UnkleKrappy
New Here
Hi all. I am a 45 year old man from PA. I have been medicated for bi-polar since the early nineties, but I never understood why other bipolar people didn't share my stories. Here's my story. I have always been the "fat" kid. Peer abuse never ended, and my father and sisters reinforced all of it. Hypersexuality is a problem I've dealt with since 8th grade, and went all through high school and college without even a date. Met my wife, and I thought I was doing better. I kept my chin up through 97 days in NICU waiting for my son to not make (he did), my wife's MS diagnosis, myleft leg amputation due to cancer...I just kept plugging on. I finally found a woman who appreciated me (not easy when you're a piece of trash). And everything was great for 17 years. She died last year on the day after my birthday.
After that, I realized I was not in any way healthy...I started therapy again, and I was told I have C-PTSD. I believe that I will spend the rest of my life alone because I live in the middle of nowhere. It's really easy to ignore the guy trying to talk to you if you never have to meet him. I've written to 123 women on match. One wrote back set up a date for a month later...she canceled on the day of because she "met someone earlier in the week". At this point I'm not sure which of my HIGHLY desirable traits sends them running...is it being wheelchair bound? Is it being bald? Is it being fat? which chice should I pick today...it all adds up to one word. Undesirable.
Therefore, I have no motivation. My house is a wreck. I don't take care of myself. I don't attend to my hygiene. I'm just waiting to die at this point. I'm not suicidal. I've beat life so far, I'm not giving up now. I just have nothing to look forward to. So...I'm doing therapy, and I feeI a bit better just knowing I'm working on it, but I still have no hope for the future.
I know a lot of others feel the same disgust for themselves that I do...If you do, I'm sorry for your pain, and I hope together we can find our paths.
After that, I realized I was not in any way healthy...I started therapy again, and I was told I have C-PTSD. I believe that I will spend the rest of my life alone because I live in the middle of nowhere. It's really easy to ignore the guy trying to talk to you if you never have to meet him. I've written to 123 women on match. One wrote back set up a date for a month later...she canceled on the day of because she "met someone earlier in the week". At this point I'm not sure which of my HIGHLY desirable traits sends them running...is it being wheelchair bound? Is it being bald? Is it being fat? which chice should I pick today...it all adds up to one word. Undesirable.
Therefore, I have no motivation. My house is a wreck. I don't take care of myself. I don't attend to my hygiene. I'm just waiting to die at this point. I'm not suicidal. I've beat life so far, I'm not giving up now. I just have nothing to look forward to. So...I'm doing therapy, and I feeI a bit better just knowing I'm working on it, but I still have no hope for the future.
I know a lot of others feel the same disgust for themselves that I do...If you do, I'm sorry for your pain, and I hope together we can find our paths.
