So Different!!!

[Notsowild]

How do you deal with being so different than everyone else? I don't fit in anywhere. I'll never be yuck( normal ). I feel so odd and abnormal. No amount of therapy is going to make me fit in this world. I have had too much trauma especially childhood to ever recover completely. I'm very lonely but I know no one would want to have me. I even feel my family thinks I'm too strange. Sometimes I can feel them slipping away. Someday I'll be all alone which might be best for me. Life's not fair. What did I do to deserve all this? Not a pity party just want to know how people deal with this.

 

[Glara]

This is what my sufferer tells me. I want him. I'm not sure if he wants me. He says he feels safer alone. I'm still waiting for him, I hope he comes out of his depression and comes back. I know the more time that passes the more likely I'll be to move on. I'll never forget him. I've been crazy about him for 30 years. Back in our 20s he went a year with no contact. And then showed up at my doorstep. I doubt we will ever have future unless with enough therapy he's able to reach out to me....but I always want him.

 

[Nam]

I've thought this many times. I grew up in a family that was so different than I. But here I am, will a family of my own. And you know what? We are very different. Sure, it's nice to know that you're not a lone in your strangeness (and you are so not alone!), but in reality, it's easier to have a relationship with someone quite a bit different than you. It keeps things interesting. Saying that no one will want to have you is pretty definitive. The part about being in a relationship is that it hurts to try. It hurts to get rejected. It hurts to open up. It just hurts! But eventually, if things go well, it'll even out with joys in there too. Just make sure that you are not "protecting" yourself from relationships by saying you don't belong anywhere or with anyone.

 

[ghotiff]

How do you deal with being so different than everyone else?

I think embracing it helps. Yes, I'm different and the percentage of people who will like my different-ness is very small...but by embracing my different-ness I weed out the people who won't like me much faster, which makes it more likely to find the people that will.

 

[Javagoat]

I've struggling a lot with feeling abnormal and permanently damaged from childhood abuse. Getting close to people, especially romantically, is really scary. I've been with my wife for 12yrs and I've repeatedly felt that being alone would be easier. My wife is also a childhood trauma survivor which it good because we can relate but we both struggle with intimacy and learning how to have a health relationship when our role models growing up were awful. After 5yrs of therapy it is getting better. I know I will never be "well" but hopefully I will find a way to accept myself and keeping striving to make things just a little bit better. Don't give up.

 

[sun seeker]

1. I dissociate. Taking in what it really means to be so different and damaged is too big to do all at once.
2. I find those few people who get it and don't judge, and nurture those connections all I can.
3. I cry a lot. We're being honest here right?

This is what my sufferer tells me. I want him. I'm not sure if he wants me. He says he feels safer alone.

@Glara, has he had other people reject or give up on him because his pain got to be too much for them? Not knowing him or much about his situation I can only guess, but this has happened to me, and once with someone I was very close to and who promised he would never do that, and it's made it almost impossible to imagine trusting anyone on that level again. It could be his need to be alone isn't about you at all.

 

[Glara]

@sun seeker He never told me that, but I'm sure it's what happened. When I first met him I was 19, (we are in our 50s now) he had a girlfriend. She cheated on him. I started seeing him the following summer. It was on and off for about 2 yrs, he lived 3 hrs away and had no car. I'm sure he had ptsd back then as well.

When we first reconnected through Facebook 8 years ago we were both married. He and his wife split about 3 years ago. What he told me was they has nothing in common. He said she was very smart has a masters and likes the ballet. Her Dad was somebody very important at a very cultural entity in NYC.

Once I found out about his ptsd, I just assumed that was the real reason they split. He's very smart himself, but grew up poor and had a troubled childhood. He told me he couldn't understand how kids today aspire to be "ghetto" when he was embarrassed to grow up that way. I think he wanted to be with someone he thought was better. I also believe she's probably a very good person but it just got to be too much for her. I don't really know, it's all speculation. I do know that he used to have all couple pics of themselves on his Facebook page until they split.

I dont know what her life was like growing up, but I know what mine was. It was troubled as well. I don't have ptsd, but I have periods of depression etc. I can understand that side of him. I don't know what it would be like to actually live with him. I'm sure it was very difficult for her, especially if she grew up in a more stable home. He and I couldn't live together at this point anyway. I live in another state.

I'm sure his need to be alone has multiple layers. I can accept the things he thinks are abnormal. I grew up like that myself. However the time we would have together would be very limited as we are long distance. We both have good jobs where we are. I don't know if that helps or hurts.

 

[Deleted member 28403]

I know how you feel and my heart goes out to you on this. I never really fit in anywhere, if ever I was accepted, it was not for who I was, but who I managed to act, and that never could last long due to stress.

Well, I can't really give advice on fitting in, I mean, what advice can someone who leaves the house almost only for school give. All I can do is empathyse with you, being a similar person, the third in a pair, odd one out and so on.

Sending virtual hugs if you accept them :hug:

 

[Notsowild]

This is what my sufferer tells me. I want him. I'm not sure if he wants me. He says he feels safer alone.

Thanks @Glara... I've never really thought about a supporters point of view. I feel why subject someone to my strangeness. Relationships take alot of work and its hard when I have so much going on in my life. Really who would want someone with so much mental baggage.

Just make sure that you are not "protecting" yourself from relationships by saying you don't belong anywhere or with anyone.

Thanks @Nam... I thought I was protecting the other person from me. I mean really who would want a relationship with quirky PTSD brain person like me. I don't even make friends now let alone lovers. But thanks for response. It's nice to know I'm not alone in my oddness.

I think embracing it helps. Yes, I'm different and the percentage of people who will like my different-ness is very small...but by embracing my different-ness I weed out the people who won't like me much faster, which makes it more likely to find the people that will.

How is that working for you? I haven't found anyone who accepts me like I am. I find myself pretending I'm like them but that doesn't last long. Soon my PTSD symptoms take over and everyone runs the other way. Even talking about it leaves them with this puzzled look and they can't wait to get away from me.

 

[Glara]

This is a very interesting thread. First, so many of the things I see people post are things that lots of people feel that dont have ptsd. I don't have it, but I feel like I'm different all the time. And so do many of my friends. True, I came from a dysfunctional home, but really what is "normal"?

As my daughter grew and I got a glimpse of other families as an adult, I realized how many were messed up. Not always trauma related, but still not the Brady Bunch. I guess what I'm saying is we all have baggage. And many of us feel like we don't belong.

As for how I feel about my sufferer's issues, I can't really explain it. It started with attraction. As he changed and told me why he changed, I couldn't let go of what I knew him to be before. I hope some of that comes back. I also think a lot of that is what made him who he was when we started. I see the life he came from and what he's become and I admire that. I see how smart he is, and how much he cares. So, while the mental issues can feel overwhelming, particularly the suicidal issues, I still hope he can find a way to reach out to me.

 

[Notsowild]

I've struggling a lot with feeling abnormal and permanently damaged from childhood abuse. Getting close to people, especially romantically, is really scary. I know I will never be "well" but hopefully I will find a way to accept myself and keeping striving to make things just a little bit better. Don't give up.

Thanks @Javagoat.... I believe I'm permanently damaged from child abuse. It must be better to have a partner who understands all your struggles? Yes? Being alone is not fun but subjecting someone to my quirkiness would be cruel and unusual punishment lol.
Did you find 5 years of therapy helped at all?

1. I dissociate. Taking in what it really means to be so different and damaged is too big to do all at once.
2. I find those few people who get it and don't judge, and nurture those connections all I can.
3. I cry a lot. We're being honest here right?.

Thanks @sun seeker.... I've dissociated for years without really realizing I was doing it. It's great when you don't want to deal with so much pain. But... I'm trying to live in the real world. It's not going so well. I'd rather just go hide inside my mind then deal with life. Nobody really cares if I'm here or not anyways. Really what good am I?

 

[Notsowild]

@Glara...so true. Who is so normal nowadays. They must be able to hide their problems better than us with PTSD. Why does everyone avoid or ignore my illness? Are we that stranger than anyone else? I try to play the normal role but I'm not too good at it. I'm just the odd ball to everyone around me. It's a lonely place.