Supporter So Frustrating

[MB810]

My husband and I have been married for two years. Since marrying he has become so miserable, he doesn't like my condo, hates it actually. He trashes my home cause he hates it, wants a house but we can't afford to move right now. His cats vomit on the rugs and he just leaves a stain on the rug, he leaves messes all over and blames me that I'm a mess. He tries to tell me what to do with my money that I earn, not to give to my son. I try to be patient I know he is struggling, but he won't go to counseling, he just sits all day everyday, eats watches tv and complains. I work two jobs, have lyme disease and have breast cancer(but doing good). I try to tell him to make the best of what we have right now but he hates condo living. He had a nice house but sold it to move here. I just don't know what to do, he is so down all the time, I won't stay down in the living room because its a mess. I'm tired of cleaning up, picking up and a little while later another mess is there. How do I handle him ? I am really trying not to get mad, I talk patiently, I want to be supportive, but anything I suggest he says no too. Unless I do exactly what he wants I'm the bad person. I won't give up seeing my son and family. I don't care how mad he gets, he has no family. His sister and her children stopped talking to him a few years back. I love my husband he is a good man, he just doesn't do anything to help himself. Any suggestions????? Need suggestions??? AM I expecting too much from my husband?

 

[AngelKeeperJ]

Welcome, MB810!
I'm sorry I don't have any specific advice, other than that YOU may need a therapist so that YOU can have some personal support!

This is a GREAT place to come to get support, compassion, empathy and friendly acceptance!

There are NO easy answers..,not even close! I wish there were! I DON'T think you are expecting too much from him! Surely, on some level he MUST realize that he is "boxing you in", with no room to breathe? I hope that makes since.

Definitely, you would NEVER stop being involved with your son or family! You need all the support you can get!

I would imagine that it's hard to not want to make some ultimatums, like insisting he go to counseling. Does he think he will just wake up "ok" one day? Does he accept that he has PTSD?

I am curious...if you don't mind me asking a question, or two....how long did you know one another before you got married? Do you have good memories to reflect back on?
Did you know him before he developed PTSD?

I DO hope that coming here, reading, and sharing, will help! You can be sure that it is a safe place to find resources, and find others in similar situations!

Blessings and Hugs sent your way, if acceptable.:hug::hug:
AKJ

 

[EveHarrington]

Welcome to the forum. :hug:

Can you gently encourage him to seek out help?

 

[void]

@MB810 :happy::hug:

Do you have a husband and a true partner or a child-like dependent?

A harsh question to be sure, but your situation is very bad and so isn't time to ask the hard questions?

I know you love him, but as an uninvolved viewer it sounds like he does nothing and you do everything.

If he disrespects you and your home, makes messes and damages things, and you work 2 jobs to pay for his life....what do you get out of this relationship??

I feel very sad that you are in this painful situation.:(

It is ok to change your mind about him...after all he changed when you got married.

Marriage is give and take....you give and he takes...is that fair??

 

[BuckarooBanzai]

I agree with Void.

This is not a marriage. This is a man who has set himself up as an adult dependent; you do everything, he does nothing.

You deserve better than this!

Please get into therapy. You need support.

Ben

 

[Iwantout]

Well, I just don't know what to say.. I know things are tough for him but isn't it the same for many of us on here? I'm so sorry for you, having your own health to fight for.. There is a saying about refusing to help with another's problems if it means tearing yourself to pieces.. Please, take care of you.. It's time to realise that you are having a tough time too, he needs to look after you as you have cared for him.. I don't expect for a minute, you're bouncing around all happy go lucky..
He needs an ultimatum now, get serious help or get out.. I can't see any other way that you are going to get much further in this marriage in one piece.. I feel for him too. I understand that he is suffering but for him, there is a light at the end of the tunnel if he chooses to see it.. For you? There is also some light, it's just going to take some strength to get to it..
Take great care and I wish you well..