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Sociopath?

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I think you can get your shit together. Look, this circus went on for a year and a half. Both women...
I agree with everything you’re saying. The only reason I never broke contact with him is because he’s been in my life since I was 16 and he got me through my past. But it’s no way to live like this. I don’t want to be with him. I just want a way forward. We have children together so I can’t cut contact altogether as he has no family to help with the hand over so I don’t need to see him. Although I never see him, kids go running out to him. I’ve been for therapy before, it didn’t work. I’ve also been on medication, nothing seemed to work.
 
Try again. Don’t give up. You really need a therapist who you can trust. If you have a looming divorce you’ll need help with that. I accept that the last time you went to therapy it didn’t work. PTSD impacts everything in our life. We’re not the worried we’ll, who get back on their feet in 8-10 sessions. PTSD has so many layers to it. Try to find someone who is an expert in PTSD. I’d hate to see you slide backwards instead of forward. You know he is going to beat you down during the divorce. You need an advocate
 
We have children together so I can’t cut contact altogether as he has no family to help with the hand over so I don’t need to see him
This is a really toxic relationship. So, to me? Having children is a reason to leave him, and finding healthier boundaries with him, and create a healthier living environment for the kiddos.

Let him sort out the issues on his side. Once you decide to leave? Priortise making that work for you and the kids.
 
he’s been in my life since I was 16 and he got me through my past.
Yep, okay, I hear you. I have lived your life.

I get why you are resistent to therapy, but seriously, you need to look for a trauma therapist who gets what it is like to live with that type. And have children with them. It's seriously ugly. And I am going to suggest that you aren't even seeing a ton of stuff that has happened because you don't understand it. A good therapist will. He will guide you in times to come while dealing with the children and him. He/She - not meaning to be gender specific on the therapist.

Anyway, I would highly suggest you stop asking yourself why. It will spin out your brain and because you aren't like him, the stuff he does will never make sense.

I know of a good youtube person who talks in a meaningful way about living with people like this.
Spartan Life Coach.
20 Signs You Are With A "Covert" Narcissist

Keep away from him at all costs (I recognize that the children will impede the ideal version of that). Never believe that he is ever doing anything for you (or the kids). Everything he does is meant to feed his vision of himself. Which, of course, is entitled.
 
He sounds like an opportunist to me. I mean he’s got two women fighting over him. This is a middle aged man’s dream! He doesn’t care about you and he doesn’t care about her.

If it’s one thing I’ve learned over the years, it’s that cheaters always act the same. They say the same things. You’d think they were all getting it out of some cheaters handbook. Nope! And the thing is that they all think they’re being clever. Please.
 
I know he doesn’t care about me, no matter what he says. But I think he cares about her. He does everything he can to put her first and hides everything away from her.
 
If you know who she is, invite her out for coffee... it would be interesting to hear what she has to say, and for you to tell your side of the story. Then he will really have a decision to make.
 
I know he doesn’t care about me, no matter what he says. But I think he cares about her. He does eve...
That's what he shows you. You don't know what he shows her. But it doesn't matter. The way he acts has nothing to do with who YOU are. It is about a crappy man treating a woman and kids he brought into the world like they are nothing. Not that they ARE nothing. Don't confuse the two.
 
I know her. We were ‘friends’ before this. Not close friends but we would talk on a daily basis. She knew who I was, that he was married to me and our children. She didn’t care.
Yes I agree but sometimes when something like this happens your mind let’s you believe that this is a reflection on yourself not them.
 
I know her. We were ‘friends’ before this. Not close friends but we would talk on a daily basis. S...
Oh believe me I know.

But it's not. No matter what your head says. Or what HE says. It will take time for you to learn that. But in the meantime stay away from him. He's trash.
 
Having a friend cheat with your hisband... That’s the ultimate betrayal. She’s scum and he’s no better.
 
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