Starting Therapy For Suicidal Ideation Tomorrow, Anyone Got Any Experience?

[Cool Cat]

Same therapist, different focus.

Basically, I've been in therapy properly since October. I went in, as you know, as a self harming nervous wreck. I was getting flashbacks and anxiety attacks on a daily basis. I could not handle any exposure to anything that reminded me of my c-trauma. I could not express emotion, or look my T in the eye.

Since then there have been a lot of improvements. I haven't SHed in months. I don't get nearly as many flashbacks and when I do, I can ground myself. Similarly, I get few anxiety attacks and I can identify them and breathe. I can handle exposure to things that remind me of trauma now. I can express much more emotions and hold eye contact. I also regulate emotions much better now.

However the one thing that hasnt gone away is how I still experience suicidal ideation, especially recently in the last few weeks. My T told me in our last session, which was about 2/3 weeks ago (missed a session because of bank holiday) that we would be working on this and he would be directing the sessions for the next few weeks. We both want this and I want to sort out my suicidal ideation because it is really troubling me. I have been getting lots of urges to self-harm.

But....I'm a little bit nervous about this new therapy. I am afraid as to what to expect when we take this head on.

Anyone got any experience? Or know what I am to expect?

 

[Suzetig]

Did your therapist say he would be doing anything different in terms of approach, or is he just going to help you stay focused on the suicidal ideation? I ask because I've dealt with a lot of different issues over the time with my therapist and while the focus has changed, her way of working with me has been consistent. Unless he's talking about using a different modality, I'd expect him to be the same, just focused on this one area. If you found his way of working with your other stuff helpful, and it seems you have, I'd try not to worry about the next bit of the journey.

 

[Cool Cat]

@Suzetig he said he would be directing the next few sessions, when normally 'the client' directs the sessions. He said we would be very much focusing on it over the next few weeks. I can't help worrying, I'm really anxious about it. I've never talked about it really before face to face. I've only ever called Samaritans, who although well meaning, I havent found to be very helpful.

 

[Suzetig]

Remember it's still your therapy, you can slow the pace at any time and its ok to say you're not ready. I'm working with a therapist who uses a number of different approaches, including CBT, which is quite directive and client centred therapy, which is decidedly not directive. While she draws on all of the skills and knowledge available to her, she's clear that I'm setting the pace, even if she sets the direction sometimes.

Could you have a chat with him tomorrow and just check out what he has in mind? If you're not happy with it tell him no, if you are happy but scared of the pace or focus, you get to decide that still.

 

[Cool Cat]

@Suzetig yeah, I guess though for my own safety we really do need to make a move on it though.

I just have this deep constant pain.

 

[Suzetig]

Tiny baby steps is still making a move, it sounds like your therapist has been doing ok with you so far around SH and flashback but I can totally get how frightening it is to talk abut suicide openly. He'll know it's hard too and should help you talk about it, pace the work and make sure you're ok to leave at the end of session. I feel for you though, I know very well what it's like to be anxious about what's going to come up in session.

 

[nic1633]

Are you on any medications that could be contributing to this recurrence?

 

[Cool Cat]

@nic1633 none and have never been on meds

 

[nic1633]

Hmm... well then I'd echo other members advice. Check with your therapist to see what the plan is. Remember with PTSD that it's very hard to give up perceived control. Do you trust this person? That they have your best interest at heart? It could be time for you to take your next step forward... it's your healing... you decide :)

 

[scout86]

In my own case, there are a lot of session where he "directs" things because I have no idea where to go. But, we've talked about this topic some. I think it will be ok. It's just another topic. Sounds like your T has a plan & if working together has gone ok so far, this should too. It sounds like you've made a lot of progress, so I'd guess working together has gone pretty well.

 

[Trace911]

Breathe. You are always in control of your responses. I've been there- it's like watching a police drama on TV- who, what,when, where, why. Your therapist wants the best for you, and wants to assess the intensity of the risk. So ask yourself those questions- why do you want to hurt yourself? Who will benefit? How? Who will suffer? How? What holds you back? What do you want to live for?

 

[Anarchy]

Hi Cool Cat,
I'm not sure how many impossible things you've seen so far today, here's one that will take the biscuit:

The Health Services Executive, actually producing something.... which is impossible enough in itself .... and even more impossible.... they've done a good job of it!

Admittedly it would be very difficult to have Marsha Linehan coming accross in a bad way, so the glory can't all reflect on the HSE (my memories of the HSE had a morbidly obese, chain smoking minister without a party (she was even worse when she did have a party, the PDs seemed to be fanatical about pushing all the ideas that were too bad for FF) in charge, and it kept on going down hill from there.

Seriously though, It is likely that your T will be giving you some DBT skills, the vid is of Marsha Linehan who developed DBT, talking about it, and what it consists of:

Let us know how it goes :hug:

PS
The minister also, arguably, suffered from severe paranoid delusions, eg her justification for being driven around in an armoured ministerial limousine - due to her fears of assassination. There were several people who went public with the comment that she wasn't worth a bullet.