So Tired Of Making Through The Day And Night.

[glja]

Greetings all

I just signed up and I am going to read and hopefully communicate with you guys on the forum next days and months. Yes I have ptsd and I suffer from it everyday. I was abused and neglected physichally and mentally when I was a kid. Through my teenage years I was sexually abused. Since I was 13 I have had about 10 traumas. I don't want to be exact because then I have to remember them all. I am 24 years old now.

I wake up with my body all tense because I believe the next trauma is on the way. I don't even sleep relaxed. I sleep with my body tense. I am always in defense. I am afraid will make a mistake, not be in control, be ashamed, fail and be totally humiliated. It is really hard for me to have social interactions with people and make friends because I always have this pit in my stomach and I can't trust anybody fully. There is a big side of me that doesn't believe that people want to hang out with me. People do but I push them away. I don't let myself live fully because I am always afraid there is just to much risk to it.

I don't know anyone else who has PTSD. I can't get support from my parents. They don't understand this. I feel so alone.

I am getting really sick of this. I do not live really. My everyday and energy goes into not trying to fall into a trauma and humiliation. I am going to the doctor soon as possiple and get anxiety pills. I have never tried them before but I think I should. I deserve more than feel fear everyday.

I hope I can get to know people here and get some ideas to ease the pain and live with this until I can go to therapy. I am in university so I cannot afford therapy now. It is really expensive.

I don't really have the strenght and courage to try ways to help myself. I don't trust myself and I am always afraid to try something by myself. I am so afraid that it will fail. I have been going to interviews to conselors for three years. It helps. I go to yoga it also really helps. But it only helps me for a little time.

I hope I will get some insight here and ways to help myself.

Thank you for reading.

 

[rightkindofme]

I'm glad you found us. There are many of us here with a laundry list of trauma. We are still alive and kicking so there is always hope, right?

You will have dark days as you process your trauma. I'm not going to lie to you. Have you read any books? The Courage to Heal is one good starting one. There are many others. The Body Remembers or any PTSD specific workbook would have starting suggestions.

Do you ever do yoga? Or exercise? You can watch yoga videos on youtube. Take baths. Anything that helps your body relax is a mitzvah.

Welcome to the forum.

 

[franciemarnie]

Welcome!

There are so many great solutions to PTSD symptoms on here as well as knowledge and support. Taking action is empowering whether thru research or talking about your experience or trying therapy etc.

I have also woken physically tense all my life and often gone thru the day in preparation for assault mode. The fastest way I know of relaxing the body so that it isn't so painfully wired to spring yet still agile and accessible is to work out. Anti - anxiety pills might be in order but remember that underneath - the body is still in a state of apprehension. IMO anyway. Ironically tranqs made me hyper after a brief initial relaxation period. I think my body felt it like a suffocating blanket. But everyone is different and I know how incapacitating anxiety can be. You will find what works for you.

 

[Bees Are Awesome]

Hello and welcome!

I didn't know anyone who had PTSD until I came to the forum. Reading some of the threads here has helped tremendously just knowing that I am not alone in my situation. People here are, for the most part, very caring and supportive. Hopefully you will continue to post as you need to and respond to others posts as well.

I don't know where you are but in my area there are therapists that will take people on a sliding scale, meaning they pay less based on their income and what they can afford. It might be worth checking into in your area to see if there are therapists that do that. Therapy has been a long and difficult process for me but it helps me so much. I hope that you are able to find support from people in your area as well.

 

[DianaRoth]

Hi there.

I have also just joined this site. I have only recently been diagnosed with PTSD after struggling through it for years. Everything you have said is exactly how I feel, I just turned 21 and as much as I'd like to be around friends and talk about it, I can't.

They don't understand, my family doesn't either. I was seeing a councilor for a few weeks, I only spoke about my trauma once, then it became about other things when those thighs weren't the problem. I don't sleep well, sometimes I don't sleep at all, my life isn't the same and I feel alone in all of it, it is really a relief to find that what I am going through, I'm not going through alone.

Keeping my mind busy helps sometimes but it's not enough. I hope that you, as I do, find a way to get through it with support, know that you are not alone.

Welcome

 

[glja]

Thank you all for your comments and advices.

It is so good to feel it when people relate to our proplems. <3 Makes me feel better.

I am gonna check Courage to heal. The name of the book says it all hehe.

 

[Britt.f7]

Courage to heal has a work book to go with it if you are so inclined. I read the book, but never did the workbook. I found it helpful.

This is a great site to be a part of. It has helped me immensely to have the support I have on here. I hope you feel that you get your much needed support at least here.