Stress At Christmas Time

[MissMacD]

I always get really physically and mentally sick around Christmas. It is a time of year attached to a lot of emotion and events and I don't celebrate Christmas anymore because nobody in my life celebrates.

I have been feeling a lot of anger and resentment towards my parents the past few weeks, particularly my father. I have been trying to write it down when I get angry instead of stewing in toxic juices. Some of my feelings are very toxic and this has been one of the first years that I've been strong enough to deal with my past.

I am seeing a trauma specialist weekly for CBT therapy. The next few weeks are going to be tough because my doctor is going to be gone for the holidays.

Does anyone find Christmas time (for those who celebrate) to be an extremely stressful time?

 

[arfie]

I don't celebrate it, but the stress is extremely contagious. Sorry you are struggling with it, too.

Uncomfortable as I know they are, I still want to congratulate you on having healed far enough to feel those feelings. My own process much more quickly when I give myself permission to feel them. Hope it is so for you, as well.

 

[MissMacD]

I am finally seeing how much stress I carry on my plate on a daily basis and why I carry it. Shocking how much one person can carry around for decades without a second thought because it becomes their normal.

 

[Everhopeful]

Yes I agree it is a difficult time of year. The messages we get bombarded with by the media and by those around us, is that December Christmas time is a time to be joyful, a time of sharing and giving, a time of togetherness and forgiveness. A time to be close to our family and friends.

People are generally on holiday and in the southern hemisphere, certainly, it is a time of family togetherness and "fun in the sun".

I humbly apologise, but Christmas means nothing to me anymore. I was raised in a Christian, German household and Easter and Christmas are very big in German families. Also birthdays are made a big fuss of.

But when it was all just window-dressing, and your family life was actually one of constant tension, crisis and confusion, then these celebratory days actually come to signify everything that was wrong and out of place in one's family!

It also hurts to witness the joy of people who come from a happy, healthy, loving family at this time of year. It just shows up everything that my family is not. It highlights everything that we missed out on as children and everything that was / is still wrong with our relationship with our parents.

But I will try not to dwell in resentment and bitterness about the past. I will endure next week and the week thereafter, take a little holiday time off with my husband, check in with my dear sister and her children, and before I know it, it will be time to head back to work in January 2014.

 

[MissMacD]

My mother always tries to call me around this time of year. This year I did something new - I changed my phone number and only a handful of people have it and are not permitted to give it out without my consent. My mom walked out on our family about this time 24 years ago and it was approximately this time of year that she called out of the blue after being missing for a month. She calls me to make herself feel better when she feels bad about what she did but what she is really doing is tearing off little strips of my sanity and walking away with them.

This year I am liberated and prepared if she does call and if I am forced to have contact with her she is going to get an earful from me. How dare her call me to make herself feel better with no regard for my well being. She usually calls a few times a year and then drops off of the face of the planet. It is extremely hurtful.

The Christmases I do remember with my mom and evil stepmother are filled with horrible things.

My birthday is during the Christmas holidays too. I turn 30 next week.

I also find it really hard to watch other people get together with their families when my own only wants me around when it's convenient for them. It's a harsh reminder how dysfunctional and painful my family is.