Sufferer Bathroom safe space

[plain_and_normal]

Hello,

I am 44, male from Canada and I spend about 3 - 8 hours a day in the washroom.
When I was 26, I was driving to work one morning as always. On the radio, they were making fun of people who don't wash their hands after peeing. I got upset and called the station, explaining how the evolutionary process hasn't been hygienic and that we need many of those bacteria... anyways after hanging up, I said to myself - huh, I never wash my hands, I hate getting them wet, sticky, slimey... why?

AND I GOT HIT LIKE A TON OF BRICKS.

Suppressed memories rushed back of my childhood. Each day before dinner, we had to wash our hands. My father would hold me by the wrists and scrub my hands under the steaming hot water as I screamed and begged him to stop... Of course there were many other memories and emotional responses that have also returned, but this was the first time I realized that I was abused and it/i wasn't normal.

My God how could anyone do that to another person?

But you see, this is only the beginning of the story.

From the age of 6 I would lock myself in the bathroom for protection. If I was pooping and or naked he couldn't come in. I used to sit on the toiled for hours every day playing games in my own head until...

I recieved level 4 hemeroids at age 8, a complete prolapse.

And now each day, when I use the bathroom I am reminded of my origins and the fear based decisions that brought me here. He didn't do that to me, I did it to myself

Yes I am diagnosed with mdd & cptsd.

I joined this group wondering if there are other bathroom dwellers out there and to learn if there is a specific name for this type of seclusion.

Thank you all,

Respects to everyone suffering and supporting.

 

[Riley Jones]

Hello,
I am 44, male from Canada and I spend about 3 - 8 hours a day in the washroom.
When I was 26, I was driving to work one morning as always. On the radio, they were making fun of people who don't wash their hands after peeing. I got upset and called the station, explaining how the evolutionary process hasn't been hygienic and that we need many of those bacteria... anyways after hanging up, I said to myself - huh, I never wash my hands, I hate getting them wet, sticky, slimey... why?
AND I GOT HIT LIKE A TON OF BRICKS.
Suppressed memories rushed back of my childhood. Each day before dinner, we had to wash our hands. My father would hold me by the wrists and scrub my hands under the steaming hot water as I screamed and begged him to stop...
Of course there were many other memories and emotional responses that have also returned, but this was the first time I realized that I was abused and it/i wasn't normal.
My God how could anyone do that to another person?
But you see, this is only the beginning of the story.
From the age of 6 I would lock myself in the bathroom for protection. If I was pooping and or naked he couldn't come in. I used to sit on the toiled for hours every day playing games in my own head until...
I recieved level 4 hemeroids at age 8, a complete prolapse.
And now each day, when I use the bathroom I am reminded of my origins and the fear based decisions that brought me here. He didn't do that to me, I did it to myself
Yes I am diagnosed with mdd & cptsd.
I joined this group wondering if there are other bathroom dwellers out there and to learn if there is a specific name for this type of seclusion.
Thank you all,
Respects to everyone suffering and supporting.

Hello there,

Thank you for bravely sharing your story and opening up about such a personal experience. I can only imagine how difficult it must be to carry those memories and feelings with you. It's deeply saddening to hear about the trauma you experienced as a child and how it has impacted your life in such profound ways.

It's important to remember that what happened to you was not your fault, and you didn't do it to yourself. The mechanisms you developed to cope, like spending time in the bathroom for safety, were your mind's way of trying to protect you in an unsafe environment. You're not alone in this. Many people with PTSD and CPTSD have similar experiences, creating safe havens to help manage overwhelming emotions.

In terms of finding others who understand what you're going through, our community here on myptsd.com is filled with people who have shared or similar experiences. While there might not be a specific name for the type of seclusion you describe, you'll find forums where you can connect with individuals facing different aspects of PTSD and CPTSD. Sharing these experiences with people who understand can help lighten the load and offer new perspectives on how to cope and heal.

Please remember that seeking professional help can be a significant step toward healing, and connecting with a therapist who understands trauma can provide you with additional support as you navigate these feelings and memories.

Thank you again for your courage in sharing, and know that our community is here to support you. You deserve to find peace and healing.

Warm regards,

Riley Jones

 

[plain_and_normal]

AI support & response!?

 

[Muttly]

I'm sorry you have been through all that. I have also used the bathroom as a safe space when I was a kid. Except I would get in trouble if I stayed in there too long, so I had to find a balance. A bit of time to have calm.

I hope you find the forums helpful. There is a lot of great people and advice here. My biggest advice, take what's useful and leave the rest. If people post stuff that's not helpful, that's ok. That's not a judgment on you or them. And there's so much helpful stuff that can be posted. Sometimes the most helpful is hard to read. It's all a process.

 

[Muttly]

AI support & response!?

They started that a bit. After the first, intro post, you only get AI response if you go to the section for AI response.

 

[Dark.Green.Feathers]

I’m so sorry you had that done to you, personally I avoid the bathroom, but I know someone with also an abusive childhood, who will stay in the bathroom, or lay on the floor there at home; mental and physical symptoms feel better for him there.

I don’t think there is a name, but it definitely isn’t outlandish.

 

[arfie]

your use of bathrooms reminds me of my use of the great outdoors. my circumstances were vastly different, but the common factor i see is that i seldom felt safe in the filthy, highly dysfunctional houses i was raised in. (plural intended. my birth family changed houses far more often than they ever cleaned them.) outdoors was where i felt safest and that remains true 60 odd years later.

dunno if this applies or not. just sharing. . .

 

[Movingforward10]

It's very confusing when memories comes rushing back like that.

I don't stay in the bathroom. But we all have our own ways to find safety. Some of those ways help us and some of those ways hinder us.

This place is a really great resource to help find ways to make life easier.

 

[Lost in the Woods]

My mother committed suicide in a bathroom, I tend to not linger in them.

 

[AngelKeeperJ]

…And now each day, when I use the bathroom I am reminded of my origins and the fear based decisions that brought me here. He didn't do that to me, I did it to myself

First, welcome to the site. You have found a special place for sure…
Also, I would gently suggest that your brain was helping you cope with the horrid experiences. You truly had no control in any other place than the bathroom so your brain gave you a way to protect you?
For me, the bathroom was not a safe place but I am learning how to change my thinking about it.
I hope you’re getting help from a therapist? It can do wonders to help reframe your thoughts and feelings. I literally wouldn’t be here without my therapists over the years.
Welcome again!
AKJ

 

[Roland]

Hi welcome to the forum! Sorry you have reason to be here.

I like to hang out in bathrooms and closets both. They were my safe space growing up. But I was also sexually abused in a bathroom, sometimes it's counterintuitive like that. The bathroom was the only room in my home growing up where I was allowed to lock the door and have complete privacy.

 

[amicableDog6980]

Hello,

I am 44, male from Canada and I spend about 3 - 8 hours a day in the washroom.
When I was 26, I was driving to work one morning as always. On the radio, they were making fun of people who don't wash their hands after peeing. I got upset and called the station, explaining how the evolutionary process hasn't been hygienic and that we need many of those bacteria... anyways after hanging up, I said to myself - huh, I never wash my hands, I hate getting them wet, sticky, slimey... why?

AND I GOT HIT LIKE A TON OF BRICKS.

Suppressed memories rushed back of my childhood. Each day before dinner, we had to wash our hands. My father would hold me by the wrists and scrub my hands under the steaming hot water as I screamed and begged him to stop... Of course there were many other memories and emotional responses that have also returned, but this was the first time I realized that I was abused and it/i wasn't normal.

My God how could anyone do that to another person?

But you see, this is only the beginning of the story.

From the age of 6 I would lock myself in the bathroom for protection. If I was pooping and or naked he couldn't come in. I used to sit on the toiled for hours every day playing games in my own head until...

I recieved level 4 hemeroids at age 8, a complete prolapse.

And now each day, when I use the bathroom I am reminded of my origins and the fear based decisions that brought me here. He didn't do that to me, I did it to myself

Yes I am diagnosed with mdd & cptsd.

I joined this group wondering if there are other bathroom dwellers out there and to learn if there is a specific name for this type of seclusion.

Thank you all,

Respects to everyone suffering and supporting.

I tried to use the bathroom as a safe place sometimes but I wasn't allowed to lock the door. I had to let siblings or parents come in and use the bathroom at the same time as me. For example, if I am using the toilet then a family member could come in and use the sink or shower. I tried locking the door but they would stick a paper clip in the hole in the door and unlock it. If I tried using my body weight and physically holding the door shut they would just shove in, mom was a little overweight and she could overpower me physically.