Social Anxiety Is Controlling My Life :(

[KarlaSTi]

Hey everyone, thanks in advance for taking the time to read this. A little history first: I was mentally, emotionally and physically abused by my dad from ages 6 to 18, with small instances here and there in the last few years, I am 25 now.. Since I can remember, I've had pretty bad social anxiety and never had many friends and was more recently diagnosed with PTSD. I now take 5mg of Abilify and am seeing a therapist weekly. Last year, things were at their worst where I couldn't even go to work or to a grocery store because of my anxiety. I have improved a lot and am in a relationship now, but I can see things are starting to get worse again..

This past weekend, my boyfriends best friend was getting married and my boyfriend was a groomsmen. I didn't know anyone else at the wedding, it was a big wedding with a lot of people. I had to sit alone during the ceremony and tried to follow my boyfriend around when he was needed for pictures. We arrived at the reception hall and there were people laughing and talking loudly everywhere, I could feel my heart start pounding and my hands getting cold and sweaty. I was trying to stick close to my boyfriend but I ended up losing him when he was pulled away for pictures. I was suddenly alone and felt lost and scared and could feel my face turning red and my eyes starting to tear up. I found a secluded spot on the upper level of the lobby. I tried texting my boyfriend to find me but his phone was off. the reception was about to start and I didn't want to go in without him. My heart kept skipping a beat each time someone walked by in case it was him. I felt like my heart was going to jump out of my chest from the anxiety. I texted my mom and asked if she could tell me some jokes to help me calm down, she got scared for me and decided she would drive the hour to come get me, but I told her to wait to see if I find my boyfriend. Right then, my boyfriend walked up and said "There you are! Hurry up, we need to go in to the reception! I'll meet you in there!" Before I could even tell him that my anxiety was so bad that I needed to leave, he walked away again. I immediately felt the tears coming on and went back to the corner chair and sat down alone. 10 minutes later, he came back over and I immediately started to cry when I saw him, he was confused but hugged me and told me we can go home and that everything will be okay.

We ended up having to leave without either of us getting to attend the reception for his best friends wedding. I cried the whole way home from the nervousness and regret for ruining his night and thinking everyone would be wondering what happened to me and where we went. This has made me realize I need more help, as this anxiety is ruining almost every social situation, and I am afraid my boyfriend will eventually grow tired of this happening, although he always reassures me that we can get through this.

Has anyone else endured this? How do you deal with or overcome this? I want to have friends and be social, I know I can be a fun person to be around, but I don't know what direction to go in for help. My therapist has said this is a normal reaction to the anxiety, but I want to work through this, please help :-/

 

[JustBe]

I don't know how to help as I avoid all social situations. I do feel for you and am listening.

 

[Shellbell]

Avoiding social situations is a normal reaction to anxiety. I have this too. I have one friend I can talk to and meet regularly who totally understands the PTSD etc, but pretty much I'm avoiding everyone else.

My T said I have to try to incorporate some socializing into to my life, and to do this in small steps, picking the right location (somewhere quiet), and start out small, like just meeting people for coffee etc.

A wedding is a really big full on social event, so don't beat yourself up about what happened. Just talk with your boyfriend about the anxiety and take it slow an build it up, step by step.

 

[sunshineontheway]

Don't blame yourself & push yourself over the edge emotionally... PTSD is not easy to cope with ....Getting toutured by this symptom is not your fault , but your dad's .....Though you have a bad dad, but it's still not bad to have such a nice boyfriend ...... I am still on my way of healing , without a doctor's help , because docotors here just ask you to take medicine , but wihout listining to me ,my feeling ......It's very normal for people with PTSD lose jobs , being jobless ,always feel anxious ,have panic , have bad social relationship... don't worry ,it's normal for this group , just know you're one of them .........

I recomend one book to you named <Life after trauma > , by Denna Rosenboom, Mary Beth Williams, Barbara E. Watkins , I felt like this book helps ...... Healing takes time & patience & love to yourself .....


I am on my way of healing & getting with PTSD for 14 years ....i know the difficulty of coping , healing ....
anyway , take care of yourself & don't blame yourself , do whatever you can in daily life & try your best to do them gradually ..... And i think in mental therapy of coping PTSD , psychoanalysis would help in alleviating the systom & bad emotion, panic ......

 

[The Hermit King]

When you find a way to beat the social anxiety please let me know because I absolutely feel your pain on that one.

 

[matthios]

I'd also, er, consider having a little chat with your boyfriend. He was really supportive after the fact- yes. But honestly, it seems like if you two were really solid, he wouldn't have walked away without letting you get a word in when you were struggling pre-reception.

Nobody can help us unless we help ourselves, right? This often just means being a better (read: louder and more focused) advocate for ourselves. This includes letting those we care about, who care about us, and who claim to be there for our support know what they can do/not do. Sure, you can't expect someone's actions to completely solve all of your problems, but a lot of the time, people want to help but they just don't know how. So tell'em.

It really sounds like had your boyfriend introduced you to a couple of people as a safety group for you to stick with while he was off for his duties, that also may have helped. Now, maybe you really are the type where social anxiety prevents you from being okay with that, and, hey, different strokes for different folks- but I know that's the sort of thing I'd do (and want done for me) if I ever dragged someone to an event like that which was going to be anxiety-producing and involved me having to ditch them a bit.

 

[Britt.f7]

It sounds like your boyfriend was understanding. People can't help fix a problem if they don't know it's broke. He was probably so caught up in his responsibilities he did not realize you were having difficulty. Don't beat yourself up thinking you ruined his night. He chose to go home with you, you did not make him. It was his suggestion. Try not to feel guilty about it.

I am still working on getting over my social anxiety. It has gotten worse lately. My husband is disappointed when I don't go places with him but he never berates me for it. Sounds like you have a boyfriend like that.

I wish you help.

 

[Suzan]

I can totally relate and have found certain ways of helped me through. I find its not only social situations but just large gatherings or crowds in general. Malls, grocery stores etc when they get to crowded can set off my panic attacks big time. Understanding that, I try my best to go during certain times of the day to avoid crowds and to let my family and friends know my situation and when it gets to be too much. My kids are very aware of my situation and can usually tell when I am stressing and will do what they can to calm me down.

I do everything I can to maintain some sort of normal lifestyles with my kids and partner but they know I have certain ways to handle things and are usually very understanding. I will go the movies with them but need to get there early to be seated before all the people get there. Same with concerts etc, we will go early and we need to leave before the encore so that I can avoid the rush of people trying to leave. Just some examples of how I get through social situations to try and live a normal life with my kids and partner. Not always easy for sure and I wish you the best in finding ways that help you. :happy:

 

[Violet03]

I agree with Britt.f7. It sounds like your boyfriend tried to be very supportive. Unfortunately, I feel like this in every social situation. Sometimes I am able to hide it and sometimes I end up like what you just described. I'm sorry for pain. ((((KarlaSTi))))