole body sort of floods and feels hot/sort of an aching feeling. It's quite hard to articulate. It's a very exhausting and unpleasant feeling.

I think it's something to work on (there are definitely other threads or posts about learning to feel safe so maybe you will find it helpful to search; it would be good if you felt more rested when at home as the more sleep you manage to get the better). Maybe sinking is a manifestation of hyper vigilance? Or part of a stress response? I think your sinking feeling sounds like panic mytai; I don't think you're crazy or it's a ridiculous feeling to have at all, and it's great for healing that you're talking about it, in my opinion.

Thank you for sharing this. I hope you manage to rest/sleep better soon.

(Edit: Some people find going back to areas of trauma and awful experience and avoid it like the plague. I live in the area where all my trauma happened. I know if I moved away, I would still have this as an illness, your past doesn't magically disappear. I would be kidding myself to think differently, although I'm all for the idea of one day being somewhere new when my circumstances change.

I think avoidance behaviour is in play when you're considering avoiding doing something for the potential fear a trauma will happen again or that you won't cope. I "bump" into the person who abused me sometimes (more like he tries to threaten me with staring), and I just have to deal with it. It isn't easy, but I survive. I also bump into lots of things that remind me of awful times; I think that's part of PTSD. As long as you are safe when you go back to the area, and it sounds like you will have the support of someone with you, then you will survive mytai. I wish you all the best and hope my post comes across ok, it's just my honest opinion in the here and now.)

 

[franciemarnie]

Must you go? What if you trusted your instinct not to go? Just this time, not forever.

You will not always have this unsafe feeling, so don't go to prove something. You've probably proved your strength a thousand times.

Personally, I wouldn't go. I would trust my instinct. No one may hurt you if you go but perhaps the Universe is giving you a message that it would be best to stay home for reasons you can't fathom at present.

Know that it is an option. We didn't always have options. We do now.

 

[macca]

You're not crazy, and you're not paranoid. I'm wondering if maybe you should trust your gut feel on this one - I'm remembering another thread where he was still trying to contact you only recently. There's a reason you don't feel safe, alongside the "not safe" feelings that PTSD entails. If you must go, then try to make sure you have a safety plan in place.

We didn't always have options. We do now.

Great point! I could like that a thousand times over!

 

[JustBe]

I feel that sinking feeling of impending disaster every time I walk out my door. I would never leave home if not for my Service Dog. She has my back.

 

[Barconian]

Those who have read my post in my trauma diary about the holidays know that my T and I have already had a discussion about how I will stay safe by not leaving the house on my own. That way I don't put myself at risk of getting hurt again. But I still can't shake the feeling. It's making me very uneasy. I also feel completely ridiculous for feeling this way. I can't sleep through the night, I feel sick from it.

Keep pushing yourself Mytai... The sickness will get less as you keep going :)

 

[The Albatross]

I worked out most of my agoraphobic tendency and now that feeling of danger/doom doesn't affect my day to day life much. I did it by goal/challenges and kept it up until I had by repetition created enough new experiences to normalize being out and about with little difficulty.

But my long range view is still a bit dimmer than I would like. The best I can muster is trying to mind bend the idea that it's up to me to mind bend the losses that come with mature age and get myself the better outcomes. I am not as successful as I'd like to be in this area.

I try to be pragmatic about it and sit with the idea that "something bad is going to happen to me"... because rationally something will. But I try not to let that intrude on my present, try to use the thought as a catalyst for change with respect for lifestyle decisions/habits/behaviors, and try to acknowledge that adversity is the great leveler - Every life will have adversity/pitfalls/potentially tragic situations. I try now to see them as opportunities for self improvement, sort of like becoming skilled and proficient at running an obstacle course.

 

[mytai]

Personally, after living through this every day, my advice for you would be to have family come visit you, instead of putting yourself in a Triggering and unsafe situation. But, I do commend your courage and strength if you do choose to go.

I wish I could have everyone visit me, however that is not something that can happen. The entire family goes to my grandparents house for Christmas, actually both sides of the family live in that general area. So that's over 40 people. If I choose not to go then I won't see my family that I do like (there is just one member that is a problem for everyone). So I will be going, otherwise I stay locked up in my apartment alone.

Maybe sinking is a manifestation of hyper vigilance? Or part of a stress response?

Honestly I really don't know, I don't feel this way too often, to this extent anyways.

I think avoidance behaviour is in play when you're considering avoiding doing something for the potential fear a trauma will happen again or that you won't cope. I "bump" into the person who abused me sometimes (more like he tries to threaten me with staring), and I just have to deal with it.

I won't avoid going, but I do plan on following what my T has said to do. I don't want to actively put myself in harms way. The problem with bumping into him is that he was still abusing me up until October of this year. Granted I did make a deal with him that he would stop now, obviously my T doesn't trust that deal - I however need to trust that deal or I would live in constant fear.

Must you go? What if you trusted your instinct not to go? Just this time, not forever.

No I don't have to go, but if I want to see my extended family and parents and sister I do. I live 2.5 hours away from my parents, and just over 1 hour from my grandparents. So I don't see them very often. Trusting my instincts is hard because I really don't have any. In the past, especially recently I never got a feeling something bad was going to happen before my abuser came. So this is new to me. I don't trust my feelings.

Know that it is an option. We didn't always have options. We do now.

I like this. I'm going to make sure to write it down as a constant reminder to myself.

I'm wondering if maybe you should trust your gut feel on this one - I'm remembering another thread where he was still trying to contact you only recently. There's a reason you don't feel safe, alongside the "not safe" feelings that PTSD entails. If you must go, then try to make sure you have a safety plan in place.

This is the first time I've had a "gut feeling" so I don't know if I can trust it. Yes he was still contacting me recently a little less than 2 months ago, during that last contact with him he made a deal that he wouldn't bother me anymore - I need to believe that or I would crumble. As for a safety plan I think that is what my T is planning on doing next week during our last session before Christmas.

 

[RussH]

I agree with several of the other post. I think that your feeling of something bad is going to happen relates to the fact you are going into unsafe territory. it is normal to become hyper vigilant when going into a danger zone. So these feelings of doom may be retlated to you preparing for a threat.

I hope all goes well with your visit.

 

[Tinyflame]

Mytai, going is exposure therapy and thus very good, a challenge but it will be an accomplishment! :hug: :tup:

I agree the feeling (in general) is from the anxiety and facing it, also I find lack of sleep or not eating leaves me with less (no) strength to deal more effectively with it.

I agree with rainy_daze post. I somewhat sort of live in that fear for others below the surface (it used to be a huge fear though I didn't exactly realize it) because they always died with little or no warning. And (also) news of car accidents and such.

However, 'gut instinct' is also different. (As Franciemarnie said, there will also always be other 'opportunities' to face exposure). Once I followed my gut instinct and likely saved my life (the spot I would have been standing on blew up). I knew I would feel very nervous but it was a different feeling. It also wasn't a danger I would have thought of occurring.

Best wishes. :hug: