Relationship So Be It

[harmony of love]

As I have shared my love saga, the support has been tremendous. The last week and half has been amazing with my sufferer. Calling me countless times a day, making dinner for me, catering to me and showing up. Sadly this has ended abruptly.

Last night our intimacy was filled with frustration. The emotional blocking presents difficulty/an obstacle for my stimulation, and it was only until last night that I comprehended. It was also with your influence that sprouted me to speak up, instead of just turning over and accepting the pain. I shed my heart and he did not shun me or leave. I thought we were progressing. Later in the afternoon, I wrote him with more clarity and expression of my pain. I let it all out.

His response was a complete shock. I am truly distraught and stunned. He professed his love for me and said that he is going to sacrifice that for his child. You see, he has a 10 month old baby from his ex, they broke up and right after she said she was pregnant. She caused him a lot of grief and he would share horrible stories of her nature. He wrote that she is going to move to him and they shall be. Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and Friday is my 30th birthday. What pain I have in my heart. We spoke of marriage and starting a family together.

I can barely think, his letter was so long and filled with so much emotion. The most I have seen in a long time. I did not even want to respond, but then I forced myself to do so, in order to show him that I read it. All I said was "understood" nothing more or less. Please help, I have never felt such heartbreak and confusion at the same time. Thank you for reading my torn apart life. I will love you always my warrior.

 

[Nicolette]

Oh dear Harmony Of Love. I am so sorry. I can only imagine your heartbreak. Unfortunately it does take more than love for a relationship to work and life is complex and complicated sometimes. It seems you are both heartbroken in different ways.

Personally I don't believe in staying in an unhealthy relationship for a child but it is not for others to judge or decide what is right for another.

I wish you the strength to get through this, a fabulous birthday and the knowledge that there is someone really special out there for you and each heartbreak brings you closer to the right person. Life is a journey and people come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. I hope the person for your lifetime is not too far away. :Hug_emoticon::Hug_emoticon:

 

[ISupportHer]

I too am so sorry to hear of the pain and loss you are feeling. I do not know what might happen but am glad you could share with us here.

I know the next days will be hard but I do, so much, wish you a Happy Thanksgiving. You may not feel like giving thanks but I am betting that, if you look hard, there will be something you can give thanks for today and maybe draw strength from that to get you through today.

And, of course, Happy Birthday!

ISH

 

[CCurry]

Hi,

Just wanted to say I'm also very sorry, it must be an incredibly painful and confusing time for you.

I hope that you get past all this hurt, take one day at time. Try to have a Happy Birthday!

C.

 

[Grainne]

Oh no. I have followed your struggle with your sufferer since your first post (forgive me for not leaving any comments, I had nothing of value to offer but concern for your wellbeing, which I'll share here).

You have done so much for this man and you clearly care for him deeply. If he chooses to go back to a bad relationship, he will likely only end up making everyone miserable, his child included. Such a sad thing for all involved.

I'm so sorry for the pain you are feeling. I wish you a speedy recovery and hope that the man who will make YOU happy forever and ever is just around the corner. xo

Grainne

 

[Frankie]

Hi harmony,

I am so sorry that you are going through this. I feel your hurt and frustration. From a wonderful week and half where you thought things would get better...to the blow you received, I certainly can understand your hearbreak :Hug_emoticon: You gave him your all, now is time to think of you !

Staying with someone "only" for the kids is never a good idea....but this is what he has chosen, as hard as it is...you have to accept his decision.

From what you say, I feel he is a confused man, however, having said this, I suggest that if he does want to keep contact with you while is he with his ex, be strong and don't give in, it can create a pattern that will be very hard to undo. He has made his choice, now you have to move on.

Take care of you Harmony.....it will get better for you...there are good men out there that will certainly make you happy.

Be thankful of what you DO have and Happy Birthday for tomorrow :Hug_emoticon:

Frankie

 

[bonnecanyon]

Hi Harmony

I too have chatted with you about the ups and downs in this relationship - you have been so loving and strong for this man - I am truly sorry to hear this.

The pain you are suffering today will ease and you will get thru this, but right now please take special care of yourself - and don't be too hard on yourself.

