Strange Meeting With My Therapist Today

[Hope1969]

I really love and respect my T. It's the first time that I trust someone and told her so many thing that I never told no one. I feel comfortable with her.
But when the sexual abuse came up a month ago I was worried that maybe it's too difficult subject for her to deal with. And I asked her many times if she is sure that she wants to be my T because I came for something else and suddenly this thing came up. She always say that she is committed 100% to whatever will come up in the therapy.

Today I told her that I felt that the last meeting she was not with me. Like she was on automatic pilot. Honestly I was not sure if it was her or myself on the automatic pilot. She listened and than said the sexual abuse in the family is the most difficult experience for the client but also for the therapist because whatever she will do will not be good enough. She said that I am angry because of what happened in my childhood and part of the anger is forward to her naturally.
I felt that she is frustrated (maybe not and its just me) and I felt uncomfortable.

I don't understand why she had to say that the therapy is difficult for the T also. I feel like a case study in a psychology book suddenly. Now I will be afraid to "complain" about stuff because maybe it's this anger issue as a surviver.

I am allwayes afraid that she is going to stop the meetings (it's my issue she is very committed and support me to call between meetings of i have the need. She even said once that she is glad that I am going to her). And now because of what she said I am more afraid of abundant.

I feel so stupid and worthless

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I feel so stupid and worthless

Dont, you totally arent. I dont get why she would say that. That would make anyone feel bad. Im sorry, i just dont get that.

 

[Georgii]

Hi Hope1969. :)

Generally, individuals who struggle with sexual trauma tend to “project” certain images/expectations onto their therapists. If you were seeing a male therapist, it is a common phenomena that you would not trust him and may provoke him as a way to affirm to yourself that “all men are dangerous.” It can come in many different forms.

But since your therapist is a female, however, she is most likely referring to the feelings of helplessness that may emerge as a result of supporting a survivor of sexual trauma. As you narrate your story to her, she may feel an intense need to rescue you from the abuse — which, she obviously cannot, since the abuse had taken place in the past —, or to feel extreme repulsion toward the abuser.

Sometimes, therapists may have a shared trauma with their patient (such as in the case of sexual abuse), and in this case, it is common for them to either not want to address the issue altogether, or to refer the patient to another specialist.

I agree that it is unusual for your therapist to have brought up the effect of trauma therapy on her, where the focus should ultimately remain on you.

Regardless, I believe it is best to explore your insecurities and fears with her (especially those about her and your fear of her abandoning you, etc.). Doing so will prove very helpful ultimately in the bond you share with her and in your journey to health. :)

 

[Tinyflame]

I'm sorry @Hope1969 . I doubt she meant it in a negative way.

 

[EveHarrington]

You're not stupid or worthless! :hug:

Can you bring up these concerns to your therapist?

 

[Hope1969]

You're not stupid or worthless! :hug:

Can you bring up these concerns to your therapist?

Yes. I am going to although I am afraid to do that

 

[Hope1969]

I'm sorry @Hope1969 . I doubt she meant it in a negative way.

I am afraid that her subconscious said that. She is also human.

 

[Hope1969]

Hi Hope1969. :)

Generally, individuals who struggle with sexual trauma tend to “project” certain i...

Hi Giorgii. Thank you for your answer. I am going to talk to her next meeting. By the way she was not sexual abused (thank god) she told me.

 

[Deleted member 29920]

A psychologist told me it was frustrating for both her and me. I don't know why they say such things. It just makes us patients feel worse. It's insensitive, sorry she did the same. Tell her how you feel about it.

 

[Hope1969]

A psychologist told me it was frustrating for both her and me. I don't know why they say such things. It j...

May I ask what did you do or say when your psychologist said that?

 

[Deleted member 29920]

It was two years ago and I didn't answer back, to be honest she was incompetent and I often could not get a word in because she rambled on - alot.

If it were now, I'd tell her that her choice of words was upsetting to me. I'd ask her if she means she's frustrated with me.

 

[Lotis]

She listened and than said the sexual abuse in the family is the most difficult experience for the client but also for the therapist because whatever she will do will not be good enough.

Hi Hope - You are not stupid and worthless. You said nothing wrong.
You mentioned you started therapy for an issue other then sexual abuse. That is very common for so many people entering therapy and therapists are trained (or should be) to deal with underlying issues (such as SA) that may be be causing other issues in a patients life. You sound like you have a good relationship with your therapist. I wouldn't let her comment fester; tell her your feelings. It could be that she said it meaning something entirely different than what you interpreted it as. You won't know unless you talk about it.
Therapists do not always say the right things. I have let feelings fester and have sat in sessions feeling pretty terrible about something that was said. In my experience it has hindered the therapeutic relationship as well as the therapy itself. After saying something about what I was feeling everything was so much better. So I learned to speak up when something bothered me and we can talk it out.
I hope this helps.
L