So, how should I feel realizing at 62 my parents, whom I loved, did a terrible job?

David1959

Confident
Sending you lots of support.
Much appreciated, while I am progressing I am also feeling great sorrow facing the fact that I have blamed myself all my life for not speaking up, not when I was abused, not when I chose to be a horrible student, not when I fell into serious drug use. I never questions , never spoke up and made extremly damaging decisions in my life without the knowledge of how or any guidance.
 

Sideways

Sponsor
not when I was abused, not when I chose to be a horrible student, not when I fell into serious drug use
We don't though, yeah? The overwhelming majority of us? These are things that we feel shame about at the time.

Perhaps try some forgiveness to yourself, for being incredibly human in the way you coped.
I am also feeling great sorrow facing the fact that I have blamed myself all my life for not speaking up
When the grief has washed over, there's space for pride as well. Because you have found a way to have a voice.

There's no time limit on finding our voice, speaking out. Which is what you've found a way to do, here, in a way that feels safe.

And that's a huge achievement. That's you doing it differently now, now that you have all that life experience to help you make decisions for yourself. No time limit on personal growth, or healing, yeah? So you're doing good by yourself, by your own standards, even though it doesn't feel that way right now.
 

DharmaGirl

MyPTSD Pro
As a child who basically raised themselves in many ways I would never, never, never allow my children to have gone through what I did.
But back when you were being raised, a lot was different. I asked for help back then (I'm a year younger than you) and I was told that didn't happen in nice families. Many, many children don't have the kind of support you speak of, and didn't then. We were sent outside to play in the am, be home for lunch and dinner. That wasn't neglect, that was the norm. I'm exploring this kind of thing myself, so if it doesn't apply to you, ignore it, I find it true for me.
 
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