Sending love and support to you,
BC

 

[Estelle]

Harmony: I have followed this story about you and your bf from the beginning, and I had a sick feeling in my stomach that it might turn out this way. Right now you have to concentrate on YOU and your healing. My heart is breaking for you, especially because of the way your bf is behaving despite his expression of love for you. It has to be devastating.

I wish you the best as you start facing another direction and hope you will continue to let us know how you are as you cope with this latest turnaround. He has chosen his path -- wisely choose yours.

EE

 

[Nicky31]

:Hug_emoticon:Harmony

I am very sorry to hear the latest news. You have done a marvellous job on here at trying to understand PTSD and support your partner. I'm sorry that for your partner this was not enough.

As others have said, love isn't always enough in a relationship and if he has other things on his mind and other feeings of responsibility and so on, it's difficult for us to grasp how he might behave and the choices he feels he has to make.

This is such a shock to you. I know that things have been tough, but this decision is very surprising.

Please look after yourself for your birthday today. You deserve it.

Nicky

 

[Pam]

Close the door softly whenever you are ready, and then lock it and throw away the spare key. The spare key is the one you might want to give back to him. The original key is for you to eventually open that door again and digest its history and patterns so that you can benefit from its lessons. Eventually you will be able to throw away your own key.

 

[amethist]

I am so sorry to read this, and can feel you heart crying out with all this.

As Pam said close the door softly, with the knowledge that you did all you could.

The time now is for you to reflect on how well you did. Then walk into the sunlight with your head up knowing that every new day brings something for us to cherish, even if it is memories of good times past.

Take time to take care of you now and have the best birthday ever.

Amethist

 

[harmony of love]

Thank you all so much for responding and caring for my heart. It has been, geez I even find myself at a loss for words to describe this horror show. Yesterday was rough when it came down to midnight and no longer my birthday, realizing that he did not even wish me a happy day through email. It was gut wrenching and sickly helpful for it afforded a quick tap of he is not in a place to love me as I so wish.

His mother and I are close. I called her in desperation, especially because she just got divorced. Actually, our relationship was almost founded upon me helping her with self-love and describing my only break up...well now my first break up. The major difference was, that was not adult love. As for my warrior he and I were the real deal. Now I found myself even closer with her, because my wounds were so sore and fresh. We went to a video/activities center. It was a blast, truly boosted my spirits. In addition to showing how easy it is to engulf yourself in a video game and not think about what your trying NOT to think about. Intermittently, he would sprout into my thoughts, but the distractions were a lot stronger.

She told me how the night he wrote/broke up with me, he told her everything. She said, you are going to be miserable, that you have a good woman that loves you, and that she is hurting real bad right now. He said, that he loves me and cares about me a lot, but has to do this for his son. In fact, stressed that his motivation stems from something his mother said. She raised her children all by herself and asserted that they break this cycle of fatherless generations. Since her grandmother there has not been a father in the family. He said, mom what did you always say...she felt bad and tried to say, but she is not the one for you, your personalities do not match. He did not say anything about them working out or anything about their relationship, only that he has to TRY for his son.

My heart is in such limbo. I am trying to be strong and create visions as to how this is a blessing. All to turn around and feel that I just want him back. I try not to think of what it will be like, as this woman should be coming in a few months. I am happy and sad that he has not contacted me. It shows conviction to his new choice by not trying to keep me on the back burner. It brings me pain knowing that he is moved on.

I have not contacted him at all. However, before I leave for NY (dec 10th for major dental work) I will give his christmas presents. I do not intend on seeing him to do so. In fact, if you can recall the story of that day I bought him a card, while unknowingly his friends were checking me out and then we were head to head in our cars...well that card was supposed to be given to him before I left. Only now I am just going to write on the envelope how it came to be that I bought this card and I will not fill out the card itself. It would just be too hard. Plus, similar to the gifts I want him to have them because I bought them for him, but I just cant wrap my heart around sharing more sentiment with someone who has chosen to leave me.

I would love some more advice, help, or support of any kind. I keep checking all the time on how to get over a break up. At least my own no contact rule (influenced by you) was and is right on the money for healing.

Aloha