Struggling to Accept Traumatic Memories: Seeking Understanding and Comfort

[Landon]

I've been going to therapy off and on for the past year for the CSA flashbacks. While the flashbacks are intense and I think about the memory every day since the flashbacks started two years ago, I can't accept them as true. I don't know where the possible incident occurred and I don't know who is in the flashback. I can describe the room color and can feel the bodily sensations. My mind cannot comprehend something like that could ever happen, but my body seems like it can. I've seen my PCP and a psychiatrist. I wasn't exactly fond of the psychiatrist, but I was diagnosed with PTSD. He even told me that I have a "classic case of PTSD". All three of the therapists I've seen so far told me that some form of trauma most likely occurred and is manifesting. Some recommended accepting it as real, while others told me that it was sort of irrelevant (can't remember the exact word of hers, but same lines as irrelevant). Does anyone else have this same problem? Am I overthinking it? I know that I'm more than likely never ever going to know if the flashbacks have some truth. At the same time, I don't think I can accept it even if someone admitted it and described the situation. Part of me is ranting, but another part of me is hoping for someone to relate and some guidance/wisdom.

 

[Quassus]

I'm going through similar. The " memories" started in the last 2 months and things have escalated. I definitely doubt how can this be true when I think about it. But then I also think why would I make it up. I also have new memories that pop up and tell more of the story. My biggest hold up is I also don't know who did it. I can't see the person's face. I may remember..I may never. I started therapy when this all started. I was also diagnosed with late on set PTSD. I have started experiencing freezing and disassociatian. My therapist said that in the end it doesn't matter if our brain doesnt give us all the details..it only matters what negative beliefs we have from it and how its affecting out life today. We can work to change that regardless of how much we remember. So don't worry about if it was real or not. Just accept it for what it is. That's how I'm handling it for now. It's no fun..