Starting A New Job, What Was I Thinking

[jandal]

I start a new job on Monday and the thought of it makes me want to hide. I stayed in my last job because it was comfortable, I could do it automatically and I feel I need that, I can't cope with drama and conflict and lots of interaction. My dissociating is bad as is my anxiety but my job finished after 4 years so I had to find a new one. The thought of having to go in, smile and appear happy and competent to be there feels so overwhelming and depressing. The thought of having to learn new systems, processes, and get to know people and politics feels too much. I feel scared.

Sorry for the downer it's just how I'm feeling and I'm trying to get better at identifying and expressing how I feel.

Thanks for reading.

 

[The Albatross]

How did you feel jandal, when you received the job?

 

[IamFree]

The fear of change can be worse than change itself..its ok to feel scared its ok to feel anything right now.

 

[jandal]

How did you feel jandal, when you received the job?

I felt the same as I do now when I got the job just felt I needed to take.

 

[The Albatross]

Ah, I was hoping that you could maybe reignite some of those feelings as a way to allay the pressure you're feeling now.

 

[VioletButterfly]

@jandal - I can relate to what you wrote as I am in the same boat, but still looking for a job. I have the same thoughts and concerns that you've expressed. My surefootedness has kind of left the room in the past few years.

What do you think would help you to steady yourself? I find it helpful to strategize before-hand. I'm thinking about taking something from home with me in a pocket or backpack/purse, or maybe taking my portfolio (cover for a legal notepad) with successes/affirmations from my previous jobs noted on the back page of the legal pad. In this way, I could start taking notes on the first page, then flip to the back page should I become anxious. I might need to wait for a break or go to the restroom, but at least I'd have those reminders written down to reassure me that I am capable, skilled, smart, etc... Even just being able to touch and use my own portfolio, legal pad and pen would reassure me and ground me. I'm not sure what kind of work you do, but usually we all need to take notes on the first day or during the first week of a new job. I hope that description makes sense. Just a couple of thoughts.

P.S. Your post is not a downer at all. I can totally relate to your concerns. Best of luck!!! VB

 

[jandal]

Thank you so much for your replies. First day over, exhausted, but it went ok, tomorrow is another effort. I read your replies on my way into work and they made me feel better, just knowing that others understood my fears meant a lot - made me feel less alone.

@VioletButterfly great idea about having affirmations that are personally meaningful for you at the back of your notebook, thank you. I hope you get a job soon that allows you gently to do it. I'm sorry that you are going through a similar struggle; our symptoms effect our confidence and our capacity to cope. Thanks again for posting your encouragement :)

 

[VioletButterfly]

:tup: