Starting To Recover When She Wants Out...

[discarded]

That is a such a shame that the medication caused more problems than it solved. I have recently left my sufferer husband and after giving him the initial 3 months (and more) that he requested to sort his life out, I have no option than to commence property settlement as my financial situation is bleak. I so wish my husband wanted me back, I was at breaking point and thought leaving would be the catalyst for him to seek help. I thought I was worth it. Sadly I now think I was wrong, he is slowly drinking his life away, "fixing himself his way" as he put it.

Your wife has probably reached her breaking point and needs time out to save herself. Had I found the forum prior to leaving my husband I may have taken a different approach, been a little more patient. It really is incredibly difficult to be a supporter, we may recognise your symptoms and triggers, but we can never truly understand what you are going through and even had we had the same traumatic experience we may not have been affected by it the same way. I got tired of being blamed for his misery, I felt guilty at not being able to fix him no matter how hard I tried, and I hated the isolating and withdrawal from me. We had been together 28 years and it would seem I don't mean a damn thing to him. There is no communication at all, not even to see our 12 year old daughter.

Give your wife time and space, just as you as a sufferer need your space at times. If you are able to maintain some communication and on friendly terms that is great. There will come a time when she may be ready to listen to you or read what you have written on here. She has given her all and just feel at this time she can't do it anymore. PTSD takes a huge toll on everyone involved.

I hope it all works out for you both, I really don't want PTSD to claim yet another marriage and devastate yet another family. Whatever the outcome, don't lose focus on all that you have achieved, be proud of yourself for working so hard to save you and your marriage.

 

[The Albatross]

Glad you realized it was the prescripton med. Welbutrin and that whole class of med is bad for me as well. Too bad though, she can't distinguish between the medication side effect and you. It would be worth a conversation, I think.

 

[Johnnyboy]

My main comment is that you have to find yourself my man. It's not fair to her that you are dependent on her for your well being. Trust me, I know where you are coming from - at least I think I do. You have to learn how to say what is really underneath and inside. Those cutting words? That's how a guy seeks control, or to cause hurt to the one who loves him out of a shadow streak that gets off on the pain it causes. We aren't just one person you know. We are many different motives and characters.

Continue to work on yourself, and continue your own therapy and growth (if you have a therapist who is worth anything.) Get in touch with your shadow and own it for real. Then become its master. Recognize what you are doing and decide what you will do instead when you feel that stuff coming on. That takes as much work as practicing to dead lift 400 lbs. It's hard, very hard, to change habits of interaction.

You have to become your own man who can deal with himself without requiring her to do it for you.

Your doctor should have paid more attention. He should have said something like, "Let's try this and see. Call me tomorrow or the next day and tell me what's happening. Thee are a number of things we can try, and we can play with dose. And nothing should be forever." I'd lean toward just a little prozac myself. YMMV. Pills aren't all bad. But yeah, I know. Lots, maybe most doctors just don't take the time to do it right.

(And - I had something pretty funny happen today. I went downtown and there was a dance studio doing a bellydancing demo. I took some pictures. Thought one of the gals was cute. She complimented me afterwards on my spectating. "You're a good audience." :))

 

[sol1107]

Man, has it been 3 months?

So I'm in the final week of my marriage, and the third session of therapy. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. I needed this YEARS ago! I went in to therapy with my triggers already identified, and we worked on ways to avoid my triggers, which unfortunately there is no way to avoid people. Instead, my therapist has helped me identify errors in my thought process. It's like complaining about the neighbors dirty laundry on the line when you're looking out a nasty window. CBT is the friggin' Windex!

Last week, I knew my wife was talking to the man I mentioned in my original post. She still denies it because she knows he's the only thing left in this world that I truly and deeply hate, and though I know the divorce is my fault, he was the reason she rushed things. However, instead of flying into a total rage like I did every other time that asshole popped into my head, I stopped and thought about what was about to go wrong in my head. My first thought was, "She doesn't care about me or respect me, which is why she's still talking to this tool." When I realized my fallacy, it quickly changed to, "She still loves me. I know this because of the way she looks at me and holds me." Problem solved, and the dickbag was out of my head.

Unfortunately, this comes at a cost. Instead of the usual anxiety attacks I used to suffer, I feel the anxiety without any physical effects. This makes my brain work 1000%, and I get so exhausted trying to decipher my thoughts that I just fall deeper into depression. Eventually, something breaks me down. I could spend hours trying to use what I was taught, but I fail, and it hits me so much harder than it would have without the therapy. Now, I spend my time trying to find something unrelated to my failures, such as why I can't beat level 70 in Candy Crush.

It's a long road, and I've finally decided to take it by myself. She can walk with me when she wants.