Social Anxiety - The Worst!

[Deleted member 12723]

I have a hard time in chat. I think it is the shyness. When I first come in people are talking and then they stop because they say Hi to me. I try to stay in there , but I get antsy and have to go. I am not a very good typist, and I have a hard time thinking of what to say. I feel bad about that because it is a good way to get to know people I post to. I have a hard time with awkward silences too. I miss my sense of himor. I used to be funny. I used to have no problem in other chat rooms.i like chat when there is a whole bunch of people in there. Then it is lively. I can just listen, and type slowly. I will go back into chat again. It takes me getting up my courage. I am afraid to go in there. The fear of the unknown I guess.

 

[PTSD sufferer]

I have a hard time in chat. I think it is the shyness.

Me too Gizmo. I am a very shy person, and I can't type very fast, I also can't spell at speed.. I need to stop and think then respond and by the time I am ready to type the conversation has moved on, and I have to start again with the thinking. I only have verbal diarrhoea with my husband, who notes that I go around in circles a lot anyway.

It is hard talking to other people in chat situations, and just as hard to post to threads. I post, then I check many times to see if what I said was stupid or silly. It is part low confidence and part negative talk for me. It is a fear of many things for me - failure, judgement and so on. Maybe it would be easier if it was a voice chat? But then again, probably not for me.

Keep trying the chat program gizmo, I am cheering from a distance for you! Let me know what helps you to overcome this challenge as I would really like to know.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Ok, I will let you know how it goes. If I can remember what post this is. Thanks for the vote of confidence. I really appreciate this alot.

 

[NarcSis]

Social anxiety is what is keeping me rooted in my house alone right now. People seem to like the topics that I cannot deal with, afterall having babies is supposed to be happy right? But just the word often sets me off struggling to stay present and focussed on the conversation, I get lost and can't remember what was said, so then I feel like an idiot.

I was also a medic for the majority of my adult life, so being in crowds triggers my hypervigilance much more so since my trauma than before - where I was looking to keep others safe before, now I'm looking for things that I'd prefer to get away from. Crowds to me = danger. I don't know how to come to terms with it.

I'm far more comfortable in small groups of 4 - 8 people, any bigger and I start to get anxious/hypervigilant. I also usually feel more comfortable/relaxed (and can even broach some of my more scary topics) if I have someone with me who I trust completely.

I'm working on this. I wonder if anyone is willing to share any actual techniques they've used to help them deal with their social discomfort?

 

[Deleted member 12723]

There is no getting around it. Being in a large group is stressful. I feel so alone in a large group. I feel so alone in a small group too.

I freeze up on the inside. I do not know how to mingle. I do not know what to say to stangers. I can listen in on coversations and mane add something. I have always been afraid of big groups. I do not remember a big group hurting me.

I just do not want to stay with it. I need alot of practice in this area. I think the more I expose myself to this the better I would get. I hate the awkward silences. My mind goes blank and I cannot think of one thing to say.

I wish i knew more jokes, anything funny to break the ice. I know this is not helping you. But I do think when we do this we have to come from a position of strength and not weakness.

We have to prepare for the unexpected. We need to cut ourselves some slack. I wish you the best.

We did not get this way overnight and we won't heal overnite. Wishing you the very best.

 

[Let It Be]

I so relate to what has been said here. I wish I had a magic wand and everytime that I have to be around people, that I would magically know what to say, and to feel comfortable in being around them.

Needless to say, I'm still looking for that magic wand.

I still go back to what my defintion of intimacy is and I kinda use it where relationships are concerned.

It goes like this: being in a relationship without losing yourself.

After I'm around certain people, I ask myself, did I just give myself away, or did I feel okay?

Some days I consider a good day, if I can go out and come back and be okay with those I come in contact with. Some days, I just want to avoid everyone, do what I need to and get home.

I guess it's mostly trial and error as I keep at it! Maybe, maybe one day, I will truly know what that defintion of intimacy feels like!

 

[kers]

I have some social anxiety. For example, I bought new glasses last week and hated them, but it took an entire day to psyche myself up to go to the store and ask to exchange them. I was almost willing to live with something I hate on my face for two years instead of just asking for different ones.

Another example: I have been taking a class (fitness-related) several times a week for years, and it's expected for long-term students to become assistant instructors. When my teacher approached me about it, I refused, because whenever I try to take on a more teaching role, I torture myself with self-critical thoughts along the lines of "you did it wrong, you are a failure," etc.

I can overcome the anxiety, so it's not debilitating, but it's definitely there sometimes.

 

[RubyTaco]

Great topic. I have lots of social anxiety. I have a hard time in any size of crowds, whether I know the people or not. I feel like when I talk, people just look at me like I'm an idiot. I usually end up having a panic attack. It stinks. Wish it wasn't like this.

 

[anthony]

The anxiety in social settings was certainly something that took me a little practical application to get through. The more exposure to it, the better it became... I think everyone can have social anxiety, without PTSD, day to day even... just due to how you feel on that day... a little withdrawn or worn out, so you become quiet, yet have a function to attend, dinner, etc. As a result, you can be anxious and just want to curl up in bed, sleep or have some alone time.

Personally... one of the best confidence boosters there is, hitting social situations head on and making yourself part of something you have no real control over.

 

[Omnia vincit amor]

Just to add to all the above, I had huge problems with group therapy, actually refused to talk about myself.

Half of my individual therapy sessions were done in the presence of a nurse in addition to my T. I repeatedly explained how much stress it is for me, it felt to me like a police interrogation. They answered, that that is their rule and they will not make exception with me.

Since then this phobia and anxiety got worse. If there is more than one person 'against' me , I feel completely blocked and under pressure. I am behaving like a small child somehow.

 

[angel2write]

I'm getting better with the social anxiety. For a while there, I was practically bricked into my house. But now we're doing pretty well.

I think three things helped: First, I gave myself permission NOT to be social for a while. Took all the pressure off. If I didn't want to go, I didn't go. I think I was pushing myself into a lot of stuff because I thought I "should" even though I didn't feel safe or didn't want to do it. Forcing myself only made me more anxious & it became kind of a feed-back loop. I was going past what I was capable of and making myself feel worse, I guess. (People on here were really nice about reinforcing the message that I didn't HAVE to be social. It helped.)

Once I stopped forcing, I got more relaxed. And then I started feeling lonely. So for a while, I'd push out, do a short event or encounter and then pull back and hide. It could take me two days to recover from twenty minutes of socialization. But I guess, as time went on, doing small things with other people for limited amounts of time, I started to feel safer. I felt more in control and less over-exposed.

Right now, I'm pretty comfortable with one or two people for about three hours. I can mingle in a crowd for about twenty minutes, then I need to withdraw somewhere a little quieter. But I can sit with my back to a wall and feel ok even at a party for a couple hours now. It's getting better.

It also helps to know that I'm going to be hyper-critical and stressed out after an event and just plan for it. My husband and family are good about telling me I didn't do anything wrong and reassuring me. Playing calming music in the car on the way home has helped me to stop, like, biting and clawing at myself or banging my head against the windows on the ride home. This sounds really stupid, but sometimes I bring a stuffed animal in the car to cuddle on the way home. Especially after therapy interviews or doctor's appointments. Knowing it's going to happen and planning for it helps.

 

[PTSD sufferer]

I couldn't agree more with what you have said Angel. I am always so impressed with how well you articulate everything.

I am the same, my hubby doesn't understand I have social limits though. He is very social and, when it's his friends, has expectations that I can be very social. I have had to force myself to be social a couple of times, and after the event I just wanted to curl into a ball and hide.

I don't feel lonely often, I feel more 'alone' than lonely if that makes sense. I probably socialise in a group of more than 4 once a year, and do ones and twos every 2 months. It's a lot more than I used to and I struggle after every social interaction.