Space

[Casey_03]

Since relocating for my new job several weeks ago, I have not had a single day where I could just be alone with myself. I am constantly surrounded by people -- at work all day, then staying in very close quarters with a colleague at night. It is beginning to drive me a bit mad. I am the type of person who needs some time alone each day, otherwise I will freak out. But current circumstances will not allow me that time. Do you guys have any tips for how to decompress and deal with this? So far, I have just been smoking a lot more, because that at least gives me a few minutes of solitude. I'd try to meditate but I honestly don't know where I'd be able to do it.

 

[barefoot]

Oh, I know this feeling well! I had the same thing in my last job. I actually got made redundant earlier this year, so I'm not working at the moment, but it's taken me this long - and not being there - to realise just how stressful I'd found my working environment. And that stress was largely down to lack of privacy/personal space.

It was a large, very busy/buzzy open place office and all the meeting rooms had glass walls - you couldn't get a moment of privacy anywhere! Nightmare! And I sat In an area with about 20 other people - I liked them all and got on with them and none of them were particularly loud or disruptive....but I got to the point of just finding their proximity unbearable. It was nothing they were doing wrong - I just couldn't stand to be that close to people and increasingly started to feel that I needed to escape.

Like you (and many others here, I suspect) I'm a person who needs alone time to recalibrate and I was finding that in my last few months there I was hardly spending any time at my desk - I was trying to find corners of different floors of the building to hot desk at and I spent a lot of time in the loo, talking to myself in the mirror to calm myself down or just sitting on the loo zoning out to find some peace. In retrospect, these wouldn't have been especially good strategies long term as they were really just about avoidance and hiding. But they did allow me a much needed breather at the time. I should say that I'd worked there for some years and, while I always found the environment a bit tricky, it wasn't as bad as those last few months - I think it got so bad because my PTSD symptoms got worse, so I was incredibly anxious/hyper vigilant/always feeling on the cusp of panic, so the office environment just compounded those things.

If I get another job in an office like that, I'll definitely be more mindful of putting better coping strategies in place - in fact, I was working on some of these ideas with my therapist before I got made redundant. We were discussing things like: having a 'safe' place to go if I just needed to get away and have some alone time (in the office or outside; building regular short breaks into the day so that I could go and do some breathing exercises/meditation or even just go for a walk to a different floor to get a cup of tea from a different kitchen; where possible, going for a short walk on my ownoutside at lunchtime.

I don't know what sort of work you do or what your working environment is like, but I think the only real solution is that you need to be quite disciplined and commit to making the time to do these sorts of things - start small and look for ways you can fit in a couple of ten minute breaks in the day for instance and then try to build it up. I do understand it can be difficult to find the time for this sort of stuff - especially as you're fairly early into a new job - but, in retrospect, I really believe that if I'd have put these sorts of things in place, it would have really helped me.

Good luck!

 

[barefoot]

Oh and in the evenings....would the colleague you live with think it was very odd if you weren't with them all the time? Everyone needs alone time, I think?! Maybe they want some too?! :-)

Could you meditate in your room, have a long bath, go for a walk etc. I think these are quite ordinary, reasonable things to do, so I don't think it would be seen as strange?

 

[jaccat]

I get overwhelmed sometimes when I am too much with people. My strategies- taking time out on my breaks, going for little walks. If I can't do that I'll sit in my car in the car park. Reading, if I can concentrate. Just the act of having a book open in front of me is enough to make most people give me some space. My i-pod is handy, though I have to be careful when I use it so as not to seem totally unsociable. Just these little moments are enough to keep me going while concentrating on the fact that the situation won't last forever.
I too have retreated to public lavatories in the past just to get some time alone. They're not the nicest places for time out:D

 

[GWhizz]

From what I remember you're in the Ukraine right? And have limited resources as to safe places to live even?

Do you share a bedroom with this colleague or is it an apartment share? I would go to my own room and just tell that colleague you have things to do - which you do of course so that's not untrue. You can practice your yoga/meditation or do simple floor exercises or whatever it is that helps you to de-stress and relax.

I know what you mean though. While I actually need some amount of company and interaction on a daily basis, I get totally overwhelmed if I meet too many ppl in one day or if I don't have a few hours to myself at the end of the day to just collect myself and gather my thoughts and do something I like such a reading or drawing.

For me, meditation is a daily ritual to begin my day. I feel that way I'm set up best to face whatever the day may bring. I then try to utilise mindfulness throughout my day to help me through stressful encounters.

I hope you find that space.

 

[Casey_03]

Yes, I'm in Ukraine. We're staying in the same hotel room together, which is awful, because it's tiny and we are basically forced to sleep in the same bed. What makes it worse is that she is incredibly pushy, overbearing and bossy. She doesn't seem to want any alone time for herself; it's strange. It seems like smoke breaks and short walks are the only thing I can do to escape. I can't meditate while other people are around, it makes me nervous, so that is out of the question unless this girl leaves the room. I just really hate not having any control over this.

 

[barefoot]

Oh, goodness...sharing a room...I feel for you! Is there anywhere else in the hotel you could get some alone time? Or, at least, somewhere where you don't have to interact with anyone, even if there are people around? As @jaccat says, having an open book in your hand or looking at your phone are usually indicators to not be interrupted.
Sorry you're having a hard time with this...at least smoke breaks and walks are pproviding some respite at the moment but I understand that it must feel like very limited opportunity.

 

[Casey_03]

Yes, the downside to being a journalist is that even if I go sit in the lobby or the restaurant, people will inevitably want to talk. The hotel is full of other journalists and international monitors, so we all knew each other. Just makes it even harder to escape!

 

[barefoot]

Ah, a journalist...I see, that all makes more sense :-)

 

[GWhizz]

That sucks! Sorry but it does. Will you be assigned there for much longer? I don't think I could do that - it wouldn't be good for my mental health. No way you can get your own room? Like ask your employer for a single room by yourself and stress that it's for medical reasons?

 

[Casey_03]

I am supposed to be here for a few more weeks, but I think I may ditch my companion and go off on my own to another city. My employer is too cheap to let me get my own room, unfortunately. But I have keys to a flat in another city a few hours away. It's just going to be very difficult to get there. I guess I will just have to tolerate it for a bit longer and then make my way to the other city. At first, I thought it'd be good to always be around people -- I thought it would keep me from getting depressed. But no : /

 

[Sandstone]

Can you fake busy? Sit somewhere with a laptop or a notebook, and possibly earphones and be too busy to respond to anyone. Maybe develop a novel ora memoir you work on every day at a particular time? If those around you are also journalists they might respect the writing process - I've herd it said every journalist is a frustrated novelist.

I was remembering a story I heard about a women's prison camp where everyone was crammed in, but it was understood that if someone sat under a particular bush they were to be left alone, even though others had to be in touching distance. You maybe need to grow your own bush.