Social Anxiety

[WonderingWhy]

BL,
I think you are doing great. Remember failure is only failure when you quit! Otherwise it's the path to success!

 

[CarrotHead]

I find this to be especially hard because I have a five year old.

I don't want to open the blinds in my house. I don't want to leave the house. I don't want to go to soccer practice, birthday parties, grocery shopping or swimming. But most of all, I don't want to stunt my childs life because I am so damned anti social. So I go.

It does not feel good and I usually take an anxiety pill before hand. Yesterday, when I came back from the bathroom during Tae Kwon Do practice I noticed that my son's water bottle wasn't with his shoes. I saw it sitting next to a strange man. I looked at it for quite a few seconds and was incredulous that this man had stolen my son's water.

When I summoned the courage I said, "Um, that looks like our water."

He said, "Yes. He, (meaning my son), brought it to me and asked me to open it. Then he ran off and I didn't know what to do with it."

I thanked him.

I felt stupid immediately assuming this man had stolen our water bottle which was just cheap bottled water anyway. But I guard everything no matter where I am. If someone touches my purse walking by, I turn around and make sure they aren't pocketing something.

If I am in line and someone is in my space, then I step side ways in line so that they would literally have to step in front of my face to get any closer.

Scariest of all, with all of the flashbacks I have been having, I have been getting more confrontational. Not as bad as before my breakdown, but I can tell by my road rage that I am hoping someone will pick a fight with me so I can beat the crap out of them.

All of these things make it hard to leave the house. Especially to be with a bunch of screaming kids and their families.

I do the same thing with phone messages you described in the beginning of this thread. Everything is all too personal when I am trying to make a friend. Too personal and I judge every thing that comes out of my mouth... usually after the fact.

 

[Lucycat]

Tonight there is a charity event in the pub. There will be 20-30 people. I know them all. I said I will go along and support the cause. But now I don't want to go at all. The temptation is just to get drunk- give myself Dutch Courage. Stupid I know.

I am really struggling with this. I feel so stupid that such trivia causes me such anxiety. Particularly when I have actually been so much better this week. Now I feel dreadful.

Maybe I will just 'show my face' and then make excuses. I just fear that I will crack up and cry in front of others. I could not bear that.

 

[cherryblossom]

To be honest wV, I personally don't see anything wrong with your reactions. Maybe they are not 'normal' reactions, but what is 'normal' anyway? I think for someone who has been abused and may have PTSD, your reactions are completely 'normal'. Always remember that PTSD is a normal reaction to abnormal events.

If anger and violence are your reactions, then try to fit in some physical exercise daily. Depending on your fitness levels, might depend what you do.

But one way of getting rid of frustration is to scream and punch pillows!!! A lot of adrenaline and frustration gone, but no harm done!!

 

[CarrotHead]

Is there someone that can be your 'companion' when you go?

Do you take any meds that can help? Particularly to prevent the abuse of alcohol.

Remember, you don't have to be there for more than you can handle. Probably making an appearance is sufficient no?

 

[cherryblossom]

Tonight there is a charity event in the pub. There will be 20-30 people. I know them all. I said I will go along and support the cause. But now I don't want to go at all. The temptation is just to get drunk- give myself Dutch Courage. Stupid I know.

I am really struggling with this. I feel so stupid that such trivia causes me such anxiety. Particularly when I have actually been so much better this week. Now I feel dreadful.

Maybe I will just 'show my face' and then make excuses. I just fear that I will crack up and cry in front of others. I could not bear that.

I don't think you are being stupid at all. When your life is surrounded by going to the pub, and being social and having a drink, it's really hard to say no.. It's also hard to go out without that 'Dutch courage'. I completely understand. I just don't know what the answer is. Perhaps you can tell yourself and others that you cannot drink because of medications (antibiotics?). Half of the battle is with yourself, others don't really care that much, so long as they are having a good time. Smile a lot, laugh a lot, and if all else fails, make an excuse and go home early. (You are on antibiotics after all, and after a hectic week at work, it could all become too much for you!!). I know it's an excuse, and it will get easier in time. But give yourself a break, and allow the odd lie, if it helps you in the long run!!

 

[Lucycat]

Thanks CB, and WV.

I did survive. Just a couple of lagers ( Half pints!). I don't get pressured by anyone else now to have a drink. They have seen me go for many months on soft drinks and I have repeatedly used the excuse of medication.

However the pressure to drink these days comes entirely from within.

But I am pleased that I manage to resist it last night.

Do you take any meds that can help?

With hindsight I should have taken a Quetiapine early in the afternoon, to reduce the anxiety, rather than waiting for it to peak and then nearly cracking under it. Maybe I'll remember to do that for whatever is the next social event to taunt me.