Spacin'

[jasmin]

when I do dissociate, I can block out what was done to me completely as if it "never happened" I cannot recall the "deed done" to me, and when I try there's a "memory gap" surrounding the experience....that has helped me in times of SEVERE stress when I was a home all the time and my father was drunk.....I'd go away (like I was falling asleep) and I'd watch the situation as if it was happening to another person.....in fact, it WAS, and I'm convinced of it...because I cannot for the life of me recall the emotions or memories/images associated with that part of my life....It feels "separated" from me in a way you know what I mean?

I can totally relate to this.. though I do sometimes get snippits of imagery from childhood.. the majority of the memories seem to have just vanished, particularly the emotional memories. But I know they're all there somewhere!

What I do recall seems separated from myself as though it had happened to someone completely different. I have had this even when things have been going reasonably well in my life.. I just forget giant chunks of everything. And what is left over are the memories of another person because I feel so disconnected from them.