Staff Field Trip

[desiderata310]

This week I have to participate in a "staff field trip": an overnight trip with my coworkers. I was elected to drive one of the two vans (my boss is driving the other) since I am the "second" to the GM. My boss told me yesterday that he wanted to make sure that my team didn't segregate and just ride with me. Which means in- in MY head- that there are people who will be sitting in a vehicle and specifically, sitting BEHIND me for 6-8 hours at a time that I don't know and don't trust. This is making me more anxious and triggered than I already am. I don't want to go on this trip, I don't want to drive. I've already had a really bad week because of reliving a specific trauma last week and this just sounds like utter misery.

What am I going to do? I want so badly to bail on my boss and tell him I am sick and I can't make it. There's one person I work with who actually KNOWS I have PTSD a would in to some small degree, run interference for me and my boss specifically asked that he ride in HIS van- not mine.

This sounds like two days of absolute misery. My therapist said since I am already is a bad spot that he is going to keep in touch with me and text me every so often (and encouraged me to do so as well) Of course, I can't text and drive and I can't hide from these people either.

 

[littlelostchild]

I'm sorry you are in this position. Could you let your boss know that you aren't comfortable driving the van (not everybody would be comfortable driving others for 6-8 hours) and perhaps someone else would be happy to do it. That would at least give you a break from that part of the trip. Call it sharing the leadership with the team members, is there someone on your team who really likes to drive? ;)

 

[digger]

Are there other people who could drive the van? If so, I'm with saying you're not happy driving and let someone else do it.

 

[user27357]

It is probably too late for this event but you could take the route I have taken and let it be known that even though you will work any hours asked and never refuse overtime or special assignments or emergency call ins, you will not attend social activities?

I got through some very stressful times at my job using this approach. It was easy to explain away as trying to avoid further bad eptsodes because I worked with several people that were nearly impossible to maintain a positive work relationship and had a reputation for being very confrontational. My approach was OK with management, my boss was reluctant to be around some of these jerks himself.

It sounds like you have a position where you need to be available for trips like this, thats too bad. It is no fun working with people that can't be trusted and being around them away from work is just begging for more trouble.

I was able to keep working through some amazingly bad times at my job and my stance on the social activities proved to be a spotlight on my coworkers problems and not mine. They are for the most part all unemployed now.

When those A holes I used to work with acted up at work I would just picture my boss standing behind them, passing me dollar bills and smiling knowingly. We all do so much for our paychecks, why is it so hard to accept that some of that money comes from not doing something? Bang your head on the keyboard for 8 hours straight knocking out a proposal or budget- sure no problem. Stand quietly and say nothing while you listen to a coworker explain why he thinks you are out to get him and how he will systematically make you pay for all the times you made him look bad by doing a better job than him- harder but doable. Try to remember that, it is hard but should be so easy and can be if you approach it with the idea that the easiest thing to do should be doing nothing.

 

[hailstorm]

@desiderata310 I used to feel the same way about going on trips.. not driving but being in planes where there is no escape. I would listen to my ipod full blast and do something distracting such as word find or sudoku until I reached my destination. Of course you couldn't do the hands on stuff, but maybe an ipod with ear buds might distract you enough while still being safe on the road.
You might also consider distracting your passengers by providing them with games to play while you drive. If these people are anything like most, they will hate the long drive as much as you do and can't wait for it to be over.
This trip could be an opporunity for you to face your fear and possibly strengthen you when it all turns out pretty good. Try to focus on some good things that could come out of the trip. Getting to know your coworkers better, finding strength within yourself, exploring new surroundings...
Give yourself some credit for being trusted by your boss to be included in the trip dynamics... trust yourself. Your boss already does.

 

[Recovery4Me]

@desiderata310

Acceptable excuses:
1) "My eyes appear to need an exam, it's been a while (or new glasses) and I will not put others at risk. I am so sorry to let you down." Then go on that day and have some self care.

2) "Unfortunately something 'personal' has come up and demands that I be elsewhere during that time to take care of it. I can not talk about it at this time. I apologize for the inconvenience and need to take a personal day." And then make an appointment with your T, dentist or anything else you have placed on the back burner.

3) On the day before the event, " I am so sorry. I seem to have a personal concern..."
(keep an example in your mind that can really happen such as sleep deprivation, unnecessary stress, god forbid but- diarrhea or increasing PTSD) -or in other words you do not need to explain to your boss your personal concern as it is personal but you are not fibbing
"...and can not make the trip."

4) I have thought about it and no thank you. I do not feel comfortable about being behind the wheel with that many folks. However, it was a great honor that you considered me. What else can we do instead, please?

After all, unless it is in your job description...you are NOT required to place yourself at personal risk for lawsuits if things did go wrong. Take what you need and leave the rest.

 

[darrenS]

im going to take the opposite route and say , why dont you challenge yourself , it seems you have a good handle on who you are , keep all talk to small talk , select an audio book , do something to give you reason to zone out when necessary "ohh sorry im concentrating on the road" , i am a master avoider and procrastinator and one thing im very aware is the amount of work l put into avoiding something , as compared to how much work is actually in doing....just saying

 

[desiderata310]

I have no choice but to go. I've tried everything short of out and out refusing to go. My boss is pretty insistent that we all go on this trip. Since I am "leadership" I MUST go. He feels really strongly about me driving and kept reinforcing that it SHOULD be me. Something about the two top people in the team doing all the driving.

I usually bike everywhere so this will be the most time I have spent behind a wheel in .. YEARS.

The only thing I can come up with is music: put my headphones on and just stay in my own world. Refuse conversation so that I can concentrate on the drive.

I've tried to just not think about this. I've tried to just put the whole thing out of my head and hope for the best. I was hoping for other coping strategies.

 

[joeylittle]

Can you pick your front seat partner (navigator)? If there's someone you feel good about it could help you be more attuned to that person than those behind you. Just a thought.

 

[desiderata310]

@joeylittle I was hoping to have the person who knows ride shotgun with me. He has to ride in the other van.
Seriously, why must my boss make this so freaking difficult ?!

 

[shandemonium]

UGH! Do you work for Habitat? Sorry to name names, but they made me do three things exactly like this when I worked for them.

I cannot state enough how much I hate sleeping over with lame-ass coworkers and not even being able to smoke weed and escape from them (Truth!).

I like @Recovery4Me 's #3 suggestion the best. If I feel trapped and dealing with a drone-bot who doesn't get why that shit is so terrible, i wait and bail last minute with a "sickness"... Her version is more professional and thoughtful than what I just said though

Do you have any medical insurance? I used to have Kaiser and could email my doc through the kp website asking for a letter to get me out of work without even going to see him/her. I did that a few times ;) NO boss can argue with a doctor's note. I don't mean a ptsd-note, just a sickness or something.

 

[scout86]

This reminds me of one of those situations where my T would say, "Maybe you should consider finding another way to look at this." With the implication being a BETTER way to look at it. (And, oh yeah, he's SAID that! More than once. :wideeyed:)

I can see how the situation is potentially stressful, for sure. You can't get out of going, but I think you might have a legitimate (even in a non-PTSD sense) point when you say that you rarely drive and haven't driven that far in a long time. Your boss doesn't sound like the sensitive type, but I can at LEAST see where it would be good to switch off drivers. Would he buy that? Maybe you can make that some kind of "team building" deal? Give more people the opportunity to drive, navigate, and relax? The whole leader/driver thing seems a little silly, to me.

I don't know what any of these people are like, of course, but, when you get to know them, maybe there will actually be one or more that you like and find interesting.