What do you do when your symptoms flare up around certain social commitments you have made? I am going back to my home town tomorrow to see some beloved friends and family. But this time, as happens at time, my somatic PTSD symptoms (IBS type stuff that’s been very controlled the past 10 years except with things like stressful travel) are going wild. I really don’t want to go. I think I’m triggered because I’m simultaneously going through a REALLY hard traumatic time with my 19 year old. So, my cup of “stress marbles” is kind of full to the top, the “water” overflows if another big stressor is added. I’m a very busy psychotherapist and also have several patients in high need and high risk right now. I canceled the trip once already! I am so mad at myself for trying to replan it. Some people who love me and I love including elders who may not be in place for long (die or go into residential settings) really wanted me to reschedule and so I did. I HATE C PTSD when it gets physical. I just hate it. I’d like to cancel the trip as now instead of it seeming fun like it did when I first planned it a couple months ago, it feels like going back into the “have to” of going off to my abusive dad’s as a kid. Of course a I know it’s not true, but my body doesn’t! I have worked and worked and worked on this in therapy, physically etc and lead a good life overall. But today- BLECH- I am grabbed down the rabbit hole and stomach is flared up terribly, exhausted, weepy, a little dizzy. Can’t win when this happens. People would be so sad and disappointed not to see me, and I will be sad too. But I also feel so dysregulated. My husband can’t go this time, and that’s a big part of it. He’s my touchstone.