Relationship Sometimes I Just Want To Cry

[Milo's papa]

As with all sufferers, my wife has good days; in fact there are many great days. But sometimes she has days that are so awfull. I don't always know just how bad her day was until several days later. She doesn't want to burden me with all her ups and downs, no matter how many times I tell her it's not a burden.

The other night she told me that she thinks I should just divorse her and find someone that isn't broken. This isn't the first time she has said this type of thing, and each time it just breaks my heart. I know that this isn't what she really wants, it's her damned PTSD talking, but I still break down and cry every time. I hate it when she is soooo sad and there is nothing I can do about it except hold her and try to remind her that these feelings will pass.

I'm sorry everyone, it's just been a rough couple days.

 

[Sweetpea76]

@Milo's papa that's rough. Hearing something like that hurts. It's enough to make anybody's stomach drop.

What gives me comfort when my vet starts talking like that, is that actions speak louder than words. If he really wanted to leave, he would be gone. If he stays, he's just sharing his self-loathing feelings.

 

[Milo's papa]

@Sweetpea76, I know why she says it. Her T, my T my wife and I all got together to talk about it once. I understand logically where these feelings come from. That doesn't stop them tearing me apart.. All I want to do is be there for her, help her find peace agian, and grow grossly old , (like 150) together. I know we can do that.

Sometimes I just need to cry all my heartaches out.

 

[Sweetpea76]

It's good to get it all out at times, for sure.

 

[Purplemunchkin]

Long showers and loud music are great for having a good cry when you don't want anyone to know that you are struggling.

Any overheard noises can be put down to singing, and red eyes can be blamed on shampoo. ;)

 

[angrypanda]

I'm just coming out of a bad ptsd spell and I said almost those same words to my husband and my best friend. I was lost in my ptsd and those two took the brunt of my crazy. Had a hard and honest conversation with my bestie today about it all and I truly didn't understand how hard it is to love those of us with ptsd. Hard because you watch us suffer, you can't fix us, not to mention the ptsd symptoms. I either withdraw and disassociate which really scares those who love me, or I lash out with intense emotion and hurt them. When the craziness settles my husband and bestie are still there and they still love me. It defies logic but it's a beautiful thing. Thank you for being an amazing example of unconditional love for your sufferer and defying the fears that ptsd brings into relationships. I wish I could hold onto this clarity in my worst moments, but hopefully I'll continue to at least return to it.

 

[queen]

When the craziness settles my husband and bestie are still there and they still love me. It defies logic but it's a beautiful thing.

It IS a beautiful thing. It's so gut- and heart-wrenching to watch someone you love go through the storm and, as a supporter, feel so helpless to do anything about it. I think it just speaks to the strength of human love and compassion and connection, and that's why, to me anyway, it doesn't defy logic. I'd give anything to take some of the pain away from my sufferer. Anything. I'd take it on in a heartbeat if I could.

 

[shimmerz]

The other night she told me that she thinks I should just divorse her and find someone that isn't broken.

I say this to my SO as well. It started out as a 'how could you possibly love me', pissed off at myself thing, but at this point it is my 'code phrase' for saying 'thank you for loving me'. We have spoken about this and in the coded version I actually get to feel a sense of love rather than anger at myself.

Funny how powerful words can be.