So Frustrated

[Ezagu]

I'm a supporter.

My sufferer has a two year case of combat PTSD, with minimal professional help. It has become apparent, to me at least, that he has been having trauma related symptoms, if not actual PTSD, since childhood. He was physically, verbally and emotionally abused by his mother, and since then by women he has had relationships with.

Our relationship has lacked any kind of abuse.

I always thought we were happy and that he loved me.

He now says that that was faked.

He left me for some woman he got pregnant who is also abusive. He still constantly tells me all about his problems and his life.

I know my sufferer. I'm not buying the faked love line. I think he is trying to do what he always has in life and start over where he has failed rather than fix what he broke. It's not working, though, because he still needs the emotional support of someone (me) that he trusts.

I love my sufferer.

I want to do what is best for him, and also minimally hurtful for me.

I'm really frustrated because based on the various advice and counselling I have received, what I "should" do seems to change with every new bit of information.

I want to at least be consistent.

Maybe I should just stop answering him for a while until I get myself together better.......

 

[Awo]

I don't think there's what you "should" do, there are no guidelines for this and it depends on you as an individual. There's only what feels best for you in a horrible situation.

People see things and react differently. If you've received different advice, then your reactions to the various suggestions will probably tell you the most. If you felt something was off the mark, it probably is. If you felt something was painful but couldn't exactly disagree with it, maybe that's your instinct telling you something.

I'm really sorry for what you're going through.

 

[Ruha]

He could be re enacting and that he feels that is all he deserves.

I think a starting point is to check how you are and what you need right now. If it is to break contact entirely then that is what you need to do. After you feel better then the next step may be clearer to you.

 

[Zepat]

I have felt from the start that he is. Is there any way to change his mind? To tell him that he deserves respect and love?

I can't stand to see him suffer, but I can't let him treat me as disposable either, whatever his own problems are.

 

[Umasav]

I think the only way to do so is through therapy. The compulsion to re enact can be very strong. Actually seeing that is what is happening is a first step.

You could strongly state all that and then leave him be and try to help yourself.

You are right and accepting being treated badly is not good for either of you actually.