So Tired, Really And Truly Tired.

[Deleted member 28862]

I honestly don't know what to do anymore, I feel like I'm nearing my end mentally. My 3 bundle of joy (my dogs) were the only thing making my days worth living for and even they're not doing it for me anymore. It's like... with each passing day it's getting harder and harder just to roll over from bed. I'm trying to live a happy life, I'm trying to eat healthier, for 3 years I wanted to become a pescatarian and now I'm finally doing it. I thought hey this would be good, I'm doing something I always wanted but no... I'm falling back into almost never leaving my room, I absolutely hate communication of every kind now. Suicidal thoughts are coming back again, Its becoming apparent that a whole year just ended and I haven't accomplished anything. i know it had to get worse before it gets better... so when exactly does the worse end because it's not getting better. I just pray that I don't resort to cutting again.

 

[Glara]

In so sorry you're going through this. You sound exactly like my sufferer. I wish I could offer something to help.

 

[Queen Boudica]

Are you tired due to depression or tired due to something else? I know depression exhausts you but the mention that you have just changed diet to pescatarian just makes me wonder.

Have you checked your bloods? You could be b12 and or iron deficient and a lot of fish now-a-days have high mercury in them so if you are solely fish eating I would check out that you are eating fish that are low mercury.

I had b12 deficiency because I don't eat a lot of red meat and red meat really is the only good source and I was feeling absolutely exhausted. b12 has also been shown to be important for the brain.

Sorry I don't mean to minimise the depression because I know full well how it can knock you down but little things can make difference.

This time of year is VERY hard on us and I am struggling too, looking back on the year and where I would like to be. But I have to just look at the things that I have managed and not think about the stuff I wanted.

You must try and leave your room even though it is like pulling yourself out of concrete. Those beautiful dogs of yours at least need a walk with you. Focus on them. And just try and notice them and some of the beauty on that walk to take with you.

The exercise will also help, but if you are tired because of deficiency then I know every step I took felt exhausting so it wasn't helping me till I remedied the deficiency

I hope you feel better and have a good therapist to help you. You are not alone at this time of year it is very tough

 

[Deleted member 28862]

@Lizio I know I'm b12 deficient, but for the past year I've been feeling this way, and there are really bad changes in my country and in my everyday life. I tried to change me diet a lot and it never made me feel bad, in fact I felt better it's just I was too lazy and cheap to keep up with it. You didn't minimize it I understand what you're trying to do. I walk my dogs twice everyday and it's still a peaceful experience, if I'm having an anxiety attack I take them walking to the park and stay there until it's over and go back home. I take daily supplements for my b12 deficiency ^_^

The thing with therapy... I'm from the Bahamas and being a "christian nation" they don't really believe in therapy, it's always just pray but from what I learned faith without work id dead so I can't just pray all the time and don't get any help that I need.

 

[Deleted member 28862]

@Glara it's okay really, just knowing that people actually cares helps a lot. Believe me

 

[Queen Boudica]

If you are taking supplements for a year, and you are still deficient then that could imply you are having absorption problems or pernicious anaemia and that could be an underlying cause that you need looked at. I take a high dose of sublingual b12 1000 mg as sublingual is the best way of absorbing it but you may have an underlying problem and an injection of b12 or regular injections.

B12 deficiency is not to be taken lightly it can cause all sorts of problems and strong evidence of depression and Alzheimer's linked to it. It is crucial for the formation of the myelin sheath and nerve development and for haemoglobin and if you are not carrying enough oxygen all your organs are suffering. So I would go back to your GP and ask why you are still deficient. Of course you are exhausted and that will lead to depression.

All of us have tried diets and failed over and over and it is just normal. Not that you are too cheap or lazy. It I.s just human.

That is really good you take your dogs when you are having an anxiety attack. Best way to get out. Well done, you are doing that despite being exhausted.

Are there no therapists at all in the Bahamas? That just sounds crazy. Religion and therapy are not contradictory. That is like saying we just pray and everything comes to us. No we have to put the work in.

 

[Deleted member 28862]

It hasn't been a yeas since I started, it's been about... 3 months now. But that's not the reason I'm tired. About the religion thing, I understand exactly what you said, but there are only physical therapist and not mental ones. If I want therapy I'd have to travel somewhere which is not conventional.

I'm suppose to go back to do another blood test this month, I've been having a lot of M.S symptoms since November. The last time I took a blood test was a while ago, I've always been b12 deficient I just never done anything about it. It all has to stem from trauma in the hospital or doctors office because I was one of the sickly ones in my family, asthma,encopresis, scoliosis, and anemia.

And yeah there are no therapists in the Bahamas, I don't understand it either, people are more concerned about bring VAT to the country rather than aiding the bahamian people in their needs. We only have guidance counselors and that's only for 12 years after school you're on your own

 

[Queen Boudica]

Well you have your answers. You have to put your health first.

You have to get the b12 thing sorted and yes, the b12 deficiency will affect your myelin sheath so Ms symptoms will be there. So I would go and get a blood test and get this sorted. I don't think supplements are going to be the answer if you have suffered for years. Your GP should be giving you an injection and investigating the underlying cause.

I don't know how to suggest about the no therapist thing as that is clearly ridiculous in a country. Do they have psychiatrists? Surely they must. If you have been diagnosed with trauma in childhood then you must be eligible to see a psychiatrist.

I can understand if you have trauma in childhood due to medical treatments that it will be very hard to sort out your medical problems without therapy or someone to help you through this. Do you have a good GP? As I say maybe a psychiatrist. Or counsellor or even a religious pastor or priest who can help you through the medical stuff as it will be tough on your own. Or a friend or family member? I know what it is like I am on my own hers so I would die without my psychologist so I can't imagine what you are going through and I hope there is someone for you to help you.

But it is important you understand that you important and that you are special and that you cannot let yourself deteriorate due to b12 deficiency and it must be seen to now. Years of deficiency is not good. This is why you are getting MS symptoms and this is why you are also exhausted and also adding to depression.

You are strong, you know how to push yourself through panic attacks that takes a strong person. You have to sort out your health. It may just be as simple as a few injections.

 

[Deleted member 28862]

@Lizio
Thank you so much for all this information :D

We do have Psychiatrists and GP's but again they're only on the capital of the Bahamas, if something happens to someone here on Grand Bahama or another island they're airlifted to New Providence. Like I said our government just doesn't have it's proprieties straight and the well-being of the people in mind, it's a very selfish tyranny we have going on down here. As for friends and family members everyone had the exact same mindest, they either look the other way a pretend nothing happened or they tell me to get over it. Both of those things have me where I am now, and when theres a big problem I get really angry when someone just blatantly asks why I didn't talk to them or some B.S.

This is why I'm always looking for supporters online because we don't have suicide hotlines here, when I need them I have to push threw on my own, mental health care in the Bahamas is as important as some silly cartoon being cancelled for the day.

 

[Deleted member 28862]

funny....months later I'm still in this predicament