Standing Out In The Daylight.

[pandora]

Be proud of yourself for taking control over your life and wanting to make it better for yourself!!!

 

[fin]

It is so hit and miss Pandora, it goes down very badly with my psych. and therapist. And while I am up today...well this afternoon, and odd moments here and there it does feel so fleeting. Also, I am becoming I think... quite obnoxious. I think quite objectionable and disliked. I can't swear to it...but it feels like I am.

It is just I have been indoors and isolated away and have I think also come real close to going completely off my head. And I really want to get well. I really want to be better...if I could make it happen just by wishing it ...I know that isn't how it works. I am and have always worked hard at this, but I am trusting the powers that be, less now and thats not good. The problem is they have no vested interest in me, and finally I do and again!! I had given up at one point...because I just could not cope any more with trying to get help. I feel in some ways like I have had a break and am now back and fighting to get better...harder and more passionately, because I have been here and I know that improvement isn't a dirty word, or something that other people have and I can only dream of. I have the diagnosis now, so I am hoping for treatment- some guidance..I know I can't do it on my own...and that really scares me.

I know I come across as intense now, in fact that is probably an understatement. I am trying to be taken seriously.



You know I just read this back...and I missed that you told me to be proud of myself Pandora. I had read it and just didn't really know how to take it on...I will try to be proud of myself...it is hard. I know I come across as desperate as well.

 

[pandora]

I was just wondering if you have tried other psychs or therapists. I really have never had a problem but it could personally just be a personality conflict and that is ok too...but you will find an understandable one. I beleive many of us have here....

I think we all take you seriously, we wuppost you and if wishes were that simple as you said...I am sure we would not be here.

One day at a time and supporting yourself..learning to change your thoughts, getting your traumas written down, being good to yourself...NONE of this would work if we did not try at them and try to heal ourselves. You should be proud of yourself...attatching to others here is a start and if possible maybe one day it will be easier attatching to others..in reality and not cyberspace. It takes time and patience with ourselves..that is for sure!!! Beleive in yourself.....

 

[fin]

Thankyou Pandora, thankyou so very much.

The problem I have had has been in getting treatment. I am hoping that things will improve now some. I was misdiagnosed for many years and then it too often comes down to funding and people falling through the cracks in an already underfunded and overstretched system.

I finished my last assessments 2 weeks -ish before Christams having previously been diagnosed about 5 or 6 years ago now I think. I could complain and put things in writing and that would maybe be the thing that would get things rolling again. But I don't see any point. I would then be at the mercy of the people I was making official complaints about. And then I would be hoping they would refer me on in some way.
And I really just don't have the energy to either. The ptsd crisis centre in Rugby agreed that to often peoples energies are taken up with complaining...the thing is as soon as you complain the treatment stops until after a resolution is found...so it is a catch 22.

No all energies now are in moving forward, either with their help or alone. My GP said if I have not heard anything in the next three weeks he will try to refer me on to a big trauma specialist in London.

oh and the thing I did on Tuesday was my idea...and I do think it helped some small way. So I have to be doing something right. (I hope)

Thankyou Pandora....I am inspired at how much you give of yourself, thankyou so very much again for your friendship and encouragment towards me.

I feel that I could have said or been more of an encouragment to you with Devon. I think you are an amazing mother. I have not posted as I am not sure of my parenting skills at the moment. My son left home not that long ago. I am very proud of him, but we had some stuff before he left that I know I didn't handle well.

Just being a parent sometimes feels like such a thankless task. And the worry never really ends no matter what. I do think Devon has to be going through a teen angst thing...mine "switched" at thirteen and it was exactly like that a switch, that I couldn't quite figure out where the supply was coming from. It seemed very overwhelming at the time. And I can remember it like it was yesterday. It was a very definite switch to teen. Almost I would say overnight.

Bless you Pandora and thankyou always.
thinking of you
~fin

 

[pandora]

You are welcome..thank you too....will write more tomorrow...am not having a good night.

 

[cragger65]

It's still hit & miss for me too, believe me. "One step forward two steps back" as the song goes.

 

[movinahead]

I love the quote......the "if this is as good as it gets" one......because, even being at the beginning of this.....even the small steps I have taken so far....have made a difference....I think just even in the "knowing"...I am making a difference. I have felt so out of control for so very long.....this has got to be better.....thanks.

 

[fin]

up and down, I am sorry I didnt want to start a new thread again but I think I have to; what I was going to write here doesnt seem appropriate to this thread any more. I am sorry.