Starting Soon With Emdr ( Very Scared)

[Dali77]

Hi all.

Need to get this off my chest cause it is driving me crazy. Will try to keep it short tho

- I was under treatment with my old shrink
- The institution who paid him filled for bankruptcy
- A 3th party bought the building , the debt and offered the old clients new treatments

My Diagnosis is aviodent personality disorder along with cptsd

So I wanted a trauma specialist who also offered EMDR . And I got exactly what I wanted

The only info my new T has is a diagnosis . My file has been missing with key information .

We are now close to 6 weeks in and he only keep referring to the PTSD not a word on the personality disorder.
At the moment we are at the final stages of the preparation .

He thought me some grounding techniques
He advised me what inner diologe to apply when I feel like having a panic attack
He invited my support group to the therapy session to advice them what to do in my time of need
He gave me a list on what to do in times of stress

Next week we are gonna have a final prep session before we begin to apply EMDR on memories on early childhood. He did mention that we are gonna start of slow till I learn some coping skills when something bad comes to the surface . If I gain confidence in this we could dig a little deeper .Obv I can stop at any time if shit just doesent feel right, too scared or just to intense or overwhelming

Im terrfied to go back there but at the same time I know I need to do this in order to have a life worth living
Im terrified that he thinks im only have ptsd and that he wont treat me if I add that there is a personality dorder as well to look at

If I dont say anything I might give myself some permanent brain damage . But then again life isent really worth living if I dont go back to the early years . Im very aware that this work needs to be done in order to get SOME kind of releaf

If I where to proceed with the emdr . Am I putting myself in great danger of making thing much worse?

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I do not have an answer to your question. I was terrified of doing EMDR but it actually changed my life for the better. I am not longer haunted by the multiple traumas I experienced as a child and a teenager. It is not for everyone. I am so happy to hear that you are going to go slow and learn coping skills to use. I wish you the best.

 

[Ladyghosthunter]

I'm going to be doing this too....I'm not scared. I'm wanting to be well again...

 

[Finding Maeve]

I also just started EMDR. I'm done with PTSD ruling my life. I'm 42 and have never had a normal, happy life without depression and anxiety. I will do whatever it takes. It may be incredibly painful, but if I have to delve into a scary place in order to come out the other side with some hope of a better life, I will do it.

 

[Dali77]

I do not have an answer to your question. I was terrified of doing EMDR but it actually changed my life for the better. I am not longer haunted by the multiple traumas I experienced as a child and a teenager. It is not for everyone. I am so happy to hear that you are going to go slow and learn coping skills to use. I wish you the best.

Cheers mate

Its the long term that I will try to keep in prospect . So whenever I fall into a deep dark place , I know why Im doing this for . Im willing to go threw ''hell'' in order to achieve my goals . Im just worried about my tolerance level . It will be a huge plus to have some copings skills. So whatever your bring to the service you know how to handle . The only way to get the coping skills is threw experience

I got a pretty decent support system but I know that most of the work has to be done by myself despite the best intentions by your loved onces

Atm I can use all the positivity I can get so if its not too much to ask :

Care the share some of the benefits you got by going threw this proces?

I'm going to be doing this too....I'm not scared. I'm wanting to be well again...

Yeh me too . I might not get well as in 100% healed but it would be of great help to at least proces SOME of the garbage of your past

To get rid of 50% sounds like a dream to me

I also just started EMDR. I'm done with PTSD ruling my life. I'm 42 and have never had a normal, happy life without depression and anxiety. I will do whatever it takes. It may be incredibly painful, but if I have to delve into a scary place in order to come out the other side with some hope of a better life, I will do it.

Lol pretty much in the same postion as you. Only a few years younger but my life has past by me without me participating in it. All because this condition has made it impossible to function IRL . Missing out on a decent carreer, wife , kids and im really tired of that

I also have the ''whatever it takes'' attitude . This false state of ''comfort'' is much worse that any trauma I have endured in my life / Yes even the really big ones

 

[Dali77]

Just had my first session where emdr was aplayed one some early childhood memories . For now we focused our attention on not getting the approval I need from my Narcissistic father .

After that we picked out a memory that been hard on me , Followed by a dozen ''sets'' where I had to descirble whenever something came up . While the urge to weep was present and becoming stronger and stronger I could not get myself to cry.

Even now as we speak the urge is pretty darn big but I cant get myself to cry as I want to

The next few days will be interesting if all of the sudden stuff will come up to the surface . As Emdr has the known effect of delayed emotions/responses

I am somewhat worried about this grief that is just about to express itself but will take it as it comes

Will use this forum to bitch about things if I fiend myself in a situation that I have trouble with