Sociopath?

[Verydown]

She thinks she won the lottery. She told me he didn’t care about me and that’s why he cheated but she’s different, he wanted to be with her. Lives in cuckoo land.

 

[Gs172003]

She thinks she won the lottery. She told me he didn’t care about me and that’s why he cheated but...

He'll do it to her too. It's just a matter of time

 

[Verydown]

Well techniqually he already has, with me.

 

[Justmehere]

He is full of it. You do have value, his behavior isn’t your fault, and you deserve so much better. She has no class. Stay away from them both as much as possible. They are not good for your mental health.

As I read your story, it's clear he is a total loser... but it struck me more how little you value you. You have internalized his messages, and that of your abuser from the past.

It also seems very trauma-rennacty that you kept going back to him and keep trying to engage her. Everytime you engage them, you believe the WRONG and terribly negative and destructive messages about you even more. They are wrong, false, and it's time to start disagreeing with aholes and their crappy judgement. You are a person of great value and worth.

You can either keep trying to work out the past trauma and these crappy messages by trying to figure them out, or you can more effectively work out this all out in therapy, with a good trauma therapist.

It may take a handful of tries to find the right therapist and therapy for you, but don't give up. Go back. Regain your sense of self worth, and stop giving your power up to both of them to define your happiness.

 

[Verydown]

Everything everyone has said makes total sense to me but all that overpowers my head is you will never be happy. He’s like an addictive drug that I can’t seem to come off

 

[Justmehere]

One can end a compulsive trauma reenactment - which can feel very much like an addiction - sometimes, it takes picking up the phone and getting help.

Are you willing to take that step?

 

[Verydown]

Yes I am.

 

[Justmehere]

Good! Take it one step at a time. I hope you make the call today to look into finding a new therapist. You got support behind you here. :hug:

 

[Verydown]

I will do I really will, thank you. Where are you all from? USA I take it by your words

 

[Gs172003]

I will do I really will, thank you. Where are you all from? USA I take it by your words

USA here

 

[saraemerald]

Everything everyone has said makes total sense to me but all that overpowers my head is you will never...

This is where you are now and that's a totally normal reaction. But from here on out, you can learn to separate yourself from everyone else's toxic behavior, figure out your own triggers, take care of just you and your kids and set a good example for your kids to follow by learning how to love yourself despite all the hurt you've been through. Then you will eventually learn how to stand up for yourself. Try doing this as much as you can, strengthening yourself so you can get yourself through this ugly devorce and see yourself to the other side. We are always here on this forum of course but also, like everyone else has mentioned, find and affordable therapist that YOU feel comfortable with and that isn't toxic themselves and find true, good, honest friends in your life. You might want to establish more stability in yourself and your life before you fully proceed with the divorce though and keep your distance from him as much as possible. He's dangerous and toxic and manipulative because he's got some issues he obviously has never taken the time to face.
You will get through this.

 

[Verydown]

Thank you for your kind words. I know I will get there. I will get onto seeing a counsellor as soon as possible. I’m going to hold off on the divorce for the time meaning so I’m not only financially stable but also mentally stable to be able to get through it.
I have a bunch of great friends and some that have been through similar so that really helps.

I must of come to a USA site, I’m from the UK and most of you sound like you’re from the USA. I’d love to go there some day.