Sometimes it Doesn't Get Better

[whiteraven]

It's been *decades*. This is not going to get better. I know that. But I don't know how (or even if I care) to manage it. I am so tired.

 

[MrMoonlight]

I'm sorry @whiteraven , it takes such strength to push forward as long as you have. You should be damn proud that you survived all these decades. I guess our struggle is not unlike a recovering addict needing to take one moment at a time.

I think you are worth fighting for.

 

[unbrokenn]

You should be proud you’re still here, but please know it will get better in time. Just keep your head up. There’s people out there that care. Like us here, we care. You’re worth saving. Please take care.

 

[whiteraven]

You should be proud you’re still here, but please know it will get better in time. Just keep your head up. There’s people out there that care. Like us here, we care. You’re worth saving. Please take care.

Thanks, but...people keep telling me that. That it will get better. It's been like this for something like 5 decades. I mean...???

 

[grit]

You have a difficult life by your counts for sure but if I were you, I would not discount all the times you triumph over some really dark and difficult times - that is part of you as well. You are both- it never gets better and I have ridden this rodeo before! wishing you well today.

 

[Friday]

It's been like this for something like 5 decades. I mean...???

I suppose it’s theoretically possible? But I’ve got a pretty stellar imagination and I’m struggling really hard to envision a life that doesn’t change -in any way- for 50 years. No learning, no adapting, no better, no worse, no variations, zip zero nada zilch... no change ...to be exactly like this -in absolute stasis- for half a century?

Again, theoretically possible... but it makes me wonder if you’ve got some cognitive distortions in play, or monotonizing depression casting the same obscuring fog over everything?

 

[scout86]

I have a hard time even believing in some sort of distant future. Are there things of value in your life NOW? What kinds of things make it seem worth getting up in the morning? Some times, even if they seem like small things, passing attention to them and trying to maximize them helps make life more worthwhile.

 

[whiteraven]

Are there things of value in your life NOW?

No. Well, one thing only. My cats.

I suppose it’s theoretically possible? But I’ve got a pretty stellar imagination and I’m struggling really hard to envision a life that doesn’t change -in any way- for 50 years. No learning, no adapting, no better, no worse, no variations, zip zero nada zilch... no change ...to be exactly like this -in absolute stasis- for half a century?

Again, theoretically possible... but it makes me wonder if you’ve got some cognitive distortions in play, or monotonizing depression casting the same obscuring fog over everything?

There are the small changes, of course. We change from moment to moment. But the general, overall sense is that this will not get better enough to make waking up every day worth it. And I wonder, why is it preferable (not said by you, but the overall sense I get from everyone I talk to) to live in such a state to not?

Yes, there is depression - severe at times and since I was very young - that certainly colors how I think.