Squeamish Therapist?

[Dana1010]

Today was my third session with my therapist. After getting settled, she asked me if I'd completed the life history form she'd given me. When she initially gave it to me, I asked her if there was a deadline to complete it and she basically said no. I told her I didn't fill it out, and she seemed disappointed and asked me to please fill it out, and I agreed.

At our previous session, I told her about the loop going through my head, the incident where someone humiliated and rejected me. I had never told anyone about it. The experience of exposing myself was strange and new. I left her office feeling a little shaken and disoriented, but I went on to have one of the best, most peaceful nights in recent memory. It seemed that talking it out really did help neutralize it somewhat. And all this time I had adamantly clung to the belief that "talking about it won't do crap. Talking about it won't change the fact that I was stepped over."

Today was different. She basically started getting me to try and ground and notice my body - well and good, but anytime the conversation approached my personal life and my past, she stepped away as it were and said, "Okay. You need to fill out the life history." I couldn't understand why she didn't want to go ahead and delve into it right there - I mean why not? I sort of feel like she acts surprised when I get into anything dark or gritty. Doesn't that seem strange for someone who's been in psychotherapy for several decades?

Am I imagining it? Does she just have to have the life history before she can start to get her hands dirty?

 

[digger]

If it's only you're third session together then maybe she wants to spend more time building up trust and stability with you before delving into trauma? I've never filled out a life history for my T, but I imagine it would be useful so she has some idea of knowing how deep things go and what to prepare for with you?

I would suggest asking her, but it sounds like she's just establishing safety first. Trauma stuff can be really destabilising and she'll want to make sure you've got tools to cope with that before diving into it.

 

[Lucycat]

Why does she have to get her hands dirty? I have never told the explicit details of my trauma to my therapist in 4 years of therapy. He said it wasn't necessary and I agree as I am so much better than when I started. Now I go months between sessions.

Additionally if it really is necessary I would suggest that after just 3 sessions it is very quick to be getting into the trauma. One would expect a thorough practice in grounding techniques first, and then discussions of minor trauma to see how it goes.
It feels to me that you are trying to rush the process and the T is using the form as a distraction technique.

 

[Dana1010]

Interesting. May I ask what exactly you were doing with your therapist for those four yeas if not talking about your trauma?

 

[FindingMyself88]

but I imagine it would be useful so she has some idea of knowing how deep things go and what to prepare for with you?

I definitely think this is a big possibility, considering every time she asks for that to be filled out. Also like the others have said, you need to build trust and coping skills first. Opening up to someone, even a T, too fast can do more damage in the long run. I use to be very open about stuff to people and it seemed to make things worse, I don't know how to explain it.

When I first started seeing my trauma T, I told her a basic outline of my trauma.. physically, sexually, and emotionally abused by family. This was back at the beginning of April. Now 5 months later, we are just starting to go deeper into the traumas. This is only after having established several working coping skills and building up trust in her.

My T also does not believe in strictly just talk therapy, and I agree. Whenever I do talk, it's about one particular issue or experience and then she challenges my ways of looking at it and gives me better ways to look at myself. My last T only did talk therapy and it really kept me stuck.

I think your T is trying to start off the relationship in a healthy way. Talk to her about how you feel and maybe she can explain things to you.

 

[Jane.l]

I would find filling out any kind of form for my personal traumatic history impossible - actually to be honest I would find it quite insulting if I could right it down on a form I would be half way there already .

I gave my T a very brief idea of the problems I was having when we first met and gradually slowly - when I can cope i am still revealing more still a year and a half later. So many people in this situation are going to have major trust issues and it takes time .

Be honest with your T if you don't want to fill out a form - maybe question if this is necessary - and decide whether you want to work that way or not - it would be a deal breaker for me.

 

[digger]

Yeah, I don't think I'd want, or be able to fill out a form either, but neither was I able to delve straight into talking about trauma... a year and half on and we're still extremely cautious with the trauma work, most of the time has been spent on building trust and safety and coping skills.

@Dana1010 - what are your feelings about the form?

 

[Sammyiam]

I carn't even write the mans name that alone what he did to me, I could never write down what happened and felt for seven years of my life, it just wouldn't be an option, maybe I'm just to sensitive or just not up to that yet. I carn't even stay in the room with her talking about real surface stuff, my mind goes else where and just won't come back, my body stays but nothing else.

 

[KwanYingirl]

When I started with my current therapist I asked him to confer with my previous one (she got a promotion and had to stop seeing clients-I liked her very much). I tend to withhold information so I felt he deserved to know what he was getting into. Dissociation is my most difficult trait. He's still after a year gently getting me to tolerate my emotions.

I would not like having to write a life history. She has her reasons for asking you to do one. If it makes you uneasy, tell her. There's more than one way to get your history.

 

[Sammyiam]

I agree with KwanYingirl, I got my old therapist to ring my new one and talk to her and tell her a lot about what we had done and what I had told her so it was way easier for my new one to know something about me, it was a great idea and they both thought so to, so the first time I went to see her she already new a lot about me which helped me to feel a bit better.

 

[Suzetig]

It does sound like she might be using the form to slow things down a it. I understand the desire to just get on with it but if you're not equipped with strong coping techniques it could make things worse. Could you ask her about the purpose of the form, or talk to her about how she sees your therapy going - eg does she have a model to work to or a particular approach etc so you know what to expect. Do try and pace yourself - I've been seeing mine for 6 months and I've only just given broad facts of what happened with me.

 

[Springer80]

Perhaps it's not for her that she's asking, maybe it's for you? So you sit on your own, without risking exposure ad slowly write things down. You'll approach them at your own speed, on your own terms and they won't be so abruptly exposed when you start to talk about them.