Relationship Struggling - Living With My Partner Who Had Ptsd

[sillymoo]

Hi All
I'm new on this site and I stumbled onto here when I was looking for some information and help on PTSD.
My partner was diagnosed with PTSD about 8 months ago and we have been together for 4 years.
We, most of the time have been able to communicate. My partner's moods and how he would flip at the flick of a switch was something I kinda worked around and did occasionally find strange before he was diagnosed.
When he got diagnosed - I was ill and in and out of hospital. I had an operation which did not go too well and ended up having another op in the space of 3 months.
I think me being in and out of hospital may of triggered something as he started having nightmares and flash backs and his moods and tempers got worse.
He went to the docs when he started having these flashbacks and nightmares back in February and they diagnosed him and gave him anti depressants.
I'm now still recovering, but our relationship has taken a nose dive.
I feel like he puts me down for everything and I dnt understand why. I try and communicate and sit and talk to him but it's like he does not see what is going on.
Sorry, I just don't understand... is this something that happens with people who have PTSD?
I have looked up PTSD on the net and have considered going for counciling.
I don't know what to do..... I would like to try and get through this with him as I do love him but find it a struggle at the moment.

 

[NaeNae75]

First of all, welcome. Second, yes it is rather normal. When you get the chance read the cup explanation on the site. It explains a lot.

I do think counseling is a good idea for you. It might be helpful to find someone with experience with PTSD. I believe in it fervently.

It isn't easy, but totally possible to have a good relationship with PTSD in the mix. It takes patience and understanding on both sides. But since you have a good history, that should help.

I'm both a sufferer and supporter...and I find this site and it's community of good people beyond helpful. Good luck to you in your search.

 

[Hope69]

Hello and welcome
counselling sounds is a good suggestion. Regardless of your partners diagnosis, you have needs, and its important for your needs to be met in any relationship. It sounds like you also have been through a difficult time. Its important in any relationship to identify behaviors that are hurtful to you and to set boundaries, and also for your partner to express his needs and boundaries in a respectful way.
none of that is easy when emotions are running high.
Individual counselling can help you identify what works for you and what isn't working in the relationship, wheil couples counselling might help you communicate and understand each other
Best of luck!

 

[sillymoo]

First of all, welcome. Second, yes it is rather normal. When you get the chance read the cup explanati...

Hello

Thank you for replying on this post. I have been feeling so lost and it feels such a relief knowing that there are people dealing with the same situation.
I have just read the cup explanation and yes - it is starting to make sense! It's just trying to get him to communicate and it can be so frustrating.
It must be so difficult for you at times as you are both a sufferer and supporter.... I can't even begin to imagine what you must go through but thank you so much for sharing.
I think me going in hospital was the start of it as it caused stress for him. Then when I went in the second time round - it has just got worse...

 

[sillymoo]

Hello and welcome
counselling sounds is a good suggestion. Regardless of your partners diagnosis, you ha...

Hi

Thank you for replying on my post. I am considering counciling as I do feel like I'm struggling what with dealing with the last couple of ops and how my life has changed due to the ops...and how my relationship with my partner has changed.
I have tried setting boundaries and talking to him about his needs but I think he forgets the boundaries...is that normal? And it's difficult to try and get him to sit and just talk as he thinks I'm just going on and then I don't get to understand his needs... but u are right about setting boundaries and also identifying what he needs - but it's upsetting when all I get is some sort of verbal abuse...

 

[Justmehere]

Welcome to the forums! Dang, you big are going through a lot!

Setting boundaries is one thing - keeping them can be a real challenge. One thing to remember is a boundary is something you keep regardless of what someone else does. For example, I have a boundary with my mother that I won't talk to her about a specific subject. Does she respect this boundary? Sometimes yes, sometimes no.

When she crosses the boundary and talks about the subject with me, I keep and hold the boundary by quickly and politely ending the conversation.

That being said, it's harder to keep boundaries like this when living with someone - but I've been able to figure out how to do the same with roommates and the like. Counseling is a great idea because they can help support and coach you in keeping boundaries.

It's super common and normal for people to push boundaries, at first. It's not a sign that your are doing it wrong but that you are making a positive change.

Therapy would likely be helpful for him too in order to learn better ways to communicate when he is triggered. Is he open to that?

 

[sillymoo]

I have mentioned counciling for both of us but he does not seem too keen at the moment in going in together...maybe later I suppose. I did say that it would help me to understand and to support him in a better way. It's convincing him.
I know it's going to be a while before I understand how PTSD affects him.... I would like him to be happy and not have these stresses but I think I have a lot to learn...