Starting to talk...

ladee

MyPTSD Pro
I'm really glad you feel welcomed and not alone. Seeing that we all have or had the hard stuff to talk about. It really does help to know others are feeling the same feelings.

Your T sounds wonderful and supportive. And Covid has set many back with having such an impersonal way to communicate. Odd how we resist sometimes but so took it for granted there was a living human that we could touch during our time with them.

Hopefully, we will get back to one on one in real life soon.

Come here and share what you need to share. Or are able to share. We all understand how we have to do things in 'baby steps'. But it works.

We are here for you Waterbear. We understand.
 

Mach123

MyPTSD Pro
Thanks Mach. SO frustrating!!! Did you eventually look in the right place? Stop avoiding it? When we first started it was like it was this massive wall in front of me in my mind, what happened, and all I could do was turn away from it. I couldn't even stand there and look at it, acknowledge it. So maybe I have come a long way in that now I can look at it. I still have NO IDEA how I am supposed to get past/under/over/round/through it to the other side, but at least I can stand there and look at it for a little while now. Can I ask, why did you yell (figuratively) at your T? Were you taking your anger at what happened out on her? I was a little angry this week, more because we used to have two sessions and now only have one because she has other priorities now, and I felt left alone with all of this after we brought it all to the surface. It's so hard dealing with all the emotions isn't it. Did you manage to work things through? It sounds like you talk about it in the past tense. Thank you, not forcing it sounds right, and maybe too not placing an expectation on it. We are where we are, and we will get where we are going when we get there???
Hi, yes to everything.

It took my whole life, but it was in stages and the last phase, which has enabled me finally to say I have made some progress and gave me a then and now perspective, was about 10 years in trauma therapy.

I remember at first I drew pictures. When you said a massive wall in front of me I remember that. I saved them. It was like a dungeon underground and there were windows but so thick only light went through you couldn’t see.

But yes it was last week or in the last few weeks that I finally understood I was trying to come to terms with it and acknowledge it and look at what was right in front of me.

You are doing a great job and you should be so proud of yourself. We tend not to do this of course, and beat the hell out of ourselves instead.

I hope you have perhaps read a few books, I’d ask the therapist first. Judith Herman’s book “trauma and recovery” I think is still the best one.

This forum is very good, the best I’d say anywhere on the Internet, and I’m glad you found it. I’m a CSA survivor and I have cPTSD which I thought was what I was, and what I needed to remember. It started though with my mother when I was very young.
 

Movingforward10

MyPTSD Pro
I said in session last week that it feels like it is time to bring this part of me home, but I am so so lost as to how to do that. Time. Time and trust I guess. Thank you.

She said to wrap the feelings up warmly, hold their hand as I bring them on Tuesday where she will be waiting and watching out for them, and we will take care of them together.
I thought what you said here above (time to bring yourself home) and what your T said above, are both really beautifully put. So eloquent and full of compassion and care that you have for yourself and T for you too.

Your T sounds great, and it also sounds like you and her connect really well.

You can do this and you can do it at your pace.
If it starts to feel too much, you can stop. Ground yourself again and either try again, or slow down about it.
You're in control. You have the power now. You decide when and how, and how much detail and for how long you talk about it or around it. And your T will help guide you and help keep it safe.
Whatever you decide to do and how you decide to do it, I hope you get a sense of power and achievement from it.

Welcome to the forum!
 
